Damn, this situation sounds rough. Having been to China, I can see how he would not be happy here, and can see how Mrs. Lee is never wrong.

This is a no win for you in just about every aspect.

I don't really have much to offer, but it sucks you are faced with this.

Bill

I have no in-laws (all parents are dead) so that isn't an issue in our house. Her brother/sisters are happy in HK and her youngest sister has connections in Vancouver. When she was going to have her first child she floated the idea of having it in the US and living with my wife (this was before we lived together or were married). I told her, "your decision but I vote hell no and won't support the idea"). She ended up going to Vancouver as the baby's father has citizenship there.

Unless you want to get divorced, just rent temp office space and work long hours. This situation is a possible reality for any nationality family. How you react to it is your choice. Even if discussions were had opinions and situations can change. There is no legally binding contract for this stuff. You each make your decisions and live with them.

One of my crazier choices in all this is for me to go work in our Beijing office for a while. I could easily arrange it, but don't know if I want to be gone from the US for that long, especially with the thought of how different things could be when I come back. It might not even be possible for me to keep or return to my current position in the company if I did that, but they always want someone to go work in the Beiijing office, which I've visited a few times and know the folks there well.

I agree with this. You've already been blind-sided once; you could be blind-sided again, and then you'd be screwed. You don't want children. Your wife says she doesn't want children, however her biological clock is running out and she is probably feeling pressure from her family to have children.

You have every reason to get a vasectomy. She should have no objection to that. If she does object, then that tells you all you need to know. I think you should make an appointment to get a vasectomy as soon as possible.

_

I propose Pelicans Adopt Rick Lee A Week (PARLAW).
There's bound to be 50 of us willing to put you up, surely (not her again) the in-laws will be back home in a year.
Jim

talk about hitting nail on the head. my own mom's been talking the "when are you having kids" ever since we got engaged.

I couldn't agree more with this.

Except, I don't think you should ask, or even tell.

I should have said "I think you might consider..."

Sorry for the awkward way I said that, Rick.

_

Good luck, Rick.

As some of you may remember, I had the reverse situation . . . my Chinese daughter-in-law shacked up here (the Room Monkeys) for 17 long, long months before they moved out. It was hell. She didn’t work much & she was always here or coming/going while I worked. But I do have a separate office which made it bearable. I have vowed that it will NEVER EVER happen again.

Now, the Room Monkey (singular since RM#2 was a cheating slut & they divorced) has been seeing another Chinese national for over 2 years. This one has her citizenship, a good job, her own Benz, a 2BR condo in an excellent Asian area . . . but . . . she just bought a townhouse & her parents are coming. To live. And she is selling the condo (which RM has been living in ½ the time) since she can’t afford to keep both without asking them for the cash. They are well off with houses in Shenzhen & Jiangmen & maybe one in hometown Harbin. But the RM is not impressed & has told her that he won’t live there. My wife is hopeful that they will break up . . . of course.

But at least here (especially in the area where the townhouse resides) is heavily mainland Chinese. Stores, supermarkets, whole malls, restaurants, newspapers, TV – all geared to the Asian community. In your case, you won’t have that advantage.

Ian

We've had my widowed MIL living with us for 12 years. It was nice a few times when the kids were younger, but at 84 or 85, not so much now.

My wife's brother and two sisters have nothing to help or support her, not that they could.

Edited below.

Oh... yeah... sure... "you married the family"...

But I sure as he11 didn't sign on to live with them!

How many of you guys saying that would gladly open your house for family members to move in indefinitely?

Sorry to hear of your predicament Rick... I can only hope your wife, like mine, has grandiose ideas but eventually comes back to reason.

Best of luck.

It's a lot easier to move them in, than it is to move them out....

Dottore must have snuck a peek into my people's play book. This it it to a tee. My friend is going thru this now. MIL has been here for 6 months this Jan.

Look into a Chinese tv data lite dish. Just open your arms and hug them every chance you get. We hate public affection and they will leave ASAP. Honestly. Book them on a Chinese tour bus.

Mind you if I was insanely rich and could afford a house (or two) so big I would never see the in-laws that might be another story.

I admit I only have one in-law and he is comfortable in his retirement home.

