Our daughter's boyfriend is missing...

[nostatic]

Originally Posted by azasadny

The girls have met with the school counselor and Beth has the name of a Christian counselor that the girls will see ASAP. We haven't been sleeping well and I'm hoping we can start getting things "back to normal" after the funeral.

I think there is no "normal" - life is a series of chaotic events that may have some through-line...or not. To quote Walt Disney, "for every laugh, a tear." The only way we can appreciate the good times is to navigate the bad. Good thoughts to you and your family.

[daepp]

Thinking of you and he and your daughter. Prayers to all of you.

[Head416]

Not sure if this will help or not, but I'll just toss it out there, you can decide:

One of the most enlightening things I've heard about grief is that it isn't just grieving for the person you've lost. You're also grieving because the life you had is lost, and now you have a new life that has been forever changed. I imagine this is how it is for your daughter especially. The life she had ended and now she has a different one. That takes time to adapt to, she will be forever changed.

It's a unique process for everybody. The stages of grief are like a cloud, not a checklist. You drift between the different feelings, sometimes never experiencing some, and sometimes returning to others multiple times. The wound heals, but it doesn't go away. It's a process, not a checklist, and it's different for everyone. It will be hard, but she will get through this. There's one ultimate source for healing and you know what that is.

[kach22i]

Originally Posted by azasadny

This past week... has been a blur...

My wife and I have been following this story in the news Art, sorry that it's hit so close to home.

I know of a hand full of kids who died before even getting out of High School. Once in a while I'll think about one of them, I suppose it's the least I can do.

[Seahawk]

Nicely done.

To Art: they have you.

A blessing.

Originally Posted by Head416

Not sure if this will help or not, but I'll just toss it out there, you can decide:

One of the most enlightening things I've heard about grief is that it isn't just grieving for the person you've lost. You're also grieving because the life you had is lost, and now you have a new life that has been forever changed. I imagine this is how it is for your daughter especially. The life she had ended and now she has a different one. That takes time to adapt to, she will be forever changed.

It's a unique process for everybody. The stages of grief are like a cloud, not a checklist. You drift between the different feelings, sometimes never experiencing some, and sometimes returning to others multiple times. The wound heals, but it doesn't go away. It's a process, not a checklist, and it's different for everyone. It will be hard, but she will get through this. There's one ultimate source for healing and you know what that is.

[genrex]

Yes, that was a beautiful post. Thank you.

An interesting fact about grief support groups for people who have lost loved ones.... you know, the groups that have a professional moderator, and meet once a week.... people who are in those groups are encouraged to stay in the group for a year or longer, and they usually do.... they usually stay in the group for a year or longer. Being connected, feeling connected. Talking is important, and being with friends and family and pets is important, even when words aren't being spoken. Cooking is a good activity, making something to give as a gift...

_

[azasadny]

Thanks so much for the encouragement and wise words everyone! We're struggling this week and the hardest time will be at the funeral tomorrow. We're doing the best we can and helping our daughter deal with this and I do hope we're doing the right things.

It was incredibly sad to see Nathan's parents at the funeral home last night. Their grief is palpable and almost unbearable but they have a strong faith, good friends and a very close family. Seeing all of the teens there and how sad they are is really hard to take...

[jwhcars]

You , your family and all that are effected are in my prayers.

[intakexhaust]

Art-
I only know you from reading your post but feel the sorrow for all of you affected by the loss of the young man. God bless.

[McLovin]

There can be nothing worse than a parent losing a child.

Did they ever figure out what happened?

[motion]

Art, my thoughts are with you and your family.

[futuresoptions]

Don't really know what to say Art... One of those things you can't explain or rationalize... Both families will be in our thoughts and prayers...

[azasadny]

The funeral/wake was yesterday and it was brutal. Just seeing his father and the grief he has was just heartbreaking. Beth and the girls stayed for the wake (dinner) but I didn't. The girls spent time at a friend's, then a bonfire "memorial" with other teens.

[Joeaksa]

Art,

I still from time to time remember a guy I went to high school who was killed in an accident. Still get a bit down for him and his family. It gets better with time but never totally goes away.

Be there for your daughter...

[vash]

wow..

sorry for all those involved. this is just awful

[Baz]

Art,

Thanks for keeping us posted - not easy to get through events like this but know we are all here for you and all involved.

Sincerely,
Baz & the girls

[azasadny]

Thanks! We took Becky to church with us tonight and everyone was very kind. I got Chinese food for dinner (Vegetable Lo Mein and shrimp egg rolls) from a local restaurant and the girls enjoyed that. Beth and the girls are watching a "chick flick" tonight while I tinker on the computers. Becky came out of her shell a little during dinner and that was nice! We hug her a lot and let her talk when she wants to...

[Baz]

It's going to take some time but it sounds like things are going the right way now Art....good job doing what a dad does best...being a good dad.

Proud of you....best wishes and continued healing for all....

[Jeff Alton]

Wow, terrible.... Our thoughts and prayers for your family, Nathan's family and the circle of friends. Pro counselor was a great idea. Make sure you keep lots of family communication going as well to help all.

Best wishes....

[Groesbeck Hurricane]

Art,

We send our prayers for your family, yourself, and your friends! Such a tragedy should never have to be experienced.