Looking back, how would you liked to have been raised?

[pwd72s]

My own story pretty boring. Two parents, small town, public school. Not really why I decided to post. Just wondering if anybody else had one as er, interesting as this one from a pool site I visit. The thread chatting about players now gone.

"I really miss John. We usually talked once a week or so, regaling one another with stories. Of course, he had a ton. Mine were more about growing up in The City. I was put in catholic school and my mom ran three topless bars on Broadway."

[thingmon]

Small town Presbyterian... Not sure it could get more boring, but I didnt get into much trouble.

[RNajarian]

Pretty much the same for me, however the boring I think was good. I was raised in northern Ohio.

It forced me to use my imagination. I lived on a 220 acre golf course, the nearest neighbor was 2 miles away (houses did not line the various fareways.)

I would reenact famous WW2 Pacific theater battles using model planes, the blue plastic boats Dairy Queen used for their banana splits, and anything else I could get my hands on.

In the winter we made snow caves and ice skated.

No internet, video games, or cell phones but plenty to come up with to do.

Probably the best time I’d my life.

[Bill Douglas]

Terrible.

Explains why I'm such an arsehole.

My father was a crazed alcoholic. He had phenomenal amount of money so he could maintain an upper middleclass lifestyle and appearance. But at home he was beating his wife and little boy. I was brought up to believe I was the most evil person on earth. Up until the age of eight I was stepping in to fistfight my father to protect my mother. My mom decided it was time to leave when I pulled a gun on my father LOL

He also had two psychology degrees so he also knew how to get inside the head of people he hated (my mother and me) to really hurt them as well as the daily/weekly beatings.

Kids who grew up in a warzone had it rough but at least the other guy wore a different uniform. Me, I had to keep it quiet so the neighbours and friends didn't know. Their opinion of us was more important than the well being of the little boy.

Please excuse the vile rant but over the last five years I thought it was time not to keep the family's dirty little secret a secret anymore.

[KFC911]

That's hard to read Bill .... glad you rose above it and thanks for sharing!

Me .... great, hard working, parents (ultra religious and pretty strict), a city boy with plenty of time spent "in the country" on both sides of the family. No TV, killed more of my friends playing Army and Cowboy & Indians, than I care to remember ... all the freedom and range that my Schwinn could provide .

They taught me values and by example .... didn't turn out any better than Bill did tho...

A fantastic upbringing here ... my faults ... I learned away from home

[recycled sixtie]

Interesting backgrounds. Bill D you have my sympathy. I cannot imagine anything so bad as that.
Yes I had a good upbringing. My mother was tough, outspoken but fair. My father was a Lancaster pilot in WW2. He did two tours of operations but at the end of the war he suffered delayed shock reaction aka a nervous breakdown. I was born in 1946 so was not aware of anything different but my older sister did. I went to boarding school at age nine and continued until I was sixteen. My father bought a garage at the end of WW2. He sold mostly British Leyland cars. Morris, Austin and employed several mechanics. My mother was the bookkeeper. I loved those days.

When I was about thirteen he sold the business and we moved to southern England. He semi retired and my mother went to work as a nurse and later joined Welcome Wagon. My dad died of cancer age 52. He was a heavy smoker. My mother lived till age 94 and never remarried. Yes I loved my upbringing despite everything.

Cheers, Guy.

[jcommin]

Grew up in a 100% Greek American household. Life circle around family and religion. My parents didn't trust the outside world that wasn't Greek. "They are not us" and "the only friends you have are the presidents in your pocket" I was told. I'm 73 yrs old and I still remember those words. You grow up with this defensive mentality - I never had friends, didn't date in HS and most of college. Relationships were hard to make. Worked in family businesses from the time I was 12 to 20. Abused verbally (negative motivation), I didn't have allot of self worth.

My world changed during my last 2 years of college - I really absorbed different people and cultures. It took a very long time and allot of help to understand what I experienced. A big takeaway was this worked for my parents: trying to adjust and they were guarded - it didn't work for me.

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by jcommin

"They are not us" and "the only friends you have are the presidents in your pocket" I was told. I'm 73 yrs old and I still remember those words. You grow up with this defensive mentality - I never had friends, didn't date in HS and most of college. Relationships were hard to make.

