Creative Engineering III....The Socks are explained!!!

[AFJuvat]

The resurection of the two original "creative engineering" posts prompted me to call the owner in question this morning.

The car had not been worked on since the last time he had brought it here to the shop. Since then, the car had developed a few more problems.

The shark is dead. Apparently, he started experiencing low oil pressure. His solution was to continue adding oil. The car ran poorly, then gave a sickening crunch and died. He drained the oil - after removing approximately 11 quarts of oil mixed with chunks of metal, he declared the car dead.

I asked him if he managed to get all of his laundry out of the car before he had it hauled off to the junkyard. His response was "what do you mean?"

Mind you , I am re-reading these posts as I am talking to him, and I couldn't help it, I started laughing. I mentioned the large number (10 - 15) of socks I had found in various cubbyholes in the car.

He stated that the socks were there to keep various parts (like the battery) from moving around. He was using them as cushons rather than using the proper hold down devices.

He then went on to ask why I had removed them, as he had to replace them.

In honor of the demise of the shark, I resurect this post, made when I was living on caffene and nicotine, and not much else.


With my apologies to Don Mclean.

AFJuvat

Porsche of Mine

A long long time ago
I can still remember how his car used to make him smile
And I knew if he had his chance; that he could make those ricers dance
and maybe they'd shut up for a while.

But February made me shiver. With every post that was delivered
Bad news on the doorstep I couldn't take one more step
I can't remember if I cried when I read about his Oil cooler fried.
But something touched me deep inside the day his Porsche died.

So bye bye to the Porsche of Mine
I thought he hit the bottom when the timing belt died
But now the clutch is toast,
and the tranny is fried
Singin' this'll be the day that I die, this'll be the day that I die.

Did you write the book of “DUH”, and do you have faith in Torque above?
If the manual tells you so.
Do you believe that a head can blow? Can ignored advice save your car’s soul?
And should I explain this to you real slow?

Well, I know that you're in love with it 'cause I heard you brag and talking *****.
You ripped off the engines head, ensuring the engine stays dead.

He’s now a lonely teenage broncin' buck; with a pink carnation and a pickup truck.
But I knew he was out of luck on the day his Porsche Died

He started stared singin' bye bye to the Porsche of Mine
I thought he hit the bottom when the timing belt died
But now the clutch is toast,
and the tranny is fried
Singin' this'll be the day that I die, this'll be the day that I die.

Now for ten years I've been wrenching on my own
And your cars now as useful as a rollin' stone
But that's not how it used to be
When the newbie began to whine and scream
and ignored advice that could save his machine
from a voice that came from you and me

Oh, and while the wrench was looking down, the newbies stole his thorny crown.
The chatroom was adjourned. No verdict was returned
and while a newbie read “The Book of Parts” the wrenches practice in the park
and we sang dirges in the dark.
The day his Porsche Died.

We were singing bye bye to the Porsche of Mine
I thought he hit the bottom when the timing belt died
But now the clutch is toast,
and the tranny is fried
Singin' this'll be the day that I die, this'll be the day that I die..

Helter-Skelter in a summer swelter the coolant blew off and he ran for shelter
180 PSI and falling fast.
Water pump landed on the grass; the newbie tried for an electric pump by-pass
With the wrenches on the sidelines in a cast.

Now the garage air was sweet perfume While the wrenches tried to get the engine in tune
We all got up to assist; but we usually wound up p*ssed!
'cause the wrenches tried to take the field; the clueless ones refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day his Porsche Died

We stared singing bye bye to the Porsche of Mine
I thought he hit the bottom when the timing belt died
But now the clutch is toast,
and the tranny is fried
Singin' this'll be the day that I die, this'll be the day that I die.

Oh, and there we were all in one place
A BBS Lost in Space
With no time left to post again
So come on, Juvat be nimble, Britwrench be quick
AE, fix this vibration in my stick
'cause I ignored you before, explain again.

Oh, and as I watched him whine on the page
SoCal’s hands were clenched in fists of rage
No angel born in hell could break that “parts car” spell
and as the head blew high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw Juvat laughing with delight
The day his Porsche Died

He was singing bye bye to the Porsche of Mine
I thought he hit the bottom when the timing belt died
But now the clutch is toast,
and the tranny is fried
Singin' this'll be the day that I die, this'll be the day that I die.

I met a wrench who sang the blues And I asked him for some happy news
But he just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred store where I'd bought my parts years before
But the man there said the Porsches couldn’t play.

And in the streets the wrenches screamed; the owners cried, and the newbies dreamed
But not a word was spoken the valve train was all broken.
And three men I admire most: AE, SoCal and Britwrench the most,
They caught the last train for the coast, the day his Porsche Died.

And they were singing bye bye to the Porsche of Mine
I thought he hit the bottom when the timing belt died
But now the clutch is toast,
and the tranny is fried
Singin' this'll be the day that I die, this'll be the day that I die.

