Rant on Clamps!!!!

[RWebb]

Since I have not seem many rants in OT lately, and since I am further dead in the water on this project, thereby freeing up some waste time...

I do hearby ordain and establish this RANT THREAD ON HOSE CLAMPS

Now, here is the background: I am trying to find a ugly fuel odor leak in my 1986 Vanagon Westy camper in order to provide a more perfect odoriferous experience for me and my posterity (as well as any assigns) which is likely necessary to insure domestic tranquility. I want to establish this connection not just for us, but to secure the blessings of a pollution free environment for all. Such simple measures should indeed promote the general welfare, and prevent any fires from fuel vapor buildup.

To that end, a governing pressure on the part of the 5 mm dia. fuel hose needs to be instituted to form a more perfect union between the hose and the nipple on which the fuel vapor emissions tank is founded.

It should be self-evident that to secure the above blessings, tight connections are instituted between hose and nipple*

I have already dissolved the mechanical bands which have connected the nipples on the tanks with another, older and worn hose. These were not reusable clamps however, and I am thus in need of a mechanism to secure the blessing of tightness to the hose and each nipple.

To secure these tights, clamps are instituted among the connections, deriving their just powers of clamping from the turning of the screw atop said clamp. I have already determined that the form and fitness of the hoses has become destructive of their ends, and it is the right of the vehicle owner to alter or to abolish these hoses, and to institute new connections, laying the foundation on such principles as the torque to be had from an inclined plane and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness by keeping the freekin' gas vapor where it belongs, in the fuel system.

Indeed, I recognize that prudence will dictate that connections long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience has shewn, that vehicle owners are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the gasoline vapors to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute reekiness of toxic chemicals, it is the vehicle owners right, it is their duty, to throw off such connections, and to provide new hoses and clamps for their future security.

This has been the patient sufferance of these people who want to camp in this Westy; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to have me alter their former systems of fuel vapor management. The history of the present vapor system is a history of repeated injuries and fuelsurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny of bad smells over the area anywhere near this vehicle. To prove this, let me submit some facts:

The present vapor recovery system has refused to assent to capture the vapor, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
This is a matter of immediate and pressing importance, unless the vehicle is to be suspended in its operation till repair should be obtained; and when so suspended, it still reeks.
The present vapor recovery system does not provide for the accommodation of large pools of gasoline.
Odors issue forth at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of gasoline, fatiguing the occupants.
The vapors could dissolve important parts repeatedly, or invade the lungs of the people seeking to use the vehicle.
If continued for a long time, such dissolutions, might even be capable of annihilation of the vehicle users, or even people at large, or even produce convulsions of those within the vehicle.

[yada yada]

So, at long last, I have removed the old hoses, secured new hoses, and yet I find I cannot locate clamps for said hoses anywhere in town.

It's hard just to find screw clamps that small, but the real problem is that when you do they seem designed to destroy the hose by ripping into it.

I direct everyone's attention to thread on how lousy auto parts stores have become...





* That Time magazine cover is not the subject of this post no matter how many time I use the word nipple.

[rusnak]

You must consecrate said replacement hose clamps to the more apt function for which they were designed. Be it resolved by your forefathers to undertake such a solemn duty, their example and oem factory parts should never be forgotten. Two score and six years ago, their sacrifice was made in hard work and beer call afterhours so that you too could enjoy Westy camping. Cast aside the lot of cheapo flaps parts, for a hoseclamp divided against itself shall not stand, and a driver amongs fuel vapors shall soon perish from this Earth.

[notfarnow]

Originally Posted by RWebb

It's hard just to find screw clamps that small, but the real problem is that when you do they seem designed to destroy the hose by ripping into it.

[RWebb]

Exactly - but none in this town, apparently.

That means a long wait and $12 shipping for $2 worth of clamps...

[porwolf]

Originally Posted by notfarnow

Where are those available?

[trekkor]

I wonder if McMaster has something for you.


KT

[eastbay]

I bet the local Pick'N'Pull is loaded, narily, chock full of them

[RWebb]

I don't think so -- not in the tiny size needed for the 5 mm hose.

I do know that good clamps are used on 3 series BMWs and have hit up the local BMW dealer for clamps that fit 7 mm hose before...

[porsche4life]

Get on eBay, order Oetiker clamp pliers and an assortment of clamps. I love them....

[RWebb]

I'm an Oetiker Hater...

[Bill Douglas]

Jake, those are so cool. I don't need any, but I'll take a dozen thank you.

[Speedalac 930]

Oetiker are the cleanest.