I get how your parents can have a negative effect on you, even when they think they are doing the right thing. Glad things are working out better for you.

[wdfifteen]

We lived in a rural grocery store until I was 4, then lived on a farm until I was 13, when Dad went to work in a foundry. I have a brother one year younger than me, a sister 8 years younger, and a baby brother 13 years younger.

Outwardly my folks were clean, sober, model parents. My dad came home from work every day, brought the paycheck home every week, and we always had adequate food, clothing, and shelter.

But they were indifferent parents. I don’t think they really wanted kids. They didn’t even name my brother and I; our names were chosen for us by friends of theirs. But raising a family is what everyone did in those days, so they did too, and I think they believe they did it well by their standards. We never wanted for material things, but we were pretty much ignored otherwise. I was so envious of my cousin. His mom put his schoolwork on the fridge and tacked his artwork to a wall. When I brought home something from school, a drawing or some such, it lied on a table until it was pushed into the trash. My dad wanted me to play high school football, but never taught me a damn thing about the game. I was a mediocre player, which disappointed him I’m sure, but I would have been better if I he had spent some time with me showing me how to play.

My folks did teach us the value of hard work and responsibility. They were perfect examples of those virtues. My dad told me, “You are going to go to college. I don’t know how you are going to pay for it, but you are going to go to college.” I did, it took six years to work my way through engineering school. My siblings were all smart enough to get scholarships.
Our family has been in Ohio since 1739 and I was the second one to graduate from college. My brother was the first, beat me by a year.

In the 21st Century people would say my siblings and I are “on the spectrum.” I hate social situations and I don’t make friends. I have friends, but every single one of them chose me and I don’t know why. If they didn’t call or visit, I would likely never see or talk to them again. I just don’t reach out. I’ve been thinking of going to a social event later this month and I’m already getting nervous.

I didn’t marry until I was 43 and that didn’t last 3 years. My sister has been married 3 times, my brother never married. I don’t know what happened to my baby brother, he married and raised a family like a normal American, but I was a teenager when he was born, and I don’t know what growing up in the family was like for him.

I am so grateful for Vicki, who has been with me for over 20 years and has learned to live with a person who is often “not there.”

Sorry for the long autobiography. I’ve been sitting here with a heating pad on my back since 3 AM with nothing else to do.

[GH85Carrera]

Mine was a "Leave it to Beaver" childhood. Dad was an Air Force pilot, and we moved a lot. I went to 11 different schools in my 12 years of schooling. I never even once worried about where I would sleep or eat. Well, except for mom cooking liver and onions. Belch. I was in Hawaii when it became a state.

I never once saw my parents in a serious argument. No screaming and yelling like almost every TV show or movie. Their big argument was if Paprika had a taste, or was just a color for foods.

I was shy as a 2nd grade kid, and had no friends. I still remember the light bulb moment when we were moving again. I decided being shy was stupid, and my first day at a new school I walked up to group of boys and introduced myself, and I had dozens of friends after that. None were lifetime friends, as we moved again. My wife has friends to this day that she went to grade school with. I learned back then that making friends is easy.

I was super lucky and had great parents. We were never rich as a family growing up as far as money, but we were super rich as far as having a great home life. My parents were married for 54 years before mom died.

[pavulon]

Mostly free-range in a small town.

[herr_oberst]

Not much to say. Born in the fifties, raised in a small-ish "city" (Boise) with all the Americana a fella or fellette could ask for in the '60's and '70's. I had a paper route, a Schwinn Sting Ray, and a handful of friends that I saw every single day, most often all day. I tried my hand at the usual things, sports, music, but never really found my talent with the exception of being able to grind it out when it came to working a job.

4 brothers and sisters, I'm a middle kid. My dad had no business having that many kids emotionally or financially, but mom insisted on raising us Catholic and birth control was a "sin", so, you know, "Gods will." I guess dad's drinking problem was "Gods will" too. He managed to work that out eventually, but the family dynamic made my formative years a trial. I'll let it go at that. I don't wallow in the past but I'm aware of my cynical outlook and I try and keep it to myself the best I can

I'm 65, retired, I reckon I can survive on what I squirreled away unless something radical happens, and I have some good friends that like to see me and I like them.

