A Cascade of Superlative Events…

M.D. Holloway · 08-23-2011, 07:43 AM

So last night during the Scout meeting I get a call from Lisa,

Me: "Hi sweetie, what's up?"
Her: garbled talk "Mike, agh…'you gotta come home'…agh..'OK'…agh…blurp…'Bye'.
She hangs up.

Max is just finishing up his Board of Review for 1st Class - nails it. So I tell Max we got to scram. We head home and as we are walking through the back hall he stops and looks at me and says "Dad, I smell puke."

The events that occurred while we were at Scouts can only be described as a cascade of superlative events. As you may or may not be aware, Emma (our 7 year old) has been suffering with tummy issues. We are not sure what is the cause but besides chronic tummy aches every day she has now developed what appears to be a violent reaction to ice cream. She has no issues with milk, yogurt or cheese but ice cream makes her vomit. Well it just so happens that ice cream is her absolute favorite food in the whole world.

Last night she felt brave and while we were at Scouts decide to try some Ben and Jerry's Fish Food. Within 10 minutes of eating a small bowl she couldn't keep it down. Try as she might, she just couldn't make it to the bathroom and vomited on the kitchen tile. Lisa (who has an extra sensitive sense of smell) lets out a loud gasp of horror to which Snoopy (our old, semi-incontentant Rat Terrier) filled with angst proceeds to urinate on the floor. In all this excitement Indy (our 1 year old Chocolate Lab) decides that the pile of ice cream puke would make a nice snack and proceeds to eat it. The sight of this combined with the smell of Rat Terrier urine sends Lisa into a vomiting fit.

Emma, not wanting to have Snoopy pee any more sends her into the back yard (now mind you, we are getting a new fence put in so we only have metal posts between our yard and the neighbors). Snoopy, while she is old is still a Rat Terrier and prone to picking up a scent and following to the ends of the Earth if not stopped. While Emma puts Snoopy in the back, Lisa finds the strength to get Indy away from the puke pile and crate him. She now realizes that while Indy is all taken care of, Snoopy is most likely running around the back forty. She scrambles her way down the stairs to get Snoopy but slips on some puke and cracks her knee and bumps her head.

Max and I witness the result of these events. A puddle of dog piss, two different piles of 1/2 eaten vomit - one rich in Ben and Jerry's Fish Food ice cream and the other something my wife had, a goofy Lab with a stupid look on his vomit stained face, a wife with a throbbing head and bruised knee and a little girl feeling just awful

He takes one look at me and says "We should have stayed at Scouts…"

sc_rufctr · 08-23-2011, 07:49 AM

"Bloody Nora"...

Well, at least no one was seriously hurt.

GH85Carrera · GH85Carrera's Garage

Wow, sorry you pain and suffering. It will be funny in a few years.

If you had that on video you could make a fortune on Youtube. It sounds like a part in a bad movie.

porsche4life · porsche4life's Garage

Sounds to me like you need a new house, wife, daughter, and dog(s)....

They've all gotten puke on them, and are henceforth ruined....

daepp · 08-23-2011, 08:31 AM

Dude - that's a lot! That would make a great short story...

MRM · 08-23-2011, 08:33 AM

I'm sitting in an airplane waiting to take off and I am laughing so hard tears are coming out of my eyes. You have to admire the streak, even when it's a streak of bad luck.

stomachmonkey · 08-23-2011, 08:39 AM

....as I walked into the house and witnessed the carnage I fell to the the floor laughing my ass off.

And that's how the fight started.

teenerted1 · 08-23-2011, 01:52 PM

DumbMoments.com - Embarrassing Stories
your family is not alone

s_morrison57 · 08-25-2011, 05:31 AM

There is nothing worse than chain reaction barfing

nynor · 08-25-2011, 05:54 AM

LOL! that is awesome!

perhaps your daughter is allergic to something in the ice cream. i am allergic to chocolate, and among other things, would puke if i ate it. this was before i knew i was allergic. i am talking projectile vomiting.

