I guess there is not tactful way to tell someone to stay the h#ll out of my life

[LEAKYSEALS951]

Invite him out to lunch.
Tell him you have consulted some people about the situation.
Sit him down with your smart phones.
Fire up PPOT.
Show him this thread.
Review each response.
There is no easy way out of this for you, however, PPOT brain trust is rarely wrong,
and the peanut gallery has spoken.


Quit enabling.
He'll walk out on the tab- but it will be the last tab you pay for him.

[Baz]

Originally Posted by Geronimo '74

Be straight with him.
Tell him you don't need any bs or illigal stuff in your life.
Friends until you notice the least bit of his old antics.

One last chance, take it or leave it.

^^^ This - except not sure about the one last chance stuff - I think it has to be a clean cut.

Be up front..........let him know you are in a different place in your life now.

Tell him you are trying to create some separation between yourself and potential drama.

In essence you are telling him to stay away...shove off....GTFO...(whatever phrase is appropriate)...but you are telling him in a context that carries with it more substance...which IMHO will stick more and be more effective.

He already knows what the score is...it's up to you to remind him that you know what the score is....and you are done with it...and him.

Being straight with someone may not be for the faint of heart but there's no doubt it brings everything down to ground level in understanding so there's no mixed message.

Good luck Fred.....keep us posted.

[onewhippedpuppy]

I try not to associate with people that don't make my life better. Sounds like a GTFO situation to me.

[fastfredracing]

Sorry for my spelling, I wear gloves during the day. Yeah this guy got his last chance with me a long time ago.
No matter how tough you talk on the internet, you have to admit, it is going to be akward to look him in the eye and tell him to get lost I did it once, and I can do it again . I carved a nice little life for myself by steering clear of stuff , and people like this.
I remember feeling so relieved the day I moved out of his building. it was may of 96.
The pelican brain trust always delivers .

[john70t]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

About 10 minutes later, he was asking me to generate false repair invoices, so he could cheat advance auto parts out of a free exhaust system . He used to say that I pissed him off cause I could always see through his line of bs. He was a smooth operator.

And there is your advice.
Scorpion and the frog.

(slow learner here)
I had several long-term friendships with gentlemen of hidden ill repute, but ignored the signs. Invested a great deal of my time and effort and bailed them out from situations several times when they had no other options in life. Learned a bit of the 'the dark side' in the process. Learned how to spot that nonsense. Well the first time I need a little bit of help, guess what? "Heave ho Jonny boy. Sorry no can do. I've got my own agenda." No good deed goes unpunished sometimes.

Call me jaded, but I'm too old to put up with that crap anymore. Life is short. Friendship is reciprocation. You want the people around who do things because they can, not because they have to, or another angle. Invest in good things and good people. Accentuate the positive.

[manbridge 74]

I'd mention to him that his being around would be a trigger, causing him to fall into old patterns of behavior.

[flatbutt]

Look at it this way fastfred...you are entirely justified in removing negativity and danger from your life. It will be awkward to tell him this but you don't need to be cruel or macho. Do it in the manner that is consistent with your conscience, but do it bro.

[ted]

Tell him it's not personal that you are up for lunch on occasion a beer and burger.
Then be clear that you can't do any business with him.
Leave no impression on him at all and then always just be too busy for lunch.

[Mark Henry]

Originally Posted by Mark Henry

Actually I'm not kidding, often a $100 loan, then asking for repayment, is the cheapest way to get rid of someone for good.

Originally Posted by Tobra

Ha, only cost me $50 when I did it, inflation I guess.

Well sometimes you can do this for only $20, but if you're financially able you could go as high as $1K.



WARNING: this will likely not work on your own kids and don't let the wife handle this task if it is.

[Charles Freeborn]

Clean break.
I had a "friend" - co-worker that borrowed money. Took forever to pay it back. Quit his job during (apparently I funded that...) Then asked for more and for me to co-sign a loan. Yeah, no..... Showed up later trying to friend on facebook - ignored it.
Call it done - fool me once....

[1990C4S]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

I carved a nice little life for myself by steering clear of stuff , and people like this.

If you lose your nerve read this again...it is the most compelling argument I've read so far.

[wdfifteen]

I had a situation kind of like that a few years ago. A "friend" (actually just guy I went to high school with) was always hanging around my shop, borrowing tools, bringing them back late or not at all.
My exact words to him the last time he came around were, 'Gary, I just don't have time for your s hit anymore."
That was all it took. I'm glad he wasn't more persistent.

[Don Ro]

My biggest concern w/issues like this is retaliation.
The freak came back one night a few weeks later and keyed my SUV and spray painted "ass hole" (but in caps) on my white garage door.
Washed if off w/gasoline next AM.

[rusnak]

Whoa, that's some retaliation alright. Maybe post another thread asking if there is a tactful way to tell someone if they retaliate then you'll kill them and their family and burn down his house. I would just change my name to Kaiser Sose and grow out my hair.

[911SauCy]

Tell him to F - - - Off. If the guy is as bad as you say, it should be pretty cut and dry.

GTFO and don't come back clown

[Gretch]

Originally Posted by BE911SC

We've all had sociopaths and plain old screwups/energy vampires in our lives at one time or another. The hard-core types, the real sociopaths, only understand blunt force and you need to be direct in telling them you want no part of them. Even after that these types may still pop up later on. Some of them react with an "I'll make you sorry you blew me off" mindset and lob the occasional grenade into your life. Ignore every grenade and, for that matter, every peace offering. Your time and your happiness and your sanity is far too valuable. Kill the relationship with silence once you've made clear the relationship is over.

After many decades of dealing with very toxic people........ I finally came the conclusion that THIS /\/\ is the ONLY right answer...........

Everyone has to make their own decision on this subject, I banished toxic people from my life 15 years ago (including blood relatives) and have never been happier.

[cstreit]

There's no reason you need to be a jerk about it. Just explain to him that his philosophy and yours don't mix. That you appreciate that he is trying to turn a corner, but that you don't have room in your life for him.

He will insist, and you can just firmly say "I've already thought this over, you're not changing my mind, so let's shake hands and I'll wish you luck".

...no reason to piss off someone without a strong moral compass

[Scottc714]

Tell him you were taken off guard a bit when he first showed up again and now that you've had some time to think things over a bit you've decided that trying to rebuild an old broken friendship is just not in your best interest at this time. if you get resistance just say 'look i need some time and if I have a change of heart I'll reach out and get in touch with you'.

Hes probably halfway expecting it anyway and his other half is just hoping you'll be around to enable him again.

Move forward in your life, not backwards.

[MattKellett]

Originally Posted by cstreit

There's no reason you need to be a jerk about it. Just explain to him that his philosophy and yours don't mix. That you appreciate that he is trying to turn a corner, but that you don't have room in your life for him.

He will insist, and you can just firmly say "I've already thought this over, you're not changing my mind, so let's shake hands and I'll wish you luck".

...no reason to piss off someone without a strong moral compass

Best advice so far.

Calmly and direct, with least likelihood to escalate anything.

[tabs]

This guy is not a friend he is a user.

Or how bout the guy (F..R..I..E..N..D) that has OCD that calls 6 times a day for weeks on end trying to get hold of you. The guy on one hand is super meticulous and knowledgeable (smart) especially about his cloths and what he will ((Brioni, Zegna, Bally, Gucci) and wont wear and on the other is a degenerate gambler. He will last about a month to six weeks on a job and get fired because people just don't like him as he is always calculating an angle on you (manipulation).