[jhynesrockmtn]

Two alcoholic parents in a small/medium sized western WA town. Adopted at birth with one younger sister. My parents were at their cores, good loving people who struggled with sobriety. My Dad finally got sober when I was about done with high school. He always kept his job though. Two DUI wrecks that both ended him up in the hospital and jail briefly. If he did that today, it may have ended very differently for him. Luckily nobody else hurt. My Mom had gotten sober a few years prior. We were loved, not beaten, but often alone and constantly on watch for which Dad would show up. The drunk or the angry one. He did have a temper, worse when sober. Never laid a hand on us though. It could have been way worse.

[jcommin]

I really appreciate the courage to tell your stories. I participated in a men's group 24 yrs ago that was a life changing experience for me. Every story I heard had a ripple affect on me. I wasn't alone in my life's journey. I'm experiencing that same ripple reading your posts. Thank you for sharing.

[Zeke]

As I have mentioned before, my family was the poster for "Madmen." I swear the writers knew my dad, the Don Draper of the series. The only thing they left out of the script was the country club. My parents were not a good match and they stayed together too long, until I was 18. I left, been on my own ever since and repudiated country clubs, business social clubs and pretty much all things that many consider to be community status.

I've worked as a construction contractor for the majority of my life and have worked for every kind of person including people who had leaking Harley's in their living room to people living on the golf course in Beverly Hills.

Generally, people are pretty good on the surface but you really don't want to know more. So hanging out is not my style. Get in and get out is. That includes every personal relationship. There are a couple of exceptions, my 2nd wife now of 42 years being first and foremost. My family is extinct at my death. Hers goes on and on and even she is cutting ties.

The people that I get along with the best have labored long and hard for the same cross section that I have. We have stories. We generally see people for who they are. I don't associate with liars, cheats, thieves or adulterers. One chance.

Everyone gets a nickname that loosely describes them. That's probably the biggest source of humor in my life.

[Seahawk]

Wonderful, often heart wrenching thread. Thank you all. Very insightful.

I was very fortunate, almost absurdly so, with my parents and extended family.

That said, my oldest sister, brilliant in ways that I could never be, angry in ways I have never been, an emotional lummox in ways I hope I never am, was raised in the exact same environment my other sister and I were and she was never just happy.

It is not always the parents.

When my father died, his wish was to be interned at West Point with my mother, who died and was cremated years before. Her ashes are at my house because my father knew I would make it work. I was the Executor of his Will.

West Points policy is that the oldest surviving child must agree to adding a wife/significant other to the interment site.

Initially, my oldest sister agreed then decided, with malice, that her/our mother and father would remain apart, regardless of the Will. I had not spoken to my oldest sister in over a decade plus.

I tried again a few months ago, eight years after my father's passing. I had not spoken to her since she denied the Will's request...twice in 20 plus years.

She got mad at me.

Sometimes a parents best, I was there, is not enough.

[JackDidley]

Poor family on the west side of Chicago in the 60s is what I recall. Not much interesting to say about that. A lot I could say, but nothing interesting.

[rfuerst911sc]

My mom and dad were German along with my older brother . I was born in the US . We were typical middle class my dad worked for IBM . Mom was a stay at home mom . She was affectionate my dad was the classic stoic German with minimal emotions . He only hit me once , after that I realized getting hit by hands the size of a catchers mitt was not a good thing . Mom yelled occasionally but not that often . They were good parents .

I had a circle of friends up through high school but after that lost touch as I was busy working . My brother and I were as close as can be for a 12 year difference in age . My mom and dad are gone but my brother is still alive . He lives in NY and I live in Georgia . We see each other 1-2 times a year . Overall I wouldn't change anything about my childhood .

[Zeke]

Our upbringing as boomers was different than many of the generations before. They sometimes couldn't change anything. Big difference.

After the boomer generation even more options, and so on. The multi family unit is basically dead.

[GH85Carrera]

Originally Posted by Zeke

Our upbringing as boomers was different than many of the generations before. They sometimes couldn't change anything. Big difference.

After the boomer generation even more options, and so on. The multi family unit is basically dead.

Yea, kids today can't imagine the freedom on no cell phones. We got home from school, and rode off on our bikes until 6:30 when dinner served. As as that was done, be home before the street light come on. My parents had no idea where were were, or what we were doing.