sure to be a hotbutton issue: dontmarry.wordpress.com

[onewhippedpuppy]

I made it a few paragraphs into that freshman essay quality piece and gave up. Remember when people actually had to have talent to be published?

It read like an angry jilted lover and had so many generalizations that I wondered if it wasn't some sort of parody. I know that lots of people have bad experiences with marriage, though most that I have known can only look in the mirror for at least a portion of the blame. My wife of almost 16 years is the best part of my life, meeting her at 20 changed my course in a host of positive ways. Scary to think about the sewer my life would be if we had never met. I genuinely wish everyone could experience my level of happiness in a relationship.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

?...My wife of almost 16 years is the best part of my life, meeting her at 20 changed my course in a host of positive ways. Scary to think about the sewer my life would be if we had never met. I genuinely wish everyone could experience my level of happiness in a relationship.

There is nothing better than being in a great relationship IMO....

That said, I've witnessed quite a few friends/relatives with 20-30 year "good" marriages disintegrate (and it's invariably the wife's decision, NOT the male) after the kids leave the nest, etc. I've seen women TOTALLY change during/after the big M occurs too....what's a guy to do?

It's a HUGE crapshoot IMO....

[recycled sixtie]

I can understand why the courts support the married woman with children more than the man. When you have children it is a decision that should not be taken lightly. The children are the innocent ones and need to be supported financially.

[sc_rufctr]

^^^^ Absolutely. Both parents should be equally responsible for their children.

[recycled sixtie]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

I made it a few paragraphs into that freshman essay quality piece and gave up. Remember when people actually had to have talent to be published?

It read like an angry jilted lover and had so many generalizations that I wondered if it wasn't some sort of parody. I know that lots of people have bad experiences with marriage, though most that I have known can only look in the mirror for at least a portion of the blame. My wife of almost 16 years is the best part of my life, meeting her at 20 changed my course in a host of positive ways. Scary to think about the sewer my life would be if we had never met. I genuinely wish everyone could experience my level of happiness in a relationship.

+1 on this.
Well said Onewhipped.....
Have known my wife since 1984, been married 29 years. She is a great partner. Sure we have a few arguments once in a while. Could not imagine life without her.

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by GH85Carrera

I get to live and share my life with a great lady that I love. She is a big F1 fan. She loves football and basketball more than I do. She is super smart and has a great sense of humor. I can't imagine life without her. She puts up with my Porsche addiction and never questions what I spent on new tires or wheels or anything at all.

you dont need to be married to do any of htat.

[BE911SC]

I read the first few paragraphs and the subtext I saw is that any man who chooses a woman who turns into such a huge burden (financial, etc.) has chosen poorly. If there is a take-away for me (20 years happily married to a superb mother of our kids and a very good earner) it's be very careful who you decide to marry. If you can find a woman who is debt-free, loves her work and is simpatico not just with you and your life but also with your financial goals and practices then that's probably the girl for you. Women vet their men so men need to vet their women. Life is full of risk but you have to take some risks if you are going to succeed, even in marriage. If you're just a total narcissist then by all means, stay single.

Fools rush in.
You better shop around.

[porsche4life]

Funny... Every time these threads come up its the same few bitter guys parroting the same bitter statistics.


Geez no wonder you guys can't live with a woman, don't know how anyone could put up with the negativity.

[Baz]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

Funny... Every time these threads come up its the same few bitter guys parroting the same bitter statistics.


Geez no wonder you guys can't live with a woman, don't know how anyone could put up with the negativity.

Sid....you wrote: "don't know how anyone could put up with the negativity."

And I agree.

[aschen]

I think some might over think this one. Get married if you want, or don't. There is nothing deeper here than personal opinion really.

I do think that some of these men's lib guys are a bit hung up on materialism.........wealth isn't the limiting reagent for happiness for many, but we have discussed that at length in another thread.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by Baz

Sid....you wrote: "don't know how anyone could put up with the negativity."

And I agree.

I agree too...SO glad it's all behind me now .

Don't take it personal Sid, Tweeze seems like a great person, but what if she changes drastically on you, or one of her kids turns into a real handful down the road? How ya gonna deal with it?

What you read on PPOT are real life lessons by a diverse group of folks at various stages in life IMO.

