10 Years Gone

[legion]

Last night, at 11:15, I get a text message. I have insomnia, and there is a critical point that if I don't fall asleep in the first hour or so after going to bed, I'm going to be up all night. I stick to a routine which helps tremendously, but disruption to this routine can have a big impact on me. I'm expecting a family emergency, so my brain is spinning up to deal with crisis as I reach for the phone.

I see the text message is from Bob. He apparently is in my town occasionally and wants to get together. I guess he still has my phone number--despite me ignoring his attempts to contact me for almost 10 years. I haven't seen him since my wedding 13 years ago (when he wrote me a bad check as a gift--that cost me a $25 service fee). I haven't spoken to him in 8 years. I stopped responding when I got a collection notice for his student loans.

I may agree to get together with him. But if I do, it will be at some neutral place so I can feel out if he's changed at all in 10 years.

Thoughts?

Some background:

My Dumb@$$ Friend

You guys have any nutty friends ?

Ever reconnected with an old friend only to find out you dont like them anymore?

[jhynesrockmtn]

Have a beer with the guy, expect to pay for it, keep it to , one or two, you'll probably get some good stories to entertain us with so it's worth it.

[Chocaholic]

But if you do that, you can expect more of those late night texts and calls. Either you want him in your life or not. Make a decision.

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by legion

Last night, at 11:15, I get a text message. I have insomnia, and there is a critical point that if I don't fall asleep in the first hour or so after going to bed, I'm going to be up all night.
Thoughts?

I can't help with your friend, but I certainly understand your sleep issue. I'm the same way, and it is frustrating.

[sammyg2]

I suspect this will end badly, i.e. he will hit you up for money or pull some scam.
Personally I'd pass.

[ckelly78z]

Yea, DON'T let him come to your home for any reason, I just can't see any good coming from that with the reputaion he has. Like it was mentioned above, meet him for a beer or two at a nuetral place (get there first and find a table and get a beer for you alone).

[legion]

Originally Posted by ckelly78z

Yea, DON'T let him come to your home for any reason, I just can't see any good coming from that with the reputaion he has. Like it was mentioned above, meet him for a beer or two at a nuetral place (get there first and find a table and get a beer for you alone).

This is where I'm at. He said he's in town occasionally for work, so that at least implies some kind of long-term, consistent employment. I'll scope it out. If it goes badly, I can always just put his phone number on ignore.

[cstreit]

I guess I would ask what do you hope to gain out of this? Rekindled friendship? Satisfy your curiousity? Explore why, this may help you decide what to do...

[Holger]

I'd pass!

[EMJ]

This is why you have a block feature on your smartphone. Calls, texts, nothing will come through and you don't have to worry about it anymore. Why bother with this guy?

[asphaltgambler]

Leave him be and put what ever energy into connecting someone new that has quality of character.

[GH85Carrera]

Originally Posted by asphaltgambler

Leave him be and put what ever energy into connecting someone new that has quality of character.

This. Block his contact info on your cell. He can call on someone eases phone of course but do not let him in your life. At most meet at a bar in a different part of town from where you work or live. Have one beer and tell him to not contact you ever again.

[Evans, Marv]

One question. WHY??? In thirteen years of not seeing him & eight of not talking to him and nothing but negative experiences before that. WHY??? It's not that it's going to add anything to your life. You're not that desperate for friends.

[recycled sixtie]

Take the high road and meet with this old friend. If you have insomnia it will be reduced because you have shown some empathy and done the right thing.

[speedster911]

I have a friend exactly like this - I was describing him one day to my wife, she looks at me and asks- why do you want that in your life?

never reconnected, I am sure he is still the mess he was when we were growing up. As I have grown older I realize who my true friends are..

[Laneco]

A text to go have a few beers from someone you haven't seen in a decade, don't particularly like AND text sent at 11:15pm on a weekday night?

Not the way you rekindle any type of functional relationship. Pass on this one, or at least put it off for "a more convenient time".

angela

[tabs]

Hey you never know what might come of it? He might even make everything up to you by letting you in on his Nigerian bank account deal? That would be sweet!

[stevej37]

Originally Posted by recycled sixtie

Take the high road and meet with this old friend. If you have insomnia it will be reduced because you have shown some empathy and done the right thing.

This ^^^
If you do loan him any money....make it a small fraction of the amt he is asking.
If he can't repay, he won't ask for more. Consider it money well spent.

[legion]

If I do decide to respond and meet him:

1) I won't loan him any money. Period. I stopped that 20 years ago. I won't even pay for a beer. Any asking of money I would take as a sign he hasn't changed enough I'd be interested in dealing with him again.

2) I see signs he may have grown up. From what I can tell, he is married, with kids and gainful employment. If he has grown up and no longer expects me to take care of him, I may be interested in having a conversation with him.

3) It would be very easy for me to walk away if he still isn't a person I want to associate with. I've done it before. I have no problem with doing it again.

4) Worst case, he's the same person he was 10 years ago. I'll probably get a good story out of the encounter.

5) My hope is enough time has passed that he has some perspective and maturity. I don't expect this, though.

[RonDent]

Don't do it. Let him go. No good can come of it.