Did we screw up as parents? I value your opinions on this!

[Les Paul]

I can tell a bunch of you boys minds are made up regardless. I'll tell you my story. My son was kind of a guitar prodigy as a boy. He took lessons for years from all kinds of different guys that had probably been there done that. These places were usually music stores after hrs. We were always welcomed to come and listen. One particular guy had been a pro hit it semi big in the 70's, been a session guy in LA but come had come home after 30 years on the long hard road to take care of his parents who were dying. I knew he was probably lit up but he was so good, my son interacted with him so well he kept going long after they were just in to jamming. So at 10 my son pretty much knew all about dopers rock and roll all that. He formed his first band at 12 and was gigging regularly at 14. He saw and was around the typical rock scene bs. He along with one of his bandmates built a studio in our back yard the summer after his 8th grade year. It became the local place to be for the next 4 years. The rules were no drinking on the premises, no smoking inside, PA off after 10 weeknights, 12 on weekends. The bldg is well insulated so they could really crank it up and never had 1 complaint from the neighbors, and the cops never came. And if my wife and I knew what was going on we would have shi- our pants. My god when he went to school I cleaned the bldg up. I found more kinds of booze bottles, and Keystone stashed everywhere. And he said they worked on cleaning it up for 2 months. My wife and I naively didn't worry because he never left the premises. Kids came and went all hrs, the bldg became a major crash pad for his pals.

So what kind of kid was he? Straight A's in everything, top of his class in 2nd biggest class of school size, went to state 3 years in Texas in speech and debate, you name it he did it if he wanted. Always hot girls and groupies, it was ridiculous. Then the summer after he graduated I got in his car for something and wham. That smell. It was hot out and that sweet smell of good weed hit me like a sledgehammer. I wasn't shocked just surprised it hadn't happened before. So I filched a bud, omg it was good, it had been 10 years since I'd tried anything. Then I confronted him about it. At first he lied and said it was a friends. Yea right. I told him if I were a cop and pulled him over for anything I would recognize the smell it was that strong. Read him the riot act. He knew my wife and I had been ex partakers back in the day and hadn't really stressed the how evil weed was, what it would lead too all that bs. I lived through it and smoked a shi' load and never tried ANYTHING else. WTF? It can but didn't in our case. So I told him I knew the genie was out of the bottle but he had a reputation, it was illegal after all, expensive as hell and what purpose did it serve? All the things you think might work.

So that fall he went to The University of Texas 500 miles away, lived with a bunch of rich guys who were all party hounds and still made straight A's. He is finishing up grad school this year hoping to get his phd and teach there. In fact is a TA now. So maybe I gave him way to much rope but it didn't lead to anything in his case. It sure could have and he had plenty of chances to join bands, hit the road, the entire rock bs. Just a different perspective.

[Jim Sims]

They go back seven years; if one gets a clearance at 18 years of age then that's eleven. One starts laying down a record much sooner than one would assume.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by KC911

At 16...you gotta be joking (juvenile records). ALCOHOL (related accidents) closes more doors than pot ever has (as in permanently, in the ground...been to a few myself ) In fact, simply being an inexperienced driver at 16 (and not paying attention) closes more doors also imo...some of y'all may have forgotten what it's like to be 16. Sorry for the hijack...I'm done but just wanted to give another perspective...

You've obviously never had to experience screening for a security clearance. Depending on the level you are applying for (and age) they go back and interview people that you knew in college and high school. Not just friends but neighbors, family, etc. If you lie on your application and your old buddies tell the interviewer that you were a raging pothead, better find another line of work. It's no joke.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Paul, similar to your dad's story. I worked with a old maintenance guy in my blue collar days that I grew to really respect, his theory was that a kid was yours until he was 13. After that point you were just along for the ride, and that it was time to see how badly you screwed up as a parent. I'm not entirely sure of the age, but I find a lot of truth in that.

[Zeke]

Boy you are along for the RIDE if you have a 13 YO girl. BTDT with my stepdaughter. She was 13 going on 21 almost overnight. Never did drugs that I know of. I'm serious. Can't say that about her older brother, but he turned out to be a hard working SOB. I think I'd spot him a joint now and then if I had one. He needs to relax and blow it off.

3 girls and a b!tch wife will do that to you.

[Ronbo]

Originally Posted by Jim Sims

Illegal drug use (even trivial/experimental) makes getting a security clearance problematic - not so much with alcohol unless abused.

If you lie about it and are found out you're "cooked."