And I understand this is common in third world countries...

However last time I checked this (USA) is not a third world country.

Well, I'll have to wait and see how the next phone call between Mrs. Lee and her mom goes. Should be any night this week. I always ask how her folks are after these calls and she knows I'm anxious to hear the next chapter in this. The more I reflect on my interactions with the MIL in China, the more I think she'll decline to stay very long if she gets any hint that it would cause problems. Obviously, I can't be the one to tell her this, but suspect Mrs. Lee will relay our recent discussions to her on the next call.

Seems like wishful thinking on your part that Mrs Lee will faithfully recreate the conversation about your concerns to her mother. I feel badly for you as you are really in a tough spot here.

My wife and I had a similar conversation about moving her parents in or at least one of them shoud the other pass. Her siblings have larger homes, made accomodations and expressed a desire yet my bride says she wants them here.
Good luck.

man you really need to think about this............. have room in da mighty chebbie k-1500, leaving o-dark-turdy monyana. bring sleeper bag/ sleeper pad/jacket/camera/passport/money(10's-20's),drivers license.


coming back either saturday or sunday or when we clean the gulf out of shrimp and run the corona brewery dry.


oh yeah a toof-brush.

i'm ser-i-azz. call me / e me if interested.


free psych counseling. tacos and coronas............all the food groups. wayy more nutritional than fortune cookies.

total peace and quiet..........well until the 1st bike comes thru and then all hell breaks loose.


and as soon as ya hear yer 1st TROPHY TRUCK.............you wont be thinking bouts NOTHING ELSE!

Yes I have and I'm sorry I did. Deadbeat bro-in-law's been with me for over 14 yrs and twice a yr comes his mom and dad. I just don't have the balls yet to leave but am getting damn close. Do what's right for you. Yes We're all asian though not chinese.

curious as to how things went...Rick are you in a RV at OJU's or are you down in Baja? :D

He's putting the finishing touches on his trophy truck now.:cool:

This is one of those cases where no news is not good news. It's still unresolved. Mrs. Lee calls her mom at least once a week and talks for an hour. So I know this has been discussed with the mom at length. Though she makes almost no mention of it to me. She did say her folks need an invitation from us to get a visa and I said, of course, I'd write that letter. Then I asked how long they were staying and she said a few months. Then I said I would not write that letter. Huge fight ensued.

Not only can Mrs. Lee not answer me at all when I ask what her folks are gonna do here all day, unable to drive or communicate with anyone, Mrs. Lee says she doesn't even plan to take any time off from work during her folks' visit!!! WTF?

Last I heard, she wanted her folks to come in Feb. But I think we'd need to come to some agreement pretty soon to make that happen. Of course, she can do it all without my help and behind my back. I'm really stuck here. She flat out refuses to consider having her folks only stay for a few weeks, while taking time off to drive them around. And I'm pretty sure "a few months" means the full six month term of a US tourist visa and possibly an extension once that runs out. However, I'll be long gone before that happens. It'd be bad enough to live with my in-laws, knowing the marriage is doomed. But a wife who goes ahead with it when I tell her the above is probably not a good sign either.

jeezus!! this is gonna derail!!

good luck buddy. remind me: you dont speak chinese, and the inlaws dont speak english, right?

Good luck RL, hope you can figure this out. If you need a place to store some gear I'm up for a road trip.

I speak enough Chinese to barely communicate and they speak about that much English. We certainly can't have conversations and I can't even explain to them that I'll be leaving the house for a few hours. There is simply nothing for them to do except sit on the couch and stare. Who the hell thinks that makes sense?

Hope u like Chinese Soap operas. ;)

do you think they will get so bored they leave willingly?

Yes, I do. But that's a very bad bet to make. I don't know why Mrs. Lee refuses to believe it when I tell her the same in advance. She says her folks are retired and already have nothing to do in China. Yes, but they are at home there, can get around, do anything we can all do here. They can't function at all here. Funny thing is, when we fight, I get stressed and goo out to smoke. Wife says, "You stinks." I tell her, if it really bothers her when I smoke once in a while, just wait until her dad get here. He's a chimney.

