Work travel trade off when you have young kids

[twobone]

I was just asked to travel 1-2 weeks a month as part of work for a year or two. I have not seen the financial offer associated with it, but they really need me and I think they will sweeten the deal. I have a unique understanding of some govt regs that they need me to apply in another jurisdiction.

I have two young boys (6 and 11) and my wife works part time.

For those who have been in my place in the past.....what kind of impact did it have on your family life and marriage.

Looking back, do you have any advice, any regrets?

The plus for me is that I'm about 8 years from early retirement. If I can negotiate a big income jump as part of this, it will help increase my long term pension (which is based on my average salary in the last 5 years of working).

So do I accept short term pain for long term financial gain....or could I look back on this as a bad trade off by missing part of the best years with my kids?

Soul searching....
__________________

[Scott Douglas]

The only advice I can give you is you better talk to your wife about this as she is the one who will bare the brunt of your being gone.

[Groesbeck Hurricane]

Originally Posted by Scott Douglas

The only advice I can give you is you better talk to your wife about this as she is the one who will bare the brunt of your being gone.

How good is your marriage? How good is your relationship with your children?

If you have a strong marriage going into it and you both trust each other implicitly then it can work. Like the marriage, it is something you will have to work at. Communication must be constant and BOTH of you must understand the situation.

If you have a weak marriage you might as well start shopping attorneys IMHO.

You would also need to get buy in from your kids.


How do you go about ensuring this is only a year? Some companies might wish to drag this out for years on end. Been there, did not like it, found other employment. Know exactly what you will be getting from the company.

If there is nothing important and worthwhile in the pot for you why risk your most important assets?

[onewhippedpuppy]

Traveling is a cost to your family, you need the other part of the equation. If there's no benefit then the answer should be hell no, because it can be a struggle. Is your wife an independent or dependent spouse? You don't have to give us that answer but you need to consider it, if she depends heavily on you then it could quickly come unraveled. Do you do everything together, or have separate hobbies, friends, etc? Kids are flexible and it will probably impact them less, especially if you make the effort to call, Facetime, Skype, etc. You'll just need to make up for the lack of attention when you are home.

[twobone]

great feedback guys. thanks

[jyl]

That is a tough call. Maybe travel 1-2 weeks/mth defined as leave Monday am and back by Thursday pm, and more time off when you're not traveling, and the traveling stops for sure by a certain date, and the higher pay stays.

Your kids will need child care, your wife will need help, she might not be able to keep working PT, all sorts of financial as well as personal and family costs involved.

Examples of untenable and tenable:

- When I moved to Portland, I came up and lived in a corporate apartment for four months while the family was in the Bay Area. I saw them about every two weeks. My kids were the same age as yours. That was pretty damn hard on my wife, and she wasn't working either. Untenable.

- On the other hand, one of my friends in Portland is commuting to his job in the Bay Area. It started as a short term contract thing but they want to make it long term. He spends about 3 days/wk in San Jose. The family has adapted fine. It helps that his kids are older (15 and 13?) and when he's home, he can concentrate on them - he doesn't have to work (besides phone calls etc). Tenable.

[LeeH]

My dad was a pilot for Eastern Airlines. When I was a kid I remember him coming and going. BUT, when he was home, he generally wasn't working at all. I think the time away balanced out with the extended periods at home.

Our daughter has grown up knowing that her mom is a pilot and that she has to be gone for work. Same drill. When she's home, she's truly home and has plenty or free time.

So, if you're gone for two weeks does that mean you're working 9-5 on the days you're home?

[1990C4S]

Do it on a three month trial basis only. And you might ask for a July August exclusion.

[Instrument 41]

Way back when when we only had 2 boys, 3 and 11/2, I did that for a year. Was gone at least 2 to 3 nights every week. After a year I took a job that paid less but I was home every night. Now 25 years later it really isn't an issue but at the time I was tired of getting calls from my wife crying about a host of issues. I missed out on so many things that they were doing for the first time. Your kiddos are a bit older but the older they get the more dependent they become. Try it for a while and see how it goes (that will also depend on your employer). You might love it and may help you appreciate your kids more, and their appreciation of you.

[twobone]

Perhaps they would bite on something like this:

Fly out Sunday night, fly back Thursday night. Alternate weeks, work from home.

It all depends on how bad they want me.

This might also accelerate me up the corporate chain

[gacook]

I have in the past, and still do, travel A LOT for work.

Previous marriage, I knew that the wife would blow through a ton of cash while I was gone. Just how she was. It was her way at "getting back at me" for not being around.

Current wife is awesome and doesn't mind a bit that I travel (her dad's a retired Colonel, so she's used to having a loved one away from home).

My perspective in both marriages is that I NEED the travel. Having the time away to myself gives me time to recharge, forget about any little squabbles we may have had and look forward to seeing her again as opposed to the daily grind.

The kids don't mind, either. My kids hated it when I went away for a couple years to the Middle East, but for my short week or 2 trips, they have no problem with it.

[GH85Carrera]

My father was an Air Force officer. He was gone 3 months at a time many times. He was gone for 18 months when I was 12 and 13. We saw him for one day in the middle of that. Then the Pueblo was seized by North Korea. He was gone for a year. There was no internet of course. So no email, no Skype. Just letters. We survived and flourished.

[jyl]

Originally Posted by twobone

Perhaps they would bite on something like this:

Fly out Sunday night, fly back Thursday night. Alternate weeks, work from home.

It all depends on how bad they want me.

This might also accelerate me up the corporate chain

+ more $ (don/t forget the extra help wife will need, the extra wear/tear on you, and your pension goals)

+ stay in a decent hotel w/ gym/facilities

and for a trial period

that might work for me. Actually, it probably would.

[Hugh R]

I started traveling a lot about ten years ago, my kids were then 14 and 16, not a big deal, and I was usually gone a week to two weeks at a time. My experience was that the Wifey got a little weird after about a week; not the kids.

[nostatic]

Agree that you need to consider the family aspect, but don't discount your personal bias. I *hate* to travel, and if my job turned into 1-2 weeks of travel per month I'd leave. Nothing to do with the family, I just would sooner eat a Glock than live that. But I'm on the extreme end of the spectrum and I've got a lot going on "at home" (gigs, etc). Plenty of people love to travel and gladly do it for work.

[Hard-Deck]

Military folks do it for a lifetime.

[Tervuren]

I grew up about 50% of my early life on the road, as dad followed work around.

I'd say if you could swing home schooling, take the kids and wife with you! If the $$$ is there, why not?

[stomachmonkey]

BTDTGTS.

I "commuted" from NY to TX for 6+ months. Kids were 4ish and 7ish at the time. Wife was stay at home mom.

Up and out 4 am Monady morning back home either Thursday or Friday night usually in time to put the kids to bed.

One week home, one week in TX which really was 4-5 days gone and 9-10 days home in between. Absolutely under no circumstances did I stay in TX over a weekend.

Worst part was the travel. Gets old real fast especially during winter.

Family held up just fine.

[Head416]

Tons of people do it and get by just fine. Other people do it and their families fall apart. I say don't take the risk unless you're sure you'll pull out right away if it's hurting your family.

[Por_sha911]

I made a lot of job choices based on having maximum time to spend with my family. This meant less money.
Tough? Sometimes.
Regrets? No: it was all paid back with a Father's Day card from my adult daughter. She wrote that she tells everyone that the thing she remembers most is that even though I worked 40+ hours every week, I always made time to play games with her when I got home.