It's only a problem if you lie about it. I was a CIA officer for close to 30 years and passed many polygraph "lifestyle" exams for a variety of accesses despite smoking pot like a chimney in high school and lightly experimenting with other substances during college. I came clean about all of it prior to my first "weed-out" polygraph and sailed through without issue. They know and expect that many have tried things in their youth, but you have to be honest up front.

[Rikao4]

glad it worked out Paul..

I was plain LUCKY..
picking up my new squeeze & her friends..
18 myself /she's 17..
squealing some tires gets me stopped & searched for beer..
friends panicked and 'hide' their stash in my ride..
we ALL go downtown to be booked...
one adult...the others as minors..
@ court nobody can find any paperwork regarding the event..
me,them, the whole event...
Lawyer tells me.. shut up lets go...

her Daddy was a Judge at this court..

My whole life would be different if not for this man...
so thank you again Judge Hxxxxxx..

Rika

[Christien]

Originally Posted by Ronbo

It's only a problem if you lie about it. I was a CIA officer for close to 30 years and passed many polygraph "lifestyle" exams for a variety of accesses despite smoking pot like a chimney in high school and lightly experimenting with other substances during college. I came clean about all of it prior to my first "weed-out" polygraph and sailed through without issue. They know and expect that many have tried things in their youth, but you have to be honest up front.

Obviously I know nothing about CIA hiring procedures, but it would seem to me that experience in the "underworld" of drugs from a user's perspective would actually be an asset.

I remember when Clinton was first running for president and admitted he smoked pot in college my mom commented she was glad he had - she said someone trying to get a job like that should have life experience. This was the early 90s and I was 17 or 18 at the time, so it's not like she was saying that to a 13 year old.

[jpd]

I have an interesting perspective -

I started smoking pot at 15. I was a complete and total pothead.

Used to get busted by my parents all the time, we'd fight about it etc. Never really changed, I just tried to be more careful. My dad confessed he smoked for 20 years, and i shouldn't because it makes you lazy. Did a few things other than pot here and there. Never turned into an ******* or anything. Finished high school with my lifelong typical Bs and Cs. I'm a smart guy, just never cared about school or had the drive to be straight As, both before and after pot.

Finished high school, took 7 years to go through college, for the first 5 I went off and on. Always worked, and supported myself, occasional help from my folks (but they are not well off, just did what they could to help sometimes). Last time they busted me, my mom had done some laundry for me. I went to get it, she said "your bag of weed is on the dryer". I ent and got it, started to say something, she said "I'm over it, we've been through this, I don't want to hear it." I said "Thanks for not throwing it away, it was very expensive>"

Finished college, went to law school, have a sucessful practice.

perhaps the only negative I can come up with is that if I hadn;t liked smoking weed and hanging with my friends so much, I may have gone away to school, which I do feel like I missed out on something there. I also may have gone to the Navy or aviation school.

But, I wouldn't trade where I am now for anything. I have a great career, a great wife, two great kids and third on the way. I still enjoy it and prefer it over drinking or anything else.

I guess the point it, as long as your kid is not a total **** up, it may not be the end of the world.
'
I don't know what the F I'm gonna tell my kids one day.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by Rikao4

glad it worked out Paul...

Luck. Too many stories.

[ramonesfreak]

jpd, im same as you. started smoking p at 13. im 40 now. did well in school, went to law school and have done on avg, just fine with my life. as a teenager, the drinking we all did was much riskier as we would drink and drive every weekend. how none of us got killed is a mystery to me.

my parents were extremely strict and conservative. i had a curfew of 10pm until i was 18 years old and have never seen my parents drink alcohol. nothing they said or did could stop me from doing what i wanted to do behind their backs. all my friends smoke weed, doctors, lawyers, successful business people....it had nothing to do with hanging out with the wrong crowd. i have always avoided the wrong crowd.

the only place my parents screwed up, is smoking cigarettes around us kids in the house and car etc... as a result, i started smoking cigarettes at 14 and still do and it has caused me much more trouble than weed, healthwise and financially

im about as pro-weed as you can get. if my kid was smoking it, i would buy him a vaporizer, and kick his a*s if i caught him smoking cigarettes or drinking and driving

in the end whether one is a responsible or irresponsible weed smoker is up to the individual and probably has nothing to do with parenting. i have never smoked weed before or during my professional work day. its a creative, recreational thing and not a lifestyle to me. i know some who have made it a lifestyle and in my opinion, it can become a big problem when this happens because the chances of getting caught by LEO increases, its not good for the lungs, and it can interfere with work

moderation is key

[JavaBrewer]

Originally Posted by nostatic

I have an easy out on this one - I have a security clearance so no recreational drugs in the house for anyone. Period. What he wants to do when he moves out is his business but we will discuss the ups and downs of partying. I buried a few friends at young ages and he'll get those stories when the time comes.