M.D. Holloway · 08-25-2011, 06:33 AM

After Soccer last night she told me "Daddy, I don't care if I barf tonight I really want a bowl of ice cream!" To which I relplied "Thats all well and good but I'm the guy that has to clean it up and frankly I would rather deal with you giving me an earful of whinning than having to clean up puke again."

It may be the Chocolate - have to think about that one...

nynor · 08-25-2011, 06:45 AM

i am not saying that it is chocolate, specifically. it just seems odd that dairy products don't bother her, but ice cream makes her vomit immediately.

nynor · 08-25-2011, 06:47 AM

i had a vomit reaction to something that my son had in his mouth. good times. although that carnival you described above takes the cake, in my book.

dtw · 08-25-2011, 07:34 AM

Allergy to carrageenan, guar gum, tara gum??

tweezers74 · 08-25-2011, 08:24 AM

Fabulous story, Mr. Lubemaster! Not the events but your storytelling skills are very amusing. Is that how you talk in conversation? Because if so, talking with you would be entertaining to say the very least.

And by the way, did your son start golf at 7? My son is only 5. And you speak highly of your son's skills on the course but how are yours? I started late... was on my high school team. Got pretty good though. For a girl.

Haven't played much lately but think I can still hit the $*#%! out of the ball.

pavulon · 08-25-2011, 09:02 AM

wow!

Has your daughter ever tried ice cream/custard made at home?

shadowjack1 · shadowjack1's Garage

I know its a mess, but that was/is a very funny story.

M.D. Holloway · 08-25-2011, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dtw

Allergy to carrageenan, guar gum, tara gum??

Hmmm. Great point! I shall have to investigate. Thanks!

M.D. Holloway · 08-25-2011, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tweezers74

Fabulous story, Mr. Lubemaster! Not the events but your storytelling skills are very amusing. Is that how you talk in conversation? Because if so, talking with you would be entertaining to say the very least.

And by the way, did your son start golf at 7? My son is only 5. And you speak highly of your son's skills on the course but how are yours? I started late... was on my high school team. Got pretty good though. For a girl.

Haven't played much lately but think I can still hit the $*#%! out of the ball.

I write for a living, mostly boring technical stuff as well as some operational financial stuff but I do also write about various management topics. I have done some fiction that seems to entertain. I have also done ghost writing (serious money in that!) but due to confidentiality I can't go into too much deets.

To answer your question, I do talk the way I write which is problematic when ghost writing. I normally have to spend a bunch of time with someone to get their voice and character into my head otherwise it sounds like me and no one wants that!

As for golf, start him now. Max started when he was 5. He is a pretty athletic kid anyway (he gets that from mommy - she was a jock in school, farm raised and was built like a gymnast) - he was riding without training wheels on his bike before his 3rd birthday, was on rollerblades when he was 3 and could throw decently at a little over a year old. When he was born he bridge-n-rolled onto his chest and lifted himself up with his forearms and looked around all to the amazement at the nurses. He is a naturally strong kid and fantastic coordination and hand-eye skills. He thinks he is invincible which has landed him in the hospital a few times but I think (hope) he is starting to understand that he is not bullet proof.

As for my game, back in the day I could consistently drive over 275. I predicted my first ace on the t-box while golfing with my bride and two friends. She about died - 128 yd, three bounce roll, I faded gentle due to a left-right 7 knot breeze. A soft butter-stroke with my lucky 7 on the 7th hole on the 7th of May. Sense that day I have not taken the game seriously and it has shown in my meager efforts!. But, if you ever wanna play skins...well I just might have to take you up on that challenge!

Z-man · Z-man's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by MRM

I'm sitting in an airplane waiting to take off and I am laughing so hard tears are coming out of my eyes. You have to admire the streak, even when it's a streak of bad luck.

Ditto, except for I'm sitting in my sis-in-laws kitchen, trying to read your story to her and my wife, but couldn't quite finish because I was LOL'ing so hard!

Thanks Lube - oh - and sorry to hear of your series of unfortunate events...

-Z-man.