Throwing kids out, how's it work? - Page 3

afterburn 549 · 02-05-2009, 10:42 AM

Hmmm Well my niece's husband did not make it though !! They put him out because it was to much "trauma " for him Made him feeeel uncomfortable .
See what I mean by uncomfortable ?
Crap I went thrught in 1970, there was no such thing as getting out.. well AWOL would work
So I do not think snoops has it right

T77911S · 02-05-2009, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carnutzzz

Sounds like someone with potential personality disorders.

Make sure that if he has such a disorder, he does not touch cocaine. That drug will trigger a month worth of panic attacks and bad decision making.

By 25, there is something going on here.

I would give him 2 options:

1. Join the military and use the house as "home base" when on leave.
2. Get out and good luck.

Anything else seems like enabling. I could see if he was 19 and having trouble, but 25? Way past time to man-up and start feeling the effects of bad decisions.

the bad thing with this is if he has a drug problem and does not kick it, it will come out in the military, then he is stuck with a dishonorable discharge.
get him in a recovery program, i was part of celebrate recovery. it is a christian based program. as long as he is in a program, he can stay in the house, if he quits the program, he is OUT! the CR program is something you and your wife can attend also. (then you know he is going) most people only make it about 3 months, that is the point where they have to do some kind of self recognition thing of some sort. (you basically confess all you have done wrong).
i played guitar and/or ran sound at our CR program for several years, i have heard a lot of testimonies and i have seen it work. like i said above, the good thing is, there are groups you and your wife can attend and be a part of his recovery.
otherwise, dont let the door hit ya on your way out, your just making it easier for him to do nothing but drugs

masraum · 02-05-2009, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bivenator

Steve, there is a psychiatrist that I have worked for that is in the Friendswood area. I think that she is an excellent doc in the field of substance abuse/psych problems. If tossing him out is not an acceptable option and he is being noncompliant/little progress with his current doc then you may consider her.
She has a great rapport with her pt's and is able to strip away alot of the BS associated with the psych field. I have sent family members and they have improved. An added bonus is she is a P-car owner. You probably have seen the orange boxster limited in the area with a blonde at the wheel. Easy on the eyes.
Hope things get better, it is a tough time.
Scott

He sees his current shrink, talks to him a bit and gets meds. The shrink does seem to actually put some thought into things, but I'd be open to getting another opinion. Can you forward me the contact info?

Thanks,

masraum · 02-05-2009, 11:01 AM

Thanks for all of the support and advice folks. I'm reading it all and giving it all plenty of thought and discussing stuff with the wife.

He is back on the meds, that's why we were surprised when we found the latest batch of stuff.

bivenator · 02-05-2009, 11:31 AM

you've got mail

masraum · 02-05-2009, 11:50 AM

Wow, this is a bit unexpected. He came home from work today, and my wife was home. She said that he was verbally abusive. (I assume she tried to talk to him, and they got in an argument. They are alike in many ways and push each other's buttons. He's got a volatile temper) I suspect they got in an argument and he was an ass. She asked him to leave the house, but he wouldn't. She said leave or I'm calling the cops. She then called me. While we were talking, he started packing to leave. He's gone now. I think I'll be changing the locks tonight. He's got 2 of the 4 keys to the house, so I'll be changing 2 of them.

rammstein · 02-05-2009, 12:22 PM

He has made it easier on you. Now he is out. Besides paying for counseling/therapy, I don't think you should be supplying anything any longer. He's at a crossroads now, and it is his call, not yours. I hope he gets it right.

masraum · 02-05-2009, 12:23 PM

Apparently, she got his keys before he left, so that'll save me some work. I suspect that he'll be regretting his decision pretty soon, but it's made our jobs much easier.

masraum · 02-05-2009, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rammstein

He has made it easier on you. Now he is out. Besides paying for counseling/therapy, I don't think you should be supplying anything any longer. He's at a crossroads now, and it is his call, not yours. I hope he gets it right.

I agree 100%. I hope this works out eventually. I'm sure things will get worse before they get better, but it's up to him now.

scottmandue · 02-05-2009, 12:31 PM

Set him up with a nice cougar... everyone gets what they want.

