That reminds me. As a 13 year old my friends and I used to go down to the sewage treatment plant and shoot our BB guns at the floaters. Great moving target practice.

All I can say is you'll do the right thing and the guys here have given some excellent advice.

This place never fails to amaze me with their wizdom and advice.

good luck to your family and especially your kid. you never know..he may become the best father to this kid.

sure his opportunities have changed..maybe they didnt change for the worse.

A couple of days ago I flew from SAN to SMF and there was a young couple with a kid - a really young couple. I'm guessing 18-19 at best. They were all dolled up like kids do to go to the mall; they had all kinds of facial piercings, the trendy ripped-up clothes, she even had fake eyelashes, They were schlepping this poor kid around like it was a rag doll. I actually got up close to make sure it was a real kid - it was. I kinda felt sorry for the lot of them - especially junior.

Dad always said a kid is $250K- cash....

Sincerely hope he can stay buttoned down good... In a month you can't tell him what to do anymore.

Be ready, it's coming.

rjp

Crusty,
Lived through a similar situation when I graduated college. Some will say they should give it a try and others will say not to marry...there is no right or wrong. If I had to do it again I can't say I would have married her mainly because I don't see how in my situation marrying her would have changed anything other that having a legal obligation to pay support. Now adays it doesn't matter of they get married or not.

There is one thing to strongly consider, the child has to have interactyion with both parents early on. I know through tons of experience that if daddy ain't around things get exponentially difficult for the kid. Pray hard if its a baby girl. she is gonna need a positive understanding Daddy if they don't stay together.

This is not going to be an easy thing for yourson. He is going to grow up fast but it is what it is. He is going to need you now more than ever and trust me when I tell you this....he knows he messed up. It is going through his mind 24/7. I know because I was him 26 years ago :(

He needs his Dad just to listen and be there is all...he may also need some cash...

Maybe at Walmart. Maybe.

Yep... pretty close: Raising a child just got $8,000 more expensive - Jun. 14, 2012

Two of my brothers got girls pregnant at a young age. Both married the girls and moved in with my parents (& me). Neither finished college. Both got divorced within a few years.

That $250k figure only goes to 17 years of age. 18-22 is where the real bucks come in!

The cost of raising a child (2001)
 

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from
birth to 18 and came up with $160,140.00 for a middle-income family.
What do you get for your $160,140.00?

Naming rights. First, middle and last.
Glimpses of God every day.
Giggles under the covers every night.
More love than your heart can hold.
Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds cookies.
A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.
A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sandcastles and
skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how
your stocks performed that day.
For $160,140.00, you never have to grow up.
You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch
lightning bugs and never stop believing in Santa Claus.
You have an excuse to keep reading the adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies and wishing on stars.
You get to frame rainbows, hearts and flowers under refrigerator magnets
and collect spray-painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in
clay for Mother's Day and cards with backward letters for Father1s Day.
For $160,140.00, there's no greater bang for your buck.
You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a sliver, filling the
wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs and coaching a baseball team
that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.
You get a front-row seat to history; to witness the first step, first
word, first bra, first date, first time behind the wheel.
You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family
tree, and if you're lucky a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.
You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice,
communications and human sexuality no college can match.
In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God.
You have the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away monsters under the bed,
patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever and love
them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting
the cost.

Sounds like a great deal for even $500k !

Each year we give to our local crisis pregnancy center. We've done this for 15 years. They provide ultrasound tests, counseling, adoption services, and general support should the mother decide not to give her child up for adoption.

She should go to the local pregnancy center and get some expert advice. This is a new life that deserves the best start they can get in life. Why not meet that life with parents who cannot conceive, but have the resources to provide?

I would agree with others here that adoption counseling should be mandatory. Without a plan it seems very selfish to raise the child without both a committed mother and father. You don't need a village to raise a child, just a committed loving married man and wife.

I talked with him about marriage, he said no. My niece was in town for the holidays and she was a big help for my son, my wife and I. The girl is getting very good prenatal care, and everything seems to be o.k. in that regard. They have / are receiving adaption counseling but that does not appear to be an avenue at this time. I really appreciate all the great advice, I have shared the thread with my wife and she is really surprised at the positive support. Thanks again.

Update? Are u gonna be grandpa?

I am going to respectfully call hooey on that. I know plenty of messed up kids from "typical" mom/dad families, and lots of perfectly adjusted kids from single parent homes.

A kid needs love, support and good parenting. That comes in many shapes and sizes, and so does bad parenting.

I have a question that could potentially affect future custody. The girls mother said her insurance covers all the prenatal care. Should my son offer to pay some of the co-pay? Keep in mind he will be 18 when the child is due. If he is the father I think it would be wise to establish custody early rather than later. I feel that if they pay for everything and tell him "its ok" they might try to exclude him in court by saying he never participated. What are your thoughts? Am I just worrying about nothing?

Worying over a relatively small issue. Probably a good idea to have him get a job and start paying something towards co-pay if for no other reason to get them to cooperate with paternity testing dow the road. Even if they don't agree when he's exercisising visitation you can have the baby tested using just his and the child's sample. Plus, gives him an idea of what its gonna be like paying out his money for child's needs.n

Do you know if this girl will be gatting WIC assistance?


Good luck crust,,,,

I was curious about Cali law.

At best she's guilty of a misdemeanor and a $2,000 civil penalty.

PENAL CODE
SECTION 261-269


261.5. (a) Unlawful sexual intercourse is an act of sexual
intercourse accomplished with a person who is not the spouse of the
perpetrator, if the person is a minor.

For the purposes of this section, a "minor" is a person
under the age of 18 years and an "adult" is a person
who is at least 18 years of age.

(b) Any person who engages in an act of unlawful sexual
intercourse with a minor who is not more than three years
older or three years younger than the perpetrator, is
guilty of a misdemeanor.

(c) Any person who engages in an act of unlawful sexual
intercourse with a minor who is more than three years younger than
the perpetrator is guilty of either a misdemeanor or a felony, and
shall be punished by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding one
year, or by imprisonment in the state prison.
(d) Any person over the age of 21 years who engages in an act of
unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor who is under 16 years of age
is guilty of either a misdemeanor or a felony, and shall be punished
by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding one year, or by
imprisonment in the state prison for two, three, or four years.
(e) (1) Notwithstanding any other provision of this section, an
adult who engages in an act of sexual intercourse with a minor in
violation of this section may be liable for civil penalties in the
following amounts:
(A) An adult who engages in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse
with a minor less than two years younger than the adult is liable for
a civil penalty not to exceed two thousand dollars ($2,000).

One final bit of advice....don't let them get married before the birth of the child....one of the strongest presumptions in the law is that the child of your wife is presumed to be yours.

There's plenty of time for them to get married and legitimate the child down the road.

Lots of thoughtful advice here all ready. In reading through it the thought occurred to me , is this her first pregnancy? why is she back to finish school? Don't know if this would affect the plans at this point but I do wonder?

My best to all involved
Richard

Maybe just do as well as you can by her, the child and your son. Doing well by them is not an admission of anything, costs very little now, seems to be the right thing no matter what and sets a good example for everyone. I'm not saying you haven't or won't but it's a tough situation so maybe make the best of it, try to not over-think it and see what happens.
Good luck to you.