Family Secrets???

[thingmon]

Let’s see…. Relative by marriage left a backhoe (reported stolen) at other relatives house… owner of said house was a policeman. Had no idea what was up.

Needless to say, they they weren’t pals after that.

[HobieMarty]

Originally Posted by A930Rocket

Ok, so I just thought about this one, but it doesn’t compare to you guys.



Growing up, we always visited our grandparents in Tallasee, Alabama. We had to cross a big bridge, that backed up to a that backed up to a big a big dam and my mom mentioned an aunt or cousin jumped off the bridge, onto the rocks below. I’m thinking it was several hundred feet high. It always scared the **** out of me.

I've walked across that bridge making a video once and know that bridge very well.

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[HobieMarty]

Originally Posted by pwd72s

Being an adoptee is, for me, a weird mental state. All the members of the families I was adopted into as an infant were kind and accepting...no complaints there. But I stood out looks wise. Blond, blue eyes in two families of brown hair & eyes. Never had a feeling of totally belonging, with a nagging thought of knowing I was somebody's throwaway.

I've had talks with other adoptees who have felt the same way. Don't read this wrong..I'll always care about my adopted family, and I loved my "real" parents, those who raised me...perhaps even more than a birth child could. After all, they showed the real love of taking on a responsibility that others didn't want to. But..those feelings are there.

(edit) Anyway, I know of no secrets in my adopted family...but it doesn't take much to imagine that my genetic family has some.

Creaturecat..if you have those same feelings, be assured you're not alone.

Never, ever, ever think of yourself as someone's throwaway!!! You are not!!!

Wow, this thread needs a sub-thread about people who were adopted. Someone should start one, and it may help those who may be harboring feelings and help people work through some stuff.
I know, even as adults, we still carry the baggage of our youth.

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[LWJ]

Some responses:

1. I'm not concerned with anyone searching. People who care and would get upset just won't search for these things.

2. This is the important one, Paul. I am the father of one formally adopted child and one who is informally adopted after her father passed. My wife and I struggled to conceive and decided that we would make a family this way. I can promise you that we put far more effort, love, and care into our children than traditional parents (on average) due to the struggles we encountered early on. We also have an Open Adoption, meaning, we have a relationship with the birthparents as does our child. My eldest is 24. We just saw the Birthmom last month as well as her lovely family. I can say with 100% certainty that having an adopted child is the most humanizing action I have ever engaged in. To have a person GIVE me the single most precious thing they possess is a staggering honor. My wife and I also conceived two children the old fashioned way at a later time. I adore them as well. But, the responsibility of raising a gift baby didn't exist with them. We did pretty darn well with them but I didn't feel the need to be flawless in their parenting. Summary: Adopted children are sacred. You need to burn that message into your every fiber.

[pwd72s]

Thanks guys...trust me, I'm more than okay with how my life turned out. My daughter is adopted as well...Cindy's from an early marriage. Her birth father suggested I adopt her, he wanting out of $50 per month child support payments. We couldn't call an attorney fast enough. I guess a "what goes around comes around" thing.

Our daughter is now a 55 years old RN, happily wearing out her 2nd hubby...I figure if you can raise a child to be able to take care of his or her self, make a good living, and stay out of jail, you can say you did your job. But then, being a dad never ends....it's just that roles change. Our daughter was a tremendous help last year when Cindy was in the hospital & rehab. The way she led us through the medical BS and red tape of it all was invaluable.

So, you see, I do "belong" after all.

[KFC911]

I think my last name was originally "Smith" ... or "Jones"...

The names have been changed to protect the innocent a few centuries back

[berettafan]

I was a secret.


Late 90s a neighbor told us a coworkers brother in law had died. That coworker had my last name (very unusual name). Turns out the deceased was my father who I hadn’t seen or heard from since around kindergarten or 1st grade.

Long story short several years later my wife and I are invited to his son’s wedding by his widow. She insists it would be appreciated by their son (my half brother I’ve only ever seen at the funeral). So we go and at the reception an older fellow at the table asks my name and who we are there for. I answer (same name as my father) and he sorta acts like he didn’t understand what I said. He then goes in to tell us how he lived next door to the grooms family for a few decades and was best friends the the grooms dad (my father). Then he asks again my name and I tell him very clearly. He says my god I never knew he had another son.

[David]

^ wow!, that's a crazy story.

I have at least one and maybe two aunts on my mom's side that are never discussed. Obviously illegitimate daughters of my grandfather. My uncle mentioned something a few months ago and then after he left my mom reminded me that they are not to be spoken of Seems weird since we're a pretty open and forgiving family.

[jhynesrockmtn]

Originally Posted by pwd72s

Being an adoptee is, for me, a weird mental state. All the members of the families I was adopted into as an infant were kind and accepting...no complaints there. But I stood out looks wise. Blond, blue eyes in two families of brown hair & eyes. Never had a feeling of totally belonging, with a nagging thought of knowing I was somebody's throwaway.

I've had talks with other adoptees who have felt the same way. Don't read this wrong..I'll always care about my adopted family, and I loved my "real" parents, those who raised me...perhaps even more than a birth child could. After all, they showed the real love of taking on a responsibility that others didn't want to. But..those feelings are there.

(edit) Anyway, I know of no secrets in my adopted family...but it doesn't take much to imagine that my genetic family has some.

Creaturecat..if you have those same feelings, be assured you're not alone.

Rest assured you were not "thrown away". I totally get the feeling of not quite fitting in as an adoptee. Genetics is a strong thing.

I attended a year and a half of support group meetings during the search for my birth family. This was pre internet and genetic testing sites. Those of us who were adopted "in the old days" where closed adoptions were the norm were not tossed aside or forgotten. I heard hundreds of stories from Birth Mothers who gave up children during those meetings. In every case it was forced by their families and society at the time. They felt they had no choice. You were remembered all of the time. You were loved and missed. You were not tossed aside and forgotten. None of us were.