Win-win!

Dueller · 02-05-2009, 12:32 PM

You're at a crossroads now. Atleast he made the decision to leave and not you guys kicking him out. A good point for him to begin learning his own lessons in life and the consequences of HIS decision to leave. The hard part for your wife is to not rescue him when/if he wants to move back in. I suggest she/you get in contact with AlAnon or similar group to cope with the probable future patterns of behavior to break the cycle now.

Good luck to you, your wife and the stepson.

onewhippedpuppy · 02-05-2009, 12:34 PM

Don't let him back in, no matter how hard it may be. There's absolutely no reason a 25 year old should be living at home. For better or worse, its well past time for him to sink or swim.

afterburn 549 · 02-05-2009, 12:40 PM

Get ready for the phone call (s), have all the scenarios worked out so you do not have to come to a emotional ans. and rescue - (They will come)
There will be the begging, I will change, I will do this and that, BLAH BLAH BLAh
He should have done ALL that a long time ago.
Time for it to be his turn, he can change where ever he chooses to, be what ever he want s to be.
Go to school, or get a job.........
Maybe he can get a pattern started of work and responsibilities...maybe after that you will help him with school

masraum · 02-05-2009, 01:27 PM

Thanks all. I don't think we'll have a problem keeping him out, but it's definitely something we should talk/plan about ahead of time.

glewis80SC · glewis80SC's Garage

Good luck Steve, like the others have said do not let him back in, change the locks anyway!!

Arizona_928 · 02-05-2009, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by masraum

Tough love is much easier to say than to do.

True. My sister is still living with my mom, she's 26 and has two kids.

masraum · 02-05-2009, 06:09 PM

Now for the next chapter. He sent me a text a little bit ago asking me to bring his meds, tax forms, and check book to the city jail so he can bail himself out. I'm not sure what he did. I wonder if he tried to shoplift some liquor or what. I'm going to call and find out now.

The saga continues....

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by masraum

Now for the next chapter. He sent me a text a little bit ago asking me to bring his meds, tax forms, and check book to the city jail so he can bail himself out. I'm not sure what he did. I wonder if he tried to shoplift some liquor or what. I'm going to call and find out now.

The saga continues....

Sorry to hear this. I know it will be tough, but do just exactly that and NO MORE. Drop the stuff off and leave. And change the locks. While he might not have had the foresight to make copies of the keys you'll never know. The minute he became abusive he crossed the line imho and you need to take care of yourself and your wife first and foremost.

Have you had a proper consult with his shrink?

Also, if he wants to meet to talk do it in a public place and not at your house. Again, he went over the line and it no longer is his home. I think that line needs to be drawn strongly, and if there is to be any movement you need to establish the ground rules along the lines of meds/therapy, completely clean/sober, regular job, etc along with a timeline for him to get his own place. I think most everyone deserves a "final" chance but it needs to be made clear that it in fact is the last one.

masraum · 02-05-2009, 08:41 PM

He may have a warrant for an unpaid fishing ticket in Kansas (his real dad was supposed to have paid it, but apparently never did). He thought that he'd have some place to stay and get the warrant taken care of if he went to the police and that way he'd have a place to stay tonight. They couldn't find the warrant and so wouldn't arrest him. He hung around talking to them and trying to get arrested for a while. I guess eventually he asked a cop "If I kick this guys butt, will you arrest me?" Talking about a random stranger that was standing there. I guess that was enough for them to arrest him for disorderly conduct.

I stayed to talk to him to try to determine what sort of shape he was in. I gave him $50 to catch a cab to the closest motel for the night, and waited around to make sure he got in the cab. He'd actually mentioned the motel, before I did. He seemed to be in a clear headed place. Hopefully he makes this work.

No, we haven't spoken to his Shrink. I'd asked my wife about that, but we hadn't done it.

He's not coming home. I think this is for the best and just pray that it works out for the better and not otherwise.

afterburn 549 · 02-05-2009, 08:46 PM

Families have enough problems with out adding violence to the mixture.
He sounds like a threat to me - under meds , no meds, what ever