I guess there is not tactful way to tell someone to stay the h#ll out of my life

[legion]

I've dealt with three sociopaths during my life. One in high school/college/post graduation, one in college only, and one as my boss.. All used people. One simply wouldn't take no for an answer, one (female) was a practiced tease that would persuade men by alternatively lavishing and withholding affection, and the manager gave vague instructions and berated.

The guy that was a former high school friend was simply persistent. He took the fact that you were talking to him--no matter what you were saying--as permission to use you. I tried calling him on his behavior, yelling at him, asking nicely, and giving ultimatums. Any discussion he took as an opportunity--even negative ones. Nothing worked. In the end I simply ignored him and stopped taking his calls.

The girl in college literally split town when she realized I had found her out. I had her number for months, but when she realized she could no longer manipulate me, she got in her car and drove from Illinois to Colorado, basically quitting college on the spot and never coming back.

The manager would only respond to threats and ultimatums. He would demand by implication that I do unethical things, and berate me when I refused. I saw him throw other people under the bus when they were caught doing unethical things at his instruction ("I never told him to do that"(just strongly hinted and threatened), and I didn't want to do them to begin with. Once he realized that he couldn't control me, he stopped giving me work and I could see that I was going to be labelled an non-performer. I left before he could mete out punishment.

My point is that no one technique works with a sociopath. They are all different. I suspect you need to cut this guy off. Many sociopaths, lacking normal human emotions, will simply ignore nice requests, threats, or anything you say no matter how it is said. They understand the words, they just don't care. If he retaliates, call the police, file a report, every time. He counts on you to rationalize yourself out of doing this. Your attempts at being nice are simply enabling him.

[asphaltgambler]

Originally Posted by legion

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The manager would only respond to threats and ultimatums. He would demand by implication that I do unethical things, and berate me when I refused. I saw him throw other people under the bus when they were caught doing unethical things at his instruction ("I never told him to do that"(just strongly hinted and threatened), and I didn't want to do them to begin with. Once he realized that he couldn't control me, he stopped giving me .................................................. ............................

Not to hi-jack, but in my somewhat new government position, I have a 'child boss' who does exactly this. I'm going no where. He is supposed to transfer to another dept soon

[sammyg2]

Originally Posted by vash

HAHAHAH..

but..what if he agrees!?

Then they'd both be better off.

Cerial, tell him to take a hike and stay away for ever.

If you allow a skuzz-bucket to screw up your life it's just as much your fault as his.

[vash]

FastFred. i kinda think, despite the many responses to the thread..nobody is in your shoes in anyway.

i was just reading some post and realized you actually wrote the best response..in the title.

how about just saying to him (Without yelling or raising voice), "i guess there is not a tactful way to tell someone to stay out of your life....."

go from there? gentle, straight to the point, perfectly clear intentions..

[fastfredracing]

That is why I post goofy stuff like this here, I always get varied, and great advice.
I've been dwelling over this, because I am sure I will have to face the music in the next few months. I hate confrontation, but it must be done .
I just found out that he reached out to another high school buddy of ours who owns/operates a Chevrolet dealer asking for a service writers position . I hear the guy nearly had a heart attack from laughing so hard.

[Don Ro]

You could always get together those of you who know the guy, ask him to meet you all somewhere and have a type of intervention and go from there.
All of you speak your mind about the matter...drawing from each others position and energy.
That way perhaps not one of you will be sought out for much in the way of retaliation and/or further bother.
Shake hands, wish him luck and part ways for good.

[legion]

Just remember, sociopaths don't care about what you say. They like to keep you talking to look for opportunities to use your words against you. Most of the posts on this thread presume you are dealing with a reasonable person capable of empathy. Sociopaths use fake empathy as just another tool to manipulate.

Cut him off. Don't explain anything. Explanations are just opportunities to manipulate for a sociopath. Don't confront, just avoid. Always be busy when he comes around. Ask him to wait, don't get back to him. Ask him to come back another time if he complains. Never give him exact times or places. Say things like: "I may have some time next month." Don't give him time for a conversation--that's just an opportunity to manipulate you. He won't get the hint (he doesn't care), but he will move on when he realizes he's not going to get what he wants easily.

The only way I've gotten sociopaths out of my life is to deprive them of what they want from me. The high school guy wanted money. The girl wanted drama. The boss wanted control. The high school guy kept calling me for years. It took 4 solid years of never answering the phone when he called to get him to stop calling. For a year, he would borrow other people's phones to call me. I didn't answer any numbers I didn't know. I have no doubt that he would contact me if he knew how.