One for Chewie

[KMoore]

http://cgi.ebay.com.au/Honda-CT110-Postie-Bike-factory-race-replica-fmx-rad_W0QQitemZ400036198823

Up for auction is a racing edition Honda CT110 1986 model postie bike (race stand not included). This bike has been developed specifically for carpark and campsite racing by a team of engineers from all over the world. If you buy this bike, you will be awesome like the guys in the last picture. The bike also comes with another couple of kilos of awesome, you can keep this in your backpack for when you need more awesome to beat the other postie bikes.
The bike has a factory rubberless left-side footpeg, designed to help you get further to the front of the bike, to help with cornering.
It has a fore-and-aft gear lever, designed to prevent scuffing of your Doc Martens, or toenail breakage when wearing safety thongs.
The rust-hole in the rear guard underneath the seat has been intentionally rusted-out for lighter weight, helps you get the much-needed boost the clear the triples in Chad Reed's SuperX series.
The front fender has a crack in it from a sonic boom, esteemed USA-born aeroplane pilot Chuck Yeager actually broke the sound barrier at Bonneville on this exact bike.
The bike has a heavy-duty crash bar mounted just in front of the rider's legs, to prevent knee injuries to the rider when riding through your neighbour's veggie garden. Many a knee has been saved from a zucchini-based ACL injury thanks to these crash bars.
The rear fender has been replaced with an aftermarket dirt bike rear fender, as the bike has so much power that the dirt it threw caused the stock rear fender to be blasted into the stratosphere.
The bike has a gearbox filler plug from a new YZ125 in it. This may or may not mean the bike will perform like a new YZ125.
The bike has no crossbar on the handlebars, making tricks such as cordovas and strippers much easier.
The ejector seat has been disconnected, as I accidentally hit the button on the back straight at Frankston motorcross track, and ended up at McDonalds in Bendigo.
The bike has a top speed of maybe 70kph. 70kph is 19.44 metres per second, so if you are sitting on absolutely flat-out awesome fast, you would do a lap of Phillip Island racetrack in 3 minutes 48 seconds, which is way cooler than Rossi doing it in 1 minute 29. This would mean you'd get three times as much television exposure per lap than Rossi would. Rossi's got nothing.
It has a sidestand on the right-hand side, and a centre stand. The centre stand is very handy for putting the bike on display at the motor show.
This bike is no longer allowed to deliver letters, as it used to deliver letters so fast that the mail would get to the recipient before it had actually been posted by the sender, causing all sorts of strife at Christmas time. Seriously, who wants Christmas cards in November?
The headlight doesn't work any more, which is a good thing because it was so bright that I rode a corner once and set fire to a cat with it.
The engine works good, the brakes not so much.
The rack on the back has been rated to accomodate at least 3 slabs of full-strength beer, or 4 slabs of light beer. You could possibly stack maybe 12 casks of Kaiser Stuhl on it, if you are keen. I heard that Matt Edwards, Australian Tetris champion has actually stacked a grand total of 142 boxes of Kleenex tissues onto this rack, and still had room for a pack of Winnie Blues and a bottle of 100 Pipers scotch.
It has a picture of a handgrip on the sidecover, and I don't know why.
The throttle sticks a little bit, it's like cruise control.
Usually tyres are filled with air, some race teams use nitrogen, whereas these tyres are filled with a 70/30 mix of awesome and luck.
The chain is awesome.
I will send the bike to anywhere in Australia if you are willing to organise a freight company. Preferably, the bike can be picked up from either Cranbourne or Hallam, or depending on sale price I may deliver within Melbourne for an extra $20.
Please check my other listings, I have many parts for sale and you could combine your orders and save on freight.
I accept PayPal, direct deposit, or cash on pickup/delivery. If you bid, I'd like you to pay within 48 hours. I've been stuck with items for weeks and weeks that people haven't paid me for!
Feel free to ask any questions, thankyou and happy bidding!

[KMoore]

Questions and answers posted in case the add gets removed.