+1 though I have already shared my stories with Zack.

OP - you have not screwed up. Kids are going to make their mistakes. Stand your ground regardless - kids will respect you for it. My only issue with pot use is that it is illegal. My kids would get an earful for breaking the law - only.

[2porscheguy]

Wow! I do sincerely appreciate all the input so far and....jeez! Thanks for setting me straight!...probably should have handled things a little differently especially on the "giving permission" side of the discussion!

My son is actually doing very well in school ...85-95%... He did have a good summer job so that's where the funds came in.

I smoked pot and did hashish occasionally from about 16 to 20 and, as many have of you have volunteered, decided that it just wasn't worth it after that with regards to university and potential career planning. I never, ever did progress to or even had any interest in progressing to anything else....Coke, Meth, LSD, etc.

This past week my son has been exemplary in his behaviour so, with that, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and just carry on with the status-quo.

One question I do have is that we are told that the MJ that's available today is much more potent than the stuff we had in the late 70's/early 80's. This, I believe, would create a greater issue with addiction...can anybody comment on that?

.....oh, no! Another confession....ok, so after my son confessed to us I...."volunteered" to try some of his stuff with him....we smoked together but just one hit (lambaste me now guys....tar and feather me!!!)...It didn't really seem to affect me much.

Keep the comments coming! I'll take the good with the bad!

Cheers!

Alex

[nynor]

night and day stronger. on a couple orders of difference, i'd bet.

[Joe Bob]

Show him "Reefer Madness" and then discuss your feelings....have a CC and Coke......discuss some more.

I'm NOT an advocate of 420, however my nephew has responded very well from monitored usage as prescribed by a CA physician. He and his sister are majordomo OCD. Sis is also an exercise freak and hasn't graduated to flipping....it's likely in the cards.

The Momz (shut up Sid) was symptomatic in a number of areas.

The treatment has helped them. I am NOT a fan of Ritalin and other drugs.

Do your research.

I can hook you up with my brother anonymously. While not the smartest in the family he DOES have a PhD.......

[Les Paul]

When threads like this pop up I always want to invite the naysayers over for a few rounds of the best of the best. The good stuff is all micro managed homegrown. No drug cartels involved. No shady dealers. Kind of like the home brew beer boys. Pretty snobby in many ways. Bottom line anyone can succumb to to the lure of any drug. MJ is just a glorified weed. If you think it is a gateway drug you are deluding yourself. The individual, the subject, the particular character/victim is 100% responsible.

[KaptKaos]

Originally Posted by 2porscheguy

.....oh, no! Another confession....ok, so after my son confessed to us I...."volunteered" to try some of his stuff with him....we smoked together but just one hit (lambaste me now guys....tar and feather me!!!)...It didn't really seem to affect me much.

Keep the comments coming! I'll take the good with the bad!

Alex, you're not there to be his friend. You're there to be his Father.

Intelligence is knowledge.

Wisdom is the application of knowledge. It is acquired over time. He needs your wisdom, and your parenting. Not your friendship. Stop trying to be his buddy. Be his Father. He has responsibilities. Set his goals high. Help him attain them. He can't do that when he's baked.

Hope that helps. You're in a tough spot for sure. Good luck.

[A930Rocket]

Most 16 year olds can't find their way out of a wet paper bag, let alone deal with pot (or alcohol) in a mature manner.

My opinion is that past transgressions stay in the past.

[McLovin]

Originally Posted by 2porscheguy

.....oh, no! Another confession....ok, so after my son confessed to us I...."volunteered" to try some of his stuff with him....we smoked together but just one hit (lambaste me now guys....tar and feather me!!!)...It didn't really seem to affect me much.

x

ha ha, now that we know this was all a joke/Social Experiment™ - good one!

[2porscheguy]

Originally Posted by McLovin

ha ha, now that we know this was all a joke/Social Experiment™ - good one!

Mc......no joke here but yes, as others have said, it could have been handled a little differently....lesson learned....I digress. OTOH I am proud of my son that he came forward....life goes on!

Alex