[ODDJOB UNO]

Originally Posted by RWebb

I'm an Oetiker Hater...

ahhh webbster..............after redoing a 88 westy 4x4 pop top stem to stern with NO CONSIDERATION FOR COSTS as it had around 66k or so on it. we found that with the myriad of lines and typical E-VILE german eng. YOU like US will be forced to go with OETIKERS! there are places you will NEVER GET A SCREWDRIVER nor NUTDRIVER and ya dont want it coming LOOSE EVAR!

and if ya havent figured it out yet...........van cafe and go westy will be of great help sourcing parts.

quit trying to do it piecemeal one problem at a time.


no different from a 911. just pull the damn motor tranny in one fell swoop, and the while yer in ders will suddenly appear. ask me how i know.

get off yer azz and spring for the stainless pipes bow to stern for the water lines, buy ALL NEW HOSES ALL NEW CLAMPS ALL NEW FITTINGS because as the sun comes up in the east you will slit yer wrists along the side of the road, commit hari kari, then shoot yerself in the head and foot with a .45.............FOR NOT DOING IT ALL AT ONCE!


just consider a westy a 911 on steroids. bigger crap............more crap.


i dont know how many miles on yers and dont care, its from the 80's. and nothing lives that long even here in az. where we got to deal with crap plastic /rubber everything from sun rot, vs. rust.


there were times i really thought we had climbed into the belly of the beast, because the crap just continued day after day night after night.


these damn things are old/parts spendy/rare etc blah blah. we went from wheel bearings to new cv's to drive shaft to radiator to crushed oil tubes/heads off, to every last stinking hose and clamp. new starter, new gauges/clock/propane tank. found out the damn thing had been in 3 accidents with crap work on it etc etc.


even new cupholders! what ya tink about dat?


it was a NIGHTMARE OF BIBLICAL EPIC PROPORTIONS!

just spring for the tool/buy scads of new clamps and MOVE ON!


because sure as hell, yer gonna find a hell of alot more things WRONG, than just stoopid clampage.


oh yeah............ours has a/c . and ya know what dat means?????????????


ya get to take all the CABINETS DOWN TO REPLACE A/C LINES FROM STEM TO STERN!


WE BOUGHT ALL OF OUR HOSE FROM PARKER/HANNIFAN (the parker store). no screwing around with any crap anything. there are way TOO MANY "GOT CHA'S" on those damn westys, that are NOT FIELD COMPLIANT REPAIRS! in other words ya aint fixing it on the side of the road. trust us.


there really not much different on the PITA SCALE than the (2) 928's we are doing right now. but thats another story for another drunken campfire.


good luck. and trust me.........just spring for the OETIKER tool and the clamps. because yer dealing with some fairly high fuel injection PSI, and the last thing ya wanna be is a..............4 wheel 911 box on FIRE!

[ODDJOB UNO]

[ODDJOB UNO]

notice all the parker hannifan heat sleeving??????????????????????


theres a damn good reason for it. about .97cents a foot!

i highly doubt there is enough beer on the planet to do what we did again EVAR!


oh my memory just was kick started sheesh...........that sandwich above the oil filter. just replace the whole damn thing. the prior idiots compeletely befouled that. how havent a clue, but it was a source of alot of oil leaking all over hell.


yeah just replace all the oil return tubes with NEW and o-rings. another big source of oil leaks at 66K miles on it.

[GH85Carrera]

Originally Posted by notfarnow

I found that type of clamp at the local FLAPS. It was not hanging with the other clapms. I had to ask for them. I broght in one of the old ones like it that I had.

[RWebb]

Yes, I'm aware of VC and GW and the others like VanAgain, etc.

It IS going to be done piecemeal as I refuse to throw more than $xx into it each year.

You are right - I have decided to stop my struggle in favor of worm drive clamps (only fer das vapor emissions hoses, you understand), suck it up, and I like YOU am forced to go with OETIKERS.

Went to a whole bunch of hydraulic & hose places today ans finally decided to stop wasting my morning and spent $3.20 on the hate non-adjustable Oetiker clamps - 8 of 'em.

[RWebb]

Glen - you have a great FLAPS.

I have some of those clamps pictured but only for 5/16" hose (too big for this job) -- I had to buy them off of eBay.

[rusnak]

Napa Auto has those ^ adjustable clamps, but for really small hoses, Oetikers are the way to go, sorry.

[ODDJOB UNO]

webbster. these damn westys are a GIANT PITA to work on. we almost slit our own wrists. they make a 911 look tame. the one we have is an 88 with every damn option on it and most were not working. power everything mirrors windows sink refrig/a/c/stove


blah blah. as mentioned it had been hit a few times with crap repairs and crap maint over its life time.


this wasnt easy fun fast or cheap. i thank gawd we didnt have to split cases and go that far. but i'll tell ya we were ready to split those cases a few times with a jack hammer if need be.

so to make ya laugh today for a monday........................


boss just brought in a 1/86 mfg'd synchro 4wd 3 door transporter with 55k on it.


yepper.......................the fun is yet eclipsed again.



but if ya havent noticed..........a full blown wazoo all the options camper pop top 4wd are now commanding some ser-i-azz BUCKS $$$$$$$$ scarey bucks.



i highly recommend the stainless water lines bow to stern on these. ours were toast rubbed raw banged dented pitted cracked(1 end lip cracked off from previous 1/2 azz repair) ready to leak mass quanities of water in numerous places. plastic SHEESH! what the hell was the factory thinking ????????


once sorted out, they are wayyyy cool. not fast, not hillclimbers, but they do a damn good job here in az heat and the a/c once correctly serviced, will freeze ya out(after a few miles of driving).


check out all german parts here in az. they actually do have quite a few wrecked ones on the lot with minimal rust.