Elderly parent care (index) thread

[Tobra]

Lost them both a few years ago. Dad first, then Mom a few years later.

I was the last one to speak to both of them.

It does not get easier.

[E Sully]

Originally Posted by Noah930

Condolences to you and your sister, Ed. How is your sister doing?

She is taking things as well as I could hope. I will be taking her out to eat tomorrow.
With all the physical and mental disabilities she was born with, and how hard the family worked to bring her along she is amazing. The people who work in the underfunded organizations are too. I just wish my other sister and brother were more a part of the family. From all the people I met at mom's assisted care it seems to be fairly common for just one of the children to be involved though.
I know how you feel Tobra. I am just grateful mom was ready and went comfortably. My father was not as fortunate when he passed in 2007. His last year was very rough.

[Noah930]

Originally Posted by E Sully

From all the people I met at mom's assisted care it seems to be fairly common for just one of the children to be involved though.

That's an interesting observation. I wonder why. Obviously children who live far away can't be around much. But those with kids in the same town? Their own work and/or family commitments? Maybe they have their own hang ups about seeing their parents at this stage in life? Long-harbored resentment? But yeah, sounds a bit sad for whatever the reason(s).

Slightly different situation, but when I was a med student at LA County, you'd come across patients who were estranged/distant from their family. No one to call to let know their son/husband/dad/brother was in the hospital.

[oldE]

Each child deals with the change in their relationship with their parent in their own way. They may not be able to explain why they aren't involved. When a parent becomes the one needing care, the shift in the dynamic may be so disruptive for some they are not able to come to terms with the shift or understand how they can interact with the parent. That disruption is, I think, part of the grieving process. Perhaps misplaced, but a way of coping. Two of my wife's siblings are regular visitors to their mother. The youngest has more difficulty getting there with any regularity. Travel time is about a half hour for each.
We each give according to our ability.

Best
Les

[jhynesrockmtn]

Condolences to your family and I guess just a kudos to you for how you have handled this and cared for your Mom and sister. I worked in the disabilities field for a long time and family dynamics can be interesting. You sound like an amazingly supportive person.

The last few years with my Mom were tough with her dementia. If there is one blessing that came from it, it would be my sister and I spending more time together. She is a trooper and a natural care giver. When she moved further away, I took on more responsibility. I more than owed both of them that much. I did meet many people in her facilities that had no one. It was very sad. I used to take our older dog there and just hang out. Everyone lit up when Gracie was there. Especially my Mom.

[E Sully]

It's amazing how a dog gives comfort to many. There are people that bring dogs regularly to both my sisters and mothers assisted living facilities.

[jhynesrockmtn]

Originally Posted by E Sully

It's amazing how a dog gives comfort to many. There are people that bring dogs regularly to both my sisters and mothers assisted living facilities.

They really do love it. The facility was great about it too. She just needed to be current on her shots. They didn't require her to be a certified therapy dog.

[Baz]

Originally Posted by jhynesrockmtn

-snip-Everyone lit up when Gracie was there. Especially my Mom.

Lovely photo, Jerry....God Bless!

[Racerbvd]

You know that you are in a new direction when you go from…

To this.


But I won’t change a thing.