What do you guys think... did I overreact?
 

So I have a racer buddy on Facebook as one of my "friends". He lives in a different part of the USA and I've only actually met him a couple times in person. Good guy, though. Married.

A couple weeks ago, he friend-requests my wife. She tells me that he did so, and I said, no problem... he's probably just trying to promote his business (he has a small boutique winery). So she accepts.

Immediately, he private messages her, saying: (paraphrasing here) "I hope your husband takes you on some of his trips, seeing as how he's always off running around the world."

Since he was friends with her, he could have easily clicked on her photos and seen photos from around the world that were recent.

Then, he posts a public remark on one of her photos, saying "Love a woman with power tools... and pink boots! Lol". (photo is of her holding a weed whacker while wearing a dress).

Drama, I know, I know :)

I de-friended his ass.

Last thing I need is my "friends" PM'ing my wife with crap like that. I figure he's probably going thru a divorce. Maybe he was drinking, I dunno.

Justified or over-reacting?

He's an azzhole.

You don't have conversations like that with another man's wife.

EVER! justified!!

Oui, un vrais Trou de Cul.

Unfortunately, I think the "Face Book", "Tweeters" and the likes has or is destroying your country. So easy to attack while hiding behind the web.

Isn't the entirety of social media all about over reacting? I don't participate in any way (other than on this forum) just because of the apparently ongoing soap opera and drama (I guess there is plenty of that here though too...).

I dunno - seem like pretty innocuous comments to me. I think if maybe you could see the expression on his face as he makes them, you may take them a bit differently, possibly in the light-hearted way in which he meant them. Some folks are just socially awkward, especially on social media. That, and it seems as though if there is any way whatsoever to view something in a negative light, that seems to be the default we are stuck with in this age of electronic communication. Maybe try giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Justified.

Never play ANY silly games with another man's wife without 30 years of a friendship basis. The slant must be humorous, and is even then not without risk.

Inappropriate PM. Period.

Seems a little weird to me, and I would have considered it a bit over the line. They weren't WAY over the line. It wasn't overt requests for nudie pics or "do you wanna hook up the next time your man is away from home", but they were a bit weird. It's entirely possible that his statements were completely innocent and he may have said them sitting at a table with both of you there, but since they weren't in person, that makes a difference. You need to be a bit more careful via text/email/etc... than when you are in person because things can be read and taken many different ways if the benefit of tone and facial/body-language isn't present.

I think Facebook makes people think they know others better than they do, and it tends to blur the lines of appropriateness for some people

As a nice guy I rate his actions as inappropriate at best

As a pessimistic guy I rate his actions as aggressive or malicious

I don't think you overreacted
(You wouldn't want to have seen my reaction if it was me in your shoes right now )

At a minimum I wouldn't have simply unfriended him, I would have confronted him and called him on it, for a start

Thus is why I don't have social media .........'cept for here.

You are right to unfriend him. If in doubt I would. You or your wife don't need that kind of nonsense.

He broke the code of honor.

Ef him....

His game is a little better than that, give him some credit.

Inappropriate, he was testing the waters.

I don't participate on Facebook. From what I've seen of it, there are far too many people (men especially) making comments like that.

Was fishing. As stated, he broke the code of honor.

You just don't do that unless a fool with a glandular problem.

As the presiding PPOT page 1 azzhole, I take exception to that...don't need the company either :).

Who knows what his intentions were..."might" have been innocent...but still wierd. I do know one thing though....I bet Ms. Motion is perfectly capable of putting him in his place :).

The only way I will ever join FB is if....

Nope....just ain't gonna happen.

No, you did not over react.

Justified... as others said, he was fishing.

I just can't believe this goof would make a high risk play like that for a married gal in another state! Nothing against your wife, but it just seems like a highly improbable positive outcome.

Creepy.

Wait. You know two people that own boutique wineries?

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/06...g?v=1492569638

^^ That was my first thought as well. But some people are REALLY socially inept, if you try really hard to give the guy the benefit of a doubt, he could be one of those folks. It would be weird for him to be trying to "hook up" with someone halfway across the country unless maybe he specifically looks for cyber hook ups.

Yeah, I am cynical and assume he was fishing, but since I don't know the guy at all, it is possible that he's just an innocent moron however small the chance may be.

VERY inappropriate!

I can't imagine any of my friends addressing my wife in any way without going through me, nor would I do the reverse. I agree with others. He's either a complete social klutz, or knowing you travel a lot, was tossing a line in the water to see if it got a nibble. I suspect the later. Good riddance!

Playa!

I asked the missus what she thought. She said that it seems a little weird, but that it seemed more likely that he's just really an extra friendly person than fishing. Since he asked permission to friend the wife it doesn't seem like if he was going to fish, he'd lead with that. It seems more likely that he would wait a while.

She thinks it was weird, but that you may have overreacted.

I think you're a bit off with loving to post pics of your attractive wife, then getting miffed if anybody reacts.

Hell, I remember that before you married her, you considered swapping her for a weekend for the use of a Ferrari.

So, are you bragging or complaining?

The guy tried to mess with your marriage. So why would he do that? :rolleyes:

You didn't over react at all.

Creep.

You don't private message/chat up the friends wife. If it ain't public, just don't do it.

You don't comment on old photos when looking thru FB albums. That is just creepy for anyone. Only comment on new posts/pics as they are posted. Social media is current not melancholy.

This is middle school drama ... i am still amazed FB is now something old people use.

Sure, you can go ahead and unfriend a guy that wasn't your friend in the first place. But why even allow strange people access to your life to this level? I'd sign off the crap site and be done with it.

G

I think there's a lot of older folks (meaning, creepy men) who don't know how social media works. I think they're not aware that what they're posting is visible to EVERYONE, they couldn't possibly say that stuff if they knew anyone could see it, right?

We have an especially...sexy...traffic girl here in town, with a popular facebook page. I often see guys posting on there, saying stuff like "boy, I wish I could sleep with you". Essentially saying that, but not in so many words. You see that comment, then you look at the user's picture, and it's some 70 year old retiree. Then, you click on their picture, and it goes to their facebook page, and it's post after post of them with their wife.

Um...dude...not only can *I* see your perverted comment, so can your *wife*, and all of your *friends*, and the dude down the street, and the mailman, and EVERYONE.

I have to assume that they are unaware of how it works, or else who would actually say some of this stuff?

You didn't over react, you hardly reacted... :)

So you un-friended him, big deal. He doesn't even get a notification. Reacting would have involved contacting him and asking him WTF he was up to...

Hmm... this pretty much changes everything...

Justified

I think it's odd.

A F*** Y** level of odd.

Maybe I missed it but did your wife unfriend him too? Just making sure.

Also beyond unfriending you can block them too.

Fishing, social klutz, or plain old moron, you don't need to bother with people like that in your life.

This is the problem with social media, you can't see the expression on his face, or hear the inflection in his voice, when he makes comments like those to your wife, so two of the prime indicators for judging a response are absent.

So many people mis-understand the intent of a response because of this, that it does become a drama fest.

In this case, I think he may have been out of line, especially with someone elses wife (that I believe has never met her, correct ?)