Questions from other members : Honda CT110 Postie Bike factory race replica fmx rad

Question & Answer Answered On
Q: Can you tell me if it has been dropped? 12-Mar-09
A: No girl would be willing to drop this sexy beast, no matter how much it stays out partying late and coming home smelling like another girl's perfume.
Q: Has it got bulk herbs? 12-Mar-09
A: Mega herbs bro.
Q: hello does it come with chuck yeagers autograph? i rather suspect that that would substantially increase the value of this "rare collectable" yes i know what the picture of the throttle on the side cover means but i am not going to tell you because im not well today 12-Mar-09
A: I think I better consult the head Quik-E-Mart store that Homer and Apu visited...I think they'll help me with the information regarding the throttle picture. Thankyou, please come again.
Q: Hi. Can you please tell me what the awesomeness economy is like. I had a postie in the past but because I could not keep up the required awesomeness to keep it running so had to sell it to Robbie Maddo' 12-Mar-09
A: It gets about 32 miles per awesome, more if you hold your tongue on the right angle.
Q: Hi mate, This beast is off its face! Can you gaurantee that if I blip the throttle that she wont flip me off and ghostie itself into the nex suburb? If so I will need to up grade from Safety thongs too at least some Sandles. 12-Mar-09
A: Sandals would be a good safety option, but if you wear Crocs the bike will deliberately ride under a throat-height monkey bar in the nearest playground.
Q: I think i saw this bike once. It was so deadly I went blind. Is this the same bike as i cannot see it now because of the blindness it caused me. If i buy this bike can i ride it in reverse really fast to go back in time to restore my sight? Help me see again. 12-Mar-09
A: Sorry man, the bike only performs faith-healing for $4.95 a minute, rates may be higher from public and mobile telephones.
Q: Hey Dao, Could you please let me know the cubic measurements of the awesomeness as im trying find out the shipping costs also you claim that it could deliver mail a month too early does this make it possible to use this postie a time machine, does it run on normal unleaded or depleted uranium?? Thanks 12-Mar-09
A: It runs on a mixture of discarded toilet paper and faith.
Q: It appears your claims to awesomeness are well founded. Please, may I ask if you happened to "test-spin" the rear wheel at about 2.15pm today, as I felt that time stood still around then for about 20 seconds? PS with regards to advice about Occy straps from retinas to handlebars, they do have a tendency to let go rather violently when released, and that might be a little bit rough on your handlebars, FWIW... 12-Mar-09
A: At the time I 'test-spun' the rear wheel, twelve moose on exactly the opposite side of the world from me spontaneously exploded. The mess was horrendous.
Q: You say you landed in McDonalds in Bendigo after you operated the ejector seat, so do fries come with it? 12-Mar-09
A: Nah man, my wallet was in the pink basket on the handlebars, not in my pocket. I've taken the pink basket off the bike now, I need it for a 'project'.
Q: Would you be willing to trade this bike for two weeks worth of sex with my horse? I will bring you the horse myself. 12-Mar-09
A: Is the horse's name Kinky Kelly? I'll gladly be the sexy stud.
Q: Does the bike have enough room to fit a bell on it? I need a bike with a bell. Ding Ding.. 11-Mar-09
A: There is enough room on these handlebars to fit at least 15 bells. If you really feel like it, you could tow the bell from the Vatican City behind the bike on a trailer.
Q: Oh sure, you're machine is obviously and indeed, quite awesome. However, I see a great many bikes advertised here also claiming stratospheric degrees of awesomeness. Some more optimistic and sadly, less honest than others. Do you have any certificate, chart, written testimony or a more, I don't know... tangible measure as to the precise awesomeness of this machine? I mean, I don't want to be handing over tens of thousands of dollars, only to find that the degree of awesomeness is actually less than expected now, do I? 11-Mar-09
A: This bike actually wrote the screenplay for the movie Donnie Darko. Need any more convincing?
Q: hey thanks, you've made my day. do you reckon you could package this into a shiping container and drop it of at atlantis for me? 11-Mar-09
A: Yeah man I could easily drop it off there, my mate Plato has an apartment there that you could pick it up from.
Q: Hey mate just wondering if you have a super awesome helmet to go with the bike, we a re just worried about whiplash! Eyeballs turning back in there sockets and the g force look! How many slabs per kilometre does the bike run on and can i recycle the fuel and drink it if im thirsty.. also do i get a years free subscription of awesomeness! Debbie 11-Mar-09
A: If you buy this, I'll transfer the remainder of my 24-month awesomeness susbcription across to you. You can also simply hook some octopus straps between your retinas and the handlebars, to prevent eye-roll.
Q: Nice description. Did you enter the hardcore postie challenge, the regualar one or none at all on it? Does it do wheel spins big enough for chicks to get boners? Thanks, Richard. 10-Mar-09
A: Yo! No I didn't enter the hardcore postie challenge, my bike is too awesome for that. When the wheels spin, it actually rotates the earth in the opposite direction under you.