Good relationship = Heaven
Bad relationship = Pure Hell

I've had both (same woman)...took seven years in for it to change over and I still don't understand why...WOMEN

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by aschen

I think some might over think this one. Get married if you want, or don't. There is nothing deeper here than personal opinion really.

I do think that some of these men's lib guys are a bit hung up on materialism.........wealth isn't the limiting reagent for happiness for many, but we have discussed that at length in another thread.

neither is a legal document.

i think you can have a great life, with a woman, without being legally tied to her. i think a lot of folks in this thread seem to think that its marriage, or living alone, being alone, never being with a woman. which is crazy. you can have lifelong relationships and not be married. you can be happy as a couple, without a legal document saying so.

so whats the point?

i also agree that a solid pre-nep avoids a lot of these issues, and something i would REQUIRE if i ever got married.

[aschen]

Kids are important to me, as they have brought me more joy than anything else by a huge margin.

You can have kids without a marriage, my son was born before I married my wife. I asked my wife to give up a lot to raise our kids, basically any ability to be financially successful. So besides being 0.1% sentimental/traditional our marriage serves as a pragmatic legal contract. In exchange for giving up your career, I agree to at least feed her if things don't work out (to paraphrase).


Or maybe the traditional family structure is right for you. Sweet, do what you like. The point of marriage is the same as the point of nearly everything else, up to the participant to decide.

[Seahawk]

I didn't get married until my mid 30's because I hadn't met the right person and wasn't willing to compromise. That was me.

My best friend got married in college to the right person and they are in the same boat my wife and I find ourselves: Pleased and delighted we have shared our lives so far and are willing to share more: Great kids and happy in our struggles past and present.

The one trait I think all successful relationships share is "work through it" communication: I'd like to meet the couple that never argues so I can rub their unicorn horn for luck.

Maturity is best expressed in a relationship when the common good gains purchase. It isn't easy.

The whole thing could blow up tomorrow, btw, and I could be sleeping on CP's couch writing my own Anti-Marriage Manifesto - forward written by PoP

[aigel]

I don't know a lot of happy bachelors, especially once mid-age hits. That article must be written by such a guy, it is oozing with cynicism and frustration. Seems there is a big difference in general health and fitness as well between married and unmarried men. I see this in my own social circles:
Does Marriage Help You Live Longer? - MensJournal.com

Of course you can't be an idiot picking a spouse. If you fall for the first bimbo that is ready to hook up, you have nobody but yourself to blame.

G

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by aschen

I think some might over think this one. Get married if you want, or don't. There is nothing deeper here than personal opinion really.

This times 10,000, no one holds a gun to your head and forces you to get married {okay... maybe a shotgun to you back in certain parts of the country.}

Of course it is much more complicated than that... step one is don't let the little head do the thinking.

[rusnak]

Why would I care if someone who is bad at being married chooses to not marry?

I could not care less.

If only we could get people who were bad parents from becoming parents, that might be a topic to get worked up about.

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by scottmandue

This times 10,000, no one holds a gun to your head and forces you to get married {okay... maybe a shotgun to you back in certain parts of the country.}

Of course it is much more complicated than that... step one is don't let the little head do the thinking.

BS

i think a lot of folks get married ONLY because their GF gives them, either explicitly, or implicitly, the ultimatum.

[motion]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

i think a lot of folks get married ONLY because their GF gives them, either explicitly, or implicitly, the ultimatum.

My first 2 marriages were because of ultimatums. I DID NOT want to get married either time, but I am a very worry-free, footloose and optimistic personality, so I always trusted that things would work out. They did not. Ce la vie.

I agree that a lot of guys find themselves in this situation. Women don't appreciate getting strung along for years - understandably - and by then, the guy is usually at the point of no return = its too painful and difficult to break up a multi-year relationship.

Now, a lot of guys have little or no hope of landing anything remotely attractive or worthwhile, so they marry at the first opportunity. I see this as a pitfall of a guy in his 20's or 30's with limited earning capacity and therefore, self confidence. Once the do-re-mi starts rolling in and the guy gets some game, the confidence builds and he can become a bit smarter about his choices.

Of course, if you're rocking white sunglasses and skinny jeans, none of the above applies. You're fighting them off from a very early age.

[rusnak]

^ You forgot the flip flops and man purse.