One of my granddaughters is adopted. Her extended birth family is involved in her life. She has siblings and grandparents, aunts and uncles who love her and are so grateful my daughter and son in law chose her as their child. She is my joy!

[masraum]

Originally Posted by David

^ wow!, that's a crazy story.

I have at least one and maybe two aunts on my mom's side that are never discussed. Obviously illegitimate daughters of my grandfather. My uncle mentioned something a few months ago and then after he left my mom reminded me that they are not to be spoken of Seems weird since we're a pretty open and forgiving family.

Yeah, seems weird. I usually don't understand family stuff where folks/events/etc... aren't mentioned/discussed or people are disowned.

[Seahawk]

This is easily the most interesting thread in a long time...

[Eric 951]

A great uncle was hung as a horse thief in the Michigan area, and I'm related to (the late) Billy Barty.

[berettafan]

Originally Posted by David

^ wow!, that's a crazy story.

Oh there's more- yet another secret daughter from before my mother, an uncle and aunt that lived within 10 minutes of me for YEARS and never bothered to reach out - EVEN when my father died and a parent coaching award created in my father's (and kinda ironically mine as well- ha!) name to honor future parent coaches.

[herr_oberst]

I'm not aware of any interesting family history in my current life, but later, when we do a 'previous lives family history thread', I'll tell a good story about my dad and uncle and the pyramids in Giza.
Until then, keep 'em coming! I love hearing about the family connections.

[HobieMarty]

I don't really know of any wild family secrets as of yet, but... when I met my wife, she had a little girl who was 2 years old at the time. After we married, the child's biological father said he couldn't pay child support anymore, and he didn't want to go to jail and wanted to sign over his parental rights. He did, and I adopted her. She was 6 years old at the time, and now she is 32. Man, that was a long time ago. I never thought of her as adopted. She's mine, and I love my daughter with all my heart. That SOB dead ass sperm donor went on to get married and have another daughter. We tried to let him have a relationship with our daughter when she was a teenager, and she even lived at his house with his new family for a brief time until one day we got a call from him to come get her. It was for the best, and I haven't seen the dude since, which is also for the best, for him anyway.

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[pwd72s]

"Sperm donor"...that's how our daughter refers to her birth father...

[Tishabet]

Using a fake name assembled of the names of the Beatles to protect the innocent here while also telling the tale.

My dad was the oldest of 4 kids who were all very close in age. When he was in high school he was accepted to West Point and had to get a copy of his birth certificate as part of joining. What he expected to see there was his own name, Paul George, and that he was the son of the late Colonel George who had died in combat when my dad was 10. Lo and behold the name of his father on the birth certificate was not Colonel George, but a completely different guy named John Paul Ringo. And to top it off, my dad's name on the birth certificate was not Paul George but John Paul Ringo Jr.

My dad confronted his mom about this and she claimed it was some sort of administrative mixup, that he was Paul George and that his dad was the deceased Colonel George. To make a long story short, there was no administrative mixup with the birth certificate: John Paul Ringo (Sr!) had been married to my grandmother and was indeed my dad's bio father and also the bio father of two of his siblings but not the youngest one who was the sole bio child of Colonel George. My grandma had in fact married John Paul Ringo Sr, had three kids with him including my dad, then divorced and married Colonel George and had a kid with him and from there on just pretended that Colonel George was the only husband and father for all time and all four kids were his.

Once this became clear my dad reached out to his bio dad, who lived in the same town, and was surprised to find that he recognized him as the guy who had come to his school to give him milk money, had visited him when he had been hospitalized, etc. My dad decided to adopt his legal name and so had to explain to everyone he knew (including my mom who he was dating at the time) that he was no longer Paul George but John Paul Ringo Jr. and that he would still go by "Paul" even though it was his middle name and not his first name. The rest of my dad's siblings adopted the "George" last name (the only last name they had ever known) so my dad's last name hasn't matched theirs ever since. My dad and one sibling reconciled with John Paul Ringo Sr and had a good relationship with him (far better than with their mom) from then on, the remaining bio kid of John Paul Ringo Sr refused to acknowledge his existnce but 50 years later met him for the first time at my wedding and grew close to him in the following years until he finally died at 100.

[oldE]

A buddy of mine was telling me he got a call from a woman who told him a dna test indicated he was a close relative and did he recognize the name of her mother? He had never encountered a woman of that name and called his brother and asked about a possible relationship. The phone was hung up.
A few hours later, his brother called him back and explained he had met a girl by that name at church camp 50 years before, but it was a summer relationship.
Eventually connections were established and it turned out some of my friend's grand nephews and neices knew kids in their school who turned out to be cousins.

Bes5
Les

[911boost]

Dang this thread is interesting.

Lot's of side pieces for men and women out there over the years!

I am scared to death of doing that DNA thing, for multiple reasons and have no reason to fear having an unknown child out there. However the stories of other family members having one is crazy.

Most of my family secrets are about people not talking to siblings because they didn't get the farm, were jealous. Nothing juicy like some of you folks!

[ben parrish]

Oh there are a few. Have one side of my family that was “interesting”…never understood why my grandfather didn’t talk about a lot of his siblings or their families. Turns out that a two of his brothers died of lead poisoning…injected from the end of a barrel. One from a shootout with the sheriff; another one from a third brother for having an affair with his wife.

Now my grandad was a wonderful, loving man, a minister and very, very intelligent. At his 80th birthday, some cousins I had never me before were in attendance…let’s just say I then understood why he had kept us far removed from that side of our family tree. As we say in the south, “They were rougher than a cob”.