[Yellow12]

Classic

[chewie]

I've cried 3 times in the last 12 months

The first one was from something funny someone said but I can't remember

The 2nd was when my son was born

The 3rd - just now!

That is some funny ***** right there, I'm laughing as I type now...

Fu*king hilarious!!!

...and naturally...awesome!

...where are these hard core games held? I've been thinking of organising the 'Extreme Postie Games' I better check out the competition!

Thanks Kev - I'm laughing again as I type this bit....sensational!!!!




Oh humour - where would we be without it?

[KMoore]

From here http://www.postiebike.com.au/

Every ride is a race
June 18th, 2008 by daniel — postie bike

It’s 12:30am, you’ve just finished work, and you’ll be riding home on a postie bike… Could life get any better? Yes! How about having a mate, whom we shall call Camo, race you the whole way home on his postie. Yep, that’s about all it takes to get the biggest damn smile this side of Disneyland.

Leaving work, you know that it’s not going to be a boring ride. Both bikes taking off at the same time is always going to lead to a little bit of stupidity influencing the throttle inputs. It’s got to be one of Murphy’s Laws. This ride was definetly no exception.

From the get go, unless an intersection or a stop sign is present, the power is at 100%. Nothing is going to get in the way of 7.5HP leaving the engine and boosting you down the road at amazing speeds. We are talking blistering quick speeds of up to 82km/h. If you get a decent tailwind, you can push that out to 85! Trust me, it’s quick.

After all the boring part’s of the journey, short roads, roundabouts, lights, and other road hazards that hinder any decent motoring, we reach a nice stretch of road, let’s call it Main North. A road that not even god himself could complain about. Straight, non-undulating, traffic free, beautiful road. Perfect for a decent postie comparison. Oh, it’s on!

Flat knacker down the road, the bikes are fairly similar in performance. I have a slight advantage, as I am not a solid bloke. Don’t get me wrong, I have my fair share of muffin, but muscle weights more, and that I don’t have. I’m not saying Camo is a body builder, but i’m fairly sure he play’s some kind of girly sport, Rugby I think it is, so we will blame that for his increased loading.

As we hook along, it’s obvious that when critical power is reached, Camo’s bike out perform’s mine. When he first got his postie, he had to get the head bore’d out and got a larger piston so I would guess that is why he can pull away. It’s not a massive speed increase, probably only 1km/h, but it’s noticeable. That is until I realised that even a tiny bike like a postie can provide some decent…. drafting!

v. drafting
To move, ride, or drive close behind a fast-moving object so as to take advantage of the slipstream, especially in a race.

That’s right. If I get in behind him, instantly you can notice an increase in speed of at least 3km/h. You get the biggest smile as you come hurtling up behind, then in one quick swoop, pull out to tear up the side. Then, just as quick as it came, the effect’s of the drafting have vanished, and Camo once again gain’s distance from me. It’s like a game of cat and mouse, but you can change the roles. Even being the draftee, it’s still funny as hell to watch.

That’s pretty much where the madness stopped. We went our seperate way’s at the next intersection, and it was all over. Good times. Well, I have a laugh anyways.

[KMoore]

Postie Bike Challenge - 3 or 4 thousand kilometres through some of Australia's most spectacular country. http://www.postiebikechallenge.org/

Get your entry in Chewie. I'd like to do it one year.

[chewie]

oh OK yah, I will be in that for sure...that's the crazy desert crossing stuff right?

Well Kev, the year you decide to do it, I will do it too - howz that?

'Flat Knacker'... I love it.

though any Ozzie saying 'anyways' hmmn - not really our thing. But we all assimilate do we all not? so that's OK I spose.

My Postie bike games idea was more about delivering mail in the toughest of conditions, slippery slopes, pea gravel, hills, bushes, water, sand, leaves, dogs, that sort of thing - timed and judged also on effective delivery ... and video'd for entertainment of the masses.

I lost my rear tyre today coming down a gravel track into a bitumen left hander - interesting stuff, I had a sore neck that I was just getting over - the scare brought back the bad neck. At least I was on the last stretch of delivery

Excitement plus!

[AZ-Twin]

Funny stuff. Thanks!