Todays Kids and sense of Entitlement?

[Rusty Heap]

Long story short, My sister's 20 year old college senior kid is living at an empty house of mine and co-owned by my sisters, (middle class suburbia) As a favor to him during his senior year so he wouldn't have to live in a dorm room, Sis and I both figured he could live there with all utilities paid, no rent, not even paying for internet or TV..................if he would do simple chores, like mow the lawn every once in a while, drive a spare car parked there so the battery stays charged, maybe vacuum and/or clean the toilets every couple months............



After 7 months, no lawn mowing was done, the spare car didn't get driven, cat poop in the litter box didn't get emptied for months, and generally what you'd think a solo bachelor male 20 year old would do to a house. (really, it's not "that" bad)


But no chores, no Internet...........So I cut off his internet and TV last night.................oh the humanity. Talk about the loud squeeling from him. (heck all I did was unscrew the co-ax cable on the outside of the house..........)


What is it about todays kids, say 14-24 year range, that have the sense of entitlement, that "something" is owed to them free?

Here is his reply after the cable internet went dead, I do believe I have his attention to do his chores and fulfill the expectations of living there for FREE: ( I just want him to mow the lawn and be a Care-Taker, I don't want his money for cable/internet, I'm just making a point to him that he has to contribute to house care) I love his argument how TV and Internet is imperative to his future human survival needs, sorta like oxygen? GASP, I cut him back to 80 channel of standard def cable TV and no HD.







"What Happened? I need the internet, for every aspect of my schoolwork and daily life, I don’t really need to explain it. The reason I was alright with you taking out the cable boxes was because I can stream Netflix, Hulu, etc. But I need the internet for those to work… So, it is imperative for my schoolwork and future that I have the wi-fi back… I don’t care about the phone line because that is not something I use, but as far as the TV channels are concerned, I literally get channels 2-10 or so now. I need to have the cable back to a standard plan, I don’t need HD, but I do need the basics that cover 2-60. My mom and I have offered to pay some or all of it ourselves but it’s difficult because you are the one in charge of that.




so for those of you with 14-24 year old kids, where does this sense of entitlement come from, as if it the whole world is all owed to them free of charge?

I'm going to let him squirm for 48 hours, then re-hook up the cable. he heh heh.

[stomachmonkey]

Have a friend like that.

He's been that way for the 30+ years I've known him.

Blew the motor in his car, asked his dad to pay for it.

Dad told him sure but he had to open the family business one morning which of course he did not.

Came time to pay the wrench and he asked his dad for the money.

Dad said nope, you had one simple thing to do and you blew it off so tough ****.

Wrench kept the car and sold it.

My friend blamed his father.

Just one of a long line of similar situations where it was once again someone elses fault.

I say till the grass is cut and the place clean leave the internet off.

And let him know you will be by for surprise inspections and if you find more of the same old behavior he can expect more of the same as well.

You will keep up your end of the bargain as long as he keeps up his.

Entirely up to him if he has internet.

[ltusler]

You could also make up a invoice for costs paid for by you. I think his main problem is that he hasn't learned just what it takes to have all of the "required" basics of life yet. My kids were both little libs, until they got into the real world and figured out just what it does take, they sure get it now, and thank us for teaching them the right way all along.

[recycled sixtie]

My daughter just turned 25. I told them the other day that I am no longer paying her car insurance as of the time she gets gets married next year. I have paid all of her tuition so far and she has one more course to go and she has a few years of research to get her Phd. She started working part time aged 15.

Years back I told her it was my job to make her independent. Her and her fiancee work really hard and make a go of it. The worst thing you can do is spoil kids. If you are a pussycat around kids they will walk all over you.

Cheers, G.

[wdfifteen]

Did you have a contract, with a list of the things he was supposed to do and when to do them? If not, chalk it up to a communication problem. It's not reasonable to expect him to do what you would do if you were doing it. On the other hand, if you told him repeatedly what to do, even verbally, and he didn't do it, he needs to move out.

[lane912]

I deal with this daily-
have a co worker that is of this greneration-
has no sence of team or working with others, very self centered-

[jyl]

That is a sense of entitlement by that particular kid. Where did it come from? Ask his parents.

That said, Internet today is viewed by kids and many adults as a critical utility much like electricity or running water.

