Arden and Bob

Seahawk · 01-25-2017, 12:27 PM

My parents. Arden died in 1990 and it took years for me not to miss her every thing every day. She was my soul.

Bob died just over two years ago and I miss him, but without the fervor of a mothers love lost.

Until now. I wanted to share some things with him today; two successes, one business related and the other the kids...thought I'd give him a call and hear the kindness of his advice.

Gone.

That's it: No moral to the story, no advice.

Arden and Bob. Thank you both.

GH85Carrera · GH85Carrera's Garage

Paul, I know your pain.

I lost my parents, mom went first as well. I still think of things I wish I could ask dad about or to give him an update.

I was a very lucky guy to have two loving parents that were "normal" and were married for over 50 years. Never once did I wonder if there was going to be food on the table, never worried about a real beating.

It is tough to be an orphan at any age.

stomachmonkey · 01-25-2017, 12:45 PM

I'm sorry Paul.

Your mom's name was Arden?

That's my daughters name.

Seahawk · 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

I'm sorry Paul.

Your mom's name was Arden?

That's my daughters name.

It was. And now my Daughter's name as well.

87911jon · 87911jon's Garage

I'm also sorry... My Dad died in '89 Mom in '92. Death really drives home the fact that they're gone. So much I'd like to share with them, can still hear my Dad's laugh.

Evans, Marv · 01-25-2017, 01:59 PM

You guys don't know how lucky you are. Our home was an emotional desert. My parents favorite saying was, "Children are to be seen and not heard." They fed & clothed us and made us feel like we were burdens. When I'd go to friends' houses, I'd marvel at how their parents interacted with them as real human beings. Even if your parents are gone, consider your lives enviably enriched by having relationships of mutual respect & love between you and them.

gacook · gacook's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by Evans, Marv

You guys don't know how lucky you are. Our home was an emotional desert. My parents favorite saying was, "Children are to be seen and not heard." They fed & clothed us and made us feel like we were burdens. When I'd go to friends' houses, I'd marvel at how their parents interacted with them as real human beings. Even if your parents are gone, consider your lives enviably enriched by having relationships of mutual respect & love between you and them.

Ditto. I envy those who have/had strong relationships with their parents. Mine are still alive (Dad and Stepmom raised me), but I don't talk to them at all anymore.

I try to be their exact opposite in every way when dealing with my kids.

Evans, Marv · 01-25-2017, 02:08 PM

Yes, I'm a totally different kind of person than my parents - a conscious choice.

Jeff Higgins · 01-25-2017, 02:30 PM

Paul, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mother two years ago; she was 84, I was 54. We lost dad when I was only 18... I never got to know him as another man. Both were loving, caring parents. My dad was Irish, and every bit the Leprechaun. My mom was German, and every bit the strict taskmaster, but always in a loving way. I still reach for the phone to call her sometimes when I have "newsey news" for her... I still find myself thinking "I'll stop by mom's on the way home"...

RKDinOKC · RKDinOKC's Garage

Will be two years in March. Spent 15 years being the caregiver from my Mom with Alzheimer's. Refused to put her in a facility and kept her in my home. Worked it out to work from home so I could take care of her 24/7. Kinda sad to watch her just slowly forget everything and go blank. But always being around she always new me and appreciated Me being here for her. Sometime I still feel like she is just in the next room and expect to hear her.

The worst part was keeping my siblings from visiting and trying to divvy up and get rid of her stuff long before she passed. It was the opposite of help.

GH85Carrera · GH85Carrera's Garage

I am so happy I got smart enough to tell my parents that I appreciated growing up in a normal household. It was a leave it Beaver childhood. Except we moved a lot.

gsxrken · gsxrken's Garage

Paul,
I remember you posted what I recall as a remarkable tribute to a man and a life lived well when your father passed. And I recall your posts about the grace that your son displayed after his eye injury altered his plans. I'm not around here too much but both stuck with me: my mentor father has metastasized PC, and my son is at West Point. They're both fine men that I'm blessed to know.
I don't know you, brother, but I'm feeling for ya tonight.

Crowbob · 01-25-2017, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RKDinOKC

Will be two years in March. Spent 15 years being the caregiver from my Mom with Alzheimer's. Refused to put her in a facility and kept her in my home. Worked it out to work from home so I could take care of her 24/7. Kinda sad to watch her just slowly forget everything and go blank. But always being around she always new me and appreciated Me being here for her. Sometime I still feel like she is just in the next room and expect to hear her.

The worst part was keeping my siblings from visiting and trying to divvy up and get rid of her stuff long before she passed. It was the opposite of help.

My respect to you, sir. I was in the process of pursuing guardianship for my mom and moving her into my house when she passed from heart failure. I'd been counseled that it would be an extreme hardship and was preparing myself for it.

As far as loved ones lost goes, I am finding it difficult not being able to share events of my life with my best friend who passed 5 years ago as much as with my deceased parents. Upside: I cherish the people still on this side of the grass more.

IROC · IROC's Garage

My Dad died a year ago yesterday. I still find myself wanting to call or send him an email as if I can actually do that.

My Mom is in the late stages of COPD. I'm going to send her an email right now.

I read once that you never truly become an adult until you go through the loss of your parents. I am starting to understand that now.

Laneco · 01-26-2017, 09:24 AM

Just read your post Paul... Can't call my Dad anymore and it still bothers me. But I'm lucky, I can still call my Mom. So I'm signing off now and calling her right now.

angela

Amail · 01-26-2017, 09:41 AM

Both my parents are around, and in good health. Each are in their mid 70's, so I know it's coming and I'm not prepared for it. I have a weekly call with my dad, and my mom and I are pretty active on Facebook, so we maintain good contact, but it will be tough when those days come.

flatbutt · 01-26-2017, 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Evans, Marv

You guys don't know how lucky you are. Our home was an emotional desert. My parents favorite saying was, "Children are to be seen and not heard." They fed & clothed us and made us feel like we were burdens. When I'd go to friends' houses, I'd marvel at how their parents interacted with them as real human beings. Even if your parents are gone, consider your lives enviably enriched by having relationships of mutual respect & love between you and them.

same here. except when Dad was pissed then there was emotion aplenty. But most families in our neighborhood were much the same.

Seahawk · 10:20 AM

I am quite aware, like GH85Carerra (Glen) and others, just what a fortunate son I was.

My wife's experience was exactly the opposite of mine: Angry, bitter loveless sumps for parents who both exacted a pitiless toll on my wife. What they inadvertently created was an accomplishment machine who earned her way out: All A's, scholarships, marrying the man of her dreams

I remain fortunate, and I thank you all for this forum. My OP was during an odd moment of reflection when I thought I could reach out and touch something that no longer is.

Best to all.