colonoscopy prep - what a fun night

[911mnypt]

I had mine done a few weeks back and had two polyps removed...at 45 I am glad I pushed for the exam. I remember waking and asking the doc questions about what I was seeing on the screen. I will admit though...the best part was being able to expell all that gas in the recovery room. My wife damn near busted a gut with laughter and requested that I be strapped down to the table before I blew away.

[Rtrorkt]

enjoy the "conscious sedation". Took me back to 1969

[Neilk]

Interesting article in the NYTimes about how colonoscopies are priced so much higher than the rest of the world.

It seems like some gastroenterologists have figured out how to game the system for higher profits, and people wonder why insurances rates keep going up...

[FLYGEEZER]

Just drove a friend to the VA last week for his. One of the staff nurses said they do 20 a day 5 days a week. That's a lotta a-holes. Mine is scheduled for next month. Haven't had any problems but my doctor sez "get the scope job"

[dave 911]

Going in for my first one ever on Friday (turned 50 in November...). Thanks for the motivation, this thread is great

[syncroid]

Well it looks like its my turn in the barrel. I'm going in for my first colonoscopy this morning. I did the liquid draino last night starting at 3pm. Just like everyone says...20 to 25 minutes later....gurgle....blurp....DOH!!! Everyone out of my way!
I'm glad that part is over. I have eaten nothing since yesterday morning and I'm hungry. I'll check back when its over.

[Targa Me]

I had mine back in December of 2012. Like everyone says, the worst part was the prep. I was very nervous going in, medical procedures scare the hell outta me. The day of the procedure was a breeze, before I knew it the whole thing was over and done with. The doctor told me everything looked good and said, "See you again in five years."
When it was all over my wife took me out for a nice breakfast.

[wdfifteen]

I thought colonoscopies were a pain in the butt until I had my first prostate biopsy. Holy crap!!

[sammyg2]

What's the difference between a gastroenterologist and a PPOT moderator?








A gastroenterologist only has to deal with one A-hole at a time ................













(hope the poopyheads doan get all mad at me fer cussin ... )

[Hawkeye's-911T]

^^^^ That made me chuckle - Thanks Sammy - in light of the fact I get one (a colonscopy that is) in late Sept.
Cheers
JB

[DARISC]

Snippet from Dave Barry's hillarious classic:

1. You've been busy.

2. You don't have a history of cancer in your family.

3. You haven't noticed any problems.

4. You don't want a doctor to stick a tube 17,000 feet up your butt.

Let's examine these reasons one at a time. No, wait, let's not. Because you and I both know that the only real reason is No. 4. This is natural. The idea of having another human, even a medical human, becoming deeply involved in what is technically known as your ''behindular zone'' gives you the creeping willies.

I know this because I am like you, except worse. I yield to nobody in the field of being a pathetic weenie medical coward. I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone. It's much worse when I come into physical contact with the medical profession. More than one doctor's office has a dent in the floor caused by my forehead striking it seconds after I got a shot.

In 1997, when I turned 50, everybody told me I should get a colonoscopy. I agreed that I definitely should, but not right away. By following this policy, I reached age 55 without having had a colonoscopy. Then I did something so pathetic and embarrassing that I am frankly ashamed to tell you about it.

What happened was, a giant 40-foot replica of a human colon came to Miami Beach. Really. It's an educational exhibit called the Colossal Colon, and it was on a nationwide tour to promote awareness of colo-rectal cancer. The idea is, you crawl through the Colossal Colon, and you encounter various educational items in there, such as polyps, cancer and hemorrhoids the size of regulation volleyballs, and you go, ''Whoa, I better find out if I contain any of these things,'' and you get a colonoscopy.

If you are as a professional humor writer, and there is a giant colon within a 200-mile radius, you are legally obligated to go see it. So I went to Miami Beach and crawled through the Colossal Colon. I wrote a column about it, making tasteless colon jokes. But I also urged everyone to get a colonoscopy. I even, when I emerged from the Colossal Colon, signed a pledge stating that I would get one.

But I didn't get one. I was a fraud, a hypocrite, a liar. I was practically a member of Congress.

Five more years passed. I turned 60, and I still hadn't gotten a colonoscopy. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I got an e-mail from my brother Sam, who is 10 years younger than I am, but more mature. The email was addressed to me and my middle brother, Phil. It said:

``Dear Brothers,

``I went in for a routine colonoscopy and got the dreaded diagnosis: cancer. We're told it's early and that there is a good prognosis that they can get it all out, so, fingers crossed, knock on wood, and all that. And of course they told me to tell my siblings to get screened. I imagine you both have.''

Um. Well.

First I called Sam. He was hopeful, but scared. We talked for a while, and when we hung up, I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, ``HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BUTT!''

For the rest of it, go to :*Dave Barry: A journey into my colon -- and yours - Dave Barry - MiamiHerald.com

[syncroid]

I survived! I had some abdominal cramping while in the recovery room but that was quickly taken care of as soon as the nurses were out of ear shot. I was also a bit nauseated but a nap when I got home made it all good. We had a light lunch and just got home.
The good news is that they found nothing wrong and I won't need to return for another 5 to 10 years. All of the doctors and nurses were great. Very professional.
The bottom line, (pun intended) If you are close to the 50 year old mark. Get it done! I'm 52 by the way.

[2porscheguy]

Glad to hear that you're all healthy down there syncroid! I had mine done in Feb and I'm good to go for 5-10 years also!

It was very difficult watching my father-in-law pass away from colon cancer at age 65, some 15 years ago. My wife and her siblings get checked every two years....and so far so good!

[intakexhaust]

Originally Posted by Neilk

Interesting article in the NYTimes about how colonoscopies are priced so much higher than the rest of the world.

It seems like some gastroenterologists have figured out how to game the system for higher profits, and people wonder why insurances rates keep going up...

AND there IS a risk of even bothering in having one. They push on telling everyone to routinely have it done but it depends on ones family history of cancer. Also, there are many screwed up or have died just from having the procedure.


Death By Colonoscopy: Side Effects of Screening

[Discseven]

Try to stay awake when getting sleep injected!

[lane912]

[GH85Carrera]

The best part for me was the doc and the nurse ENCOURAGED me to fart at will. He did not put a time limit on that order. My wife thinks a year is carrying doctors orders too far. She hates it when I crop dust at the mall or the grocery store. Hey just following doctors orders!

I figure I will keep it up until the next colonoscopy.

[widgeon13]

Originally Posted by GH85Carrera

The best part for me was the doc and the nurse ENCOURAGED me to fart at will. He did not put a time limit on that order. My wife thinks a year is carrying doctors orders too far. She hates it when I crop dust at the mall or the grocery store. Hey just following doctors orders!

I figure I will keep it up until the next colonoscopy.

I don't need to be told it's ok but the wife objets at times when I do it in public.

[recycled sixtie]

Originally Posted by widgeon13

I don't need to be told it's ok but the wife objets at times when I do it in public.

And don't kid yourself. Women f*rt too. Hate those double standards when they accuse of me misting and they deny they do it. Down with double standards...

[widgeon13]

I hate it when the women fart in yoga and I get blamed for it, happens all the time.