I say, leave the coax unscrewed until the house and yard looks like it should. That is, IF the house is yours or entrusted to you to manage, so that it is your business. If you're just butting in, then I'd say butt out and let your sister deal with what she created.

[gacook]

Dunno what it is, but it's running rampant these days. I'm trying to teach my step-sons (and my wife) that they need to start being more responsible for themselves. Whenever they break something (they're boy; they rough house and **** gets broken), me or the wife typically fix it. Recently, they broke the wall in their shower. My wife was going to repair it. Long story short, I asked her what lesson she was teaching her sons by ALWAYS taking care of their problems/messes. She replied with, "I know...nothing." And I told her, no you're definitely teaching them something. You're teaching them that they will ALWAYS have you to take care of all of their problems, so they're learning they're not accountable/responsible for anything in life. Mommy will always be there for them. So, this weekend, they're repairing the wall in their shower. If they don't do a good job, they'll be doing it again...and again until it's good.

Bottom line, all behavior is learned at some point. We, as parents, need to decide how we want our kids to end up, and teach them that behavior that will get them to succeed in life starting at an early age. Coddling kids only breaks them.

[Scott Douglas]

I'd tell him he can access the internet at school when he needs it for school. I'm sure it's free to students.
I'd keep the cable shut off permanently or for six months, which ever comes first and is enough compensation for ruining the car battery.
I don't think I would have let this go the 7 months, especially the lawn. What do you think the neighbors think of YOU let alone him?

[berettafan]

Liberalism applied to parenting.

[lane912]

everyone is special-
no one should feel bad because they tried, and failed. they should be praised for trying
-

[Rusty Heap]

All very good advice, I smack talked the kid into shape last night over the phone.

Yes the slacker had a contract prior to moving in, no he didn't fulfill have those requirements.

As we're all male chest thumping keyboard warriors able to talk honestly, I agree 100% with all the above..............I forgot to add, that Princess my Sister is Lucy through and through.

The kids' put me in an awkward spot, so killing the internet got his and his Moms full attention really quick.

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by lane912

everyone is special-
no one should feel bad because they tried, and failed. they should be praised for tring-

And encouraged to try again. It makes no sense to encourage a kid to feel bad because he tried and failed. Which do you think is going to end in the best outcome?

"Tried and failed. You POS loser!"

"You tried - Great! But you failed, so try again."


(BTW you might try using the spell checker.)

[berettafan]

Originally Posted by lane912

everyone is special-
no one should feel bad because they tried, and failed. they should be praised for trying
-

NO ONE is special.

That's the secret to finding your place in the world.

Once you understand that simple item human interaction becomes much more efficient and fulfilling.

Feeling bad about failure shouldn't be based on whether one tried but rather whether one tried hard.

[EMJ]

Here's a question: Why did you even sign up for letting him have the place his senior year in the first place? Seems you and your sis set him up for all that's to come. Why not just let him tough it out at the dorms? You wouldn't have any of these control issues - that's what's basically going on here from his perspective. You "allow" him to stay there, but you attach conditions, albeit, they're reasonable ones. You're actually lucky he's not tearing up the place with his buds and girls and booze like most college kids.

[David]

I know the feeling. My 19yo son is living with me. He tried college twice and couldn't hack it. He's plenty smart but lazy. He finally got a job at the mall and he's good with that. He gets there on time and all that but getting him to do anything around the house is impossible. I've thought about pulling the internet but then I'm without it too.

[GH85Carrera]

Originally Posted by David

I know the feeling. My 19yo son is living with me. He tried college twice and couldn't hack it. He's plenty smart but lazy. He finally got a job at the mall and he's good with that. He gets there on time and all that but getting him to do anything around the house is impossible. I've thought about pulling the internet but then I'm without it too.

Just change the WI-FI password. He is locked out and you still have access.

[varmint]

i have spoiled entitled dogs. it must be a 1000 times worse with kids.

[EMJ]

Originally Posted by GH85Carrera

Just change the WI-FI password. He is locked out and you still have access.

Then he has to deal with the whining and fighting and such. The kid is 19. Not an age that internet cutoff will make him do what you want. Might be time for the kid to shack up with a couple of roommates on his own.

[Dantilla]

Internet gets restored as soon as the lawn is mowed.

Repeat monthly.