Rick,
Just make the best out of it. I have had my In-laws stay with us for a few months a few times. Now I love them both and they are able to come and go as they please, but they still are in our house. They would take over the kitchen from 7 am to 7pm and then it was baseball on the TV every night. (which I hate) But still my kids got to know them very well and my wife was happy. Plus it was some payback for when we built the house, as my father in law was a large contractor and was a huge help in building it. If it was not for his help I would never have even attempted to do it. Now that they are too old (Both in their 90's) to come up from FL. for the summer, we miss seeing them. Remember they will not be around for ever, so enjoy the time you do get to be with them.

Why do you care? It's nice of you to worry about their comfort and entertainment, but it's not your responsibility. If they sit and stare at the walls all day, that's between them and their daughter.
This has the makings of a great sitcom. As soon as your wife leaves for work, start acting like Jim Carrey imitating OJU, including all the yelling. Run outside screaming and shooting at the ground. Open the refrigerator and yell at the food. Attack your sofa with a toilet plunger. Throw half a dozen bratwurst in the toilet, herd them to the bathroom and proudly explain in your best Jim Carrey/OJU voice how proud you are of yourself. When wife comes home - calm and quiet.

is there such a thing as a "chinese oprah" or "chinese ellen"??????


this would take (2) hours a day of their time.

howz bouts a "DRAGON FESTIVAL"? that would take up a day roaming around yer neighborhood lighting off firecrackers.


a chinese fire drill? theres 45 seconds gone...........


is your father in law good with spoons? he could clean all of them..............theres (2) days used up.

or..................


you could offer the burlington northern santa fe railroad another DONNER PASS TUNNEL, and they could start blasting the bore..................that might take them 6 months plus an extension.


i'm trying here buddy!



ahhhhh HAH! brilliant...................a AZ CHINESE FORTUNE COOKIE FACTORY! that would keep them busy!


they could go chase DUCKS at eldorado park! az peking duck inc OR llc.



im stumped. i'm sorry that "you stinks".......................THATS IT.............A CHINESE LAUNDROMAT! BINGO!


calling bruce lee for ideas now.


so when will they be here? i'll get my outbuilding ready.

wow..OJ.

you are a short dick joke away from covering every Chinese stereotype!

actually i am trying to make rick laugh. something i think is very difficult for him right now in the position he is in.


man 6 months + in this position, there are not alot of options.


"IT STINKS!"


you got l.a./san fran/mexicali where theres a decent sized chinese population anywhere close.

no matter what rick does or doesnt do...............he will be the ONE TO BLAME!
and he will "STINKS".

i mean get real here, his in laws cant speak english havent a clue about america, its got disaster all over it. they dont drive, what the HELL ARE THEY GONNA DO VASH! throw some ideas in...............


its no different than if he was caring for an invalid. they have to be baby sat 24/7.

Is it possible to state in your letter for the tourist visa to be only for a few weeks? ;)

I'd help, but my mandarin isn't that high level, and I have a hard time understanding anything with an accent or a slightly different dialect than your mainstream mandarin. You could make flash cards with the help of Mrs Lee, english on one side and chinese on the other (and have a third party to verify :D ) so you guys can sorta communicate? Still hard to believe Mrs Lee isn't taking time off to take them around though...which to me pretty much says you have even less of an obligation to make an effort.

Would nightly gun cleaning beer drinking sessions encourage them to stay any shorter? Or anything else that might make them less comfortable there?

Rick what about sending them to Vash's place for a couple weeks ? It's on the way home!!

i know Odd. i thought you were creatively funny. i'm too lazy to seek out the green font. sorry, my fault.

wait..wut?!

Rick, sounds like you need to move out.

And get a girlfriend.

PS, my barn is empty except for several bales of hay. You're welcome to it. :D

It might be worth the coinage to buy a used winnebago and a coupla bicycles for them to live in and get around on because it shouldn't be up to you to entertain and clean up after them.

I have enough problems having my daughter's boyfriend living here in a separate room and he works second shift, so I don't see much of him, but his car always seems to be in the way. I can't imagine having two foreign strangers sitting on my couch for 12 hours a day while I try to work/do my daily routine, I feel for you man.

Better still, anyone nearby need to rent thrir house out for 6 months? They'll smell better under a different roof.