They were singing bye bye to the Porsche of Mine
I thought he hit the bottom when the timing belt died
but now the clutch is toast,
and the tranny is fried
Singin' this'll be the day that I die.

[legion]

Hey...post that on the "Porsche Poetry" thread in OT!

[bryanthompson]

haha! He actually had to replace the socks! Classic! It's sad to see the car dead, but we all knew it was just a matter of time.

AFJuvat, You are a rockstar!!

GA guys, I feel a scavenger hunt coming on

[Dave L]

Hmm, spare tire, jack, air pump, a few tools, spare DME, lamp cord and a pack of tube socks. Yup, I'm prepared for any potential problem!

[tobster1911]

Hey now. Don't be too quick to knock socks as performance enhancers. This just in from OT.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Iggy
[B]That would be Mark Kibort. He uses the same S4 that set the speed record back in '87 (Holbert car)

http://www.928registry.org/1987-928S4-Mark-Kibort-Excellence-10-2004.htm

And in this link we have....

“I drove over the Sierra Nevadas,” relishes Kibort. “It wasn’t raining, but it was winter and the semis were throwing up melting snow.” The electrics were questionable at best. There were headlights but no windshield wipers, forcing Kibort to improvise with a glove-covered hand. And then there was the matter of the baby socks. When he inspected the car, he noticed the air box was missing its filter. Kibort embarked on the drive anyway, thinking the lack of a filter wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Then he started seeing a lot of dirt on the road. Afraid his motor might ingest foreign matter, Kibort pulled over to find a solution. A pair of baby socks were put on the inlet of the air box in lieu of the missing filter. Around 10:00 pm, the tired but still powerful 928 arrived at Kibort’s home in Los Gatos.

Might a sock offer better filtering than a K&N Cone filter?

[CJFusco]

if only he knew how much his scrap-heap had meant to us here on Pelican

so, he basically killed his car by adding too much oil when he probably just had a bad pressure sensor sender or gauge?

you should offer to buy whatever's left for cheap, and make some kind of monument to 'creative engineering' out of it.

[bryanthompson]

We have to at least get a picture of this car. We have some GA members, don't we? This would be a worthy cause, we need this car!

[CJFusco]

i agree. I proudly offer a $5 contribution.

[bryanthompson]

I'm in for 5.

[operationcougar]

sorry i didnt notice that there was a number III (i never said i was all that inteligent so this is a repost as i wouldnt want any of you to have to miss it




i know its a little off topic, but i have recently encountered such mysterious engineering as well

a couple months ago i had a guy call me and tell me that his car had a fuel leak and he wanted me to look at it. he told me that he had patched it twice now and its just not working. so he brings the car in, and we stand around talking a bit, and he tells me that he had to patch it a third time before he left his house. constantly im looking under the car to see if this thing is pooring fuel like a waterfall all over my garage floor, but no it looks fine. anyway his girlfriend shows up to give him a ride and i get under there and look to where he told me to. and sure enough i see a bunch of rubber pulled around a fitting with a "ballon" like section about 4" around and filled with gas. (the rubber looks at first like that kind used when they tie off your arm when they take blood)

anyway i remove the bulge and notice a oddly defined dimple pattern in it. then i begin removing the rest of it, and i get it all off, and i slide out from under to grab some new fittings and look at this pile of plastic and i kid you not, make out what looks like a condom. then on closer inspection and the help of some pliers sure enough we have 3 condoms used as fuel line patches

the guy shows up in an hour with his girlfriend and asks if i had finished. i said yes but then i went on to describe my findings, and just as i began to ask him why he did this his lady friend interupts and says "what do you have condoms in your car for? we dont use them, thats why you wanted me on the pill!!!"

so i quikly write up a bill, pull his car out for him, and silently escape inside. anyhow i just figured i would share this story of mine into the creative engineering thread


ian

_____

[AFJuvat]

There is a picture of the car.

This post was taken at about the same time. The white 928 on the lift is the creatively engineered car.

Pictures of Toyland

AFJuvat

[bryanthompson]

hahahahahaha!!! that's hilarious, cougar!

[ae1969]

I had to replace the socks ...............


ROFFFLLLLLLLLLLLL

[AaronM]

Dang, I should have asked Britwrench and Ronin use socks on my 951 when they gave it a going-over. I can't believe I forgot about that performance secret.

[CJFusco]

Originally posted by AFJuvat
There is a picture of the car.

This post was taken at about the same time. The white 928 on the lift is the creatively engineered car.

Pictures of Toyland

AFJuvat

looks like it WAS a very nice-looking car! I love 928s in white...

[Porsche-O-Phile]

I'm in for 5. . . and a pair of socks.

You know, since Creative Engineering I I've literally carried a pair of tube socks in my glove compartment in the 951. I ain't kidding. At least mine are new and in the package though - and red. I'm a diehard Red Sox fan, but I still make sure that the socks are a "go/no-go" item in there.