Stress leave from work. How do I arrange that?

[Deschodt]

Read "the subtle art of not giving a F" - there are a few lessons in there you may benefit from

I hear you though. I have a pretty stressful job as well, IT for several hospitals, lots of on-call catastrophes, troublesome large scale deployments / rollbacks, problematic upgrades... Over time, I'm finding the issue is not so much "the job" as my personal response to stress. I care too much, I jump on things full tilt... I'm working on it - doesn't mean I want to do a lesser job, but I gotta reduce the intensity of my initial response to a crisis... While the book above is largely in jest, there's something to it, nobody is expecting you to solve everything in 5 minutes everytime... Some of the folks I work with (who are sometimes not very good at their job) respond better to stressful situations than I do by not engaging at 120% whenever something happens... I've also sat in useless meetings for years and that used to boil my blood, now I try to approach as "if that's what they want to pay me for..." or "what's the worst they could do to me?"

Try changing your outlook on things, see a doctor, get checked... sabbatical is a good idea...

[Don Ro]

The last thing I wanted to hear when I was in the vice grip of burn out (depression) was to gut it out.
It's a psychological hell that has your mind biting its own teeth.
And it manifests itself as time goes by.
Cold sweats...I'd awaken at 3 - 4 AM and have to change my sheets and pillow case.
My hair would be soaked.
Often I'd have to take a shower in order to dry off.
.
Had to deliver a project package to an HOA by 6 PM...headed down the freeway.
Got there and realized that I had forgotten it...it wasn't sitting on my truck seat.
So I dashed back home (another 8 miles), pulled into my driveway........................
and there it was, sitting on my dashboard. F**K!!!
.
I was going crazy.

[Captain Ahab Jr]

No job is worth your life, I made that mistake last summer while working for myself.

Was working too hard for a client trying to make up for their lack of planning/management/experience/resource etc. Got myself quite stressed in the process, thought I could tough it out as I've done countless times before.

Wouldn't go as far as to say it was the cause of me falling over dead but I'm certain the pressure I put myself under to deliver certainly helped trigger my death.

Even though I wasn't an employee the company and certain managers were very sympathetic to my situation and concerned for my welfare so I went back to work for them after a few weeks recovery (I don't do sick at home very well). After a few months it was obvious despite what happened to me the program manager hadn't changed his approach to managing resources/timescales for the project so I gave plenty of notice I was not interested in extending my contact when it finished and stopped working for the company.

I delivered on the project I was working on when I died and then again on a 2nd just as large/technically challenging project.

I'm a sucker for taking on the difficult/technically challenging projects, it's what get me up in the morning but I've made the promise to myself I'm there to help my clients not to make up for their lack of planning or resource.

My suggestion would not to get signed off as this fixes nothing and you are running away from your problem. Better approach is to make it clear to your company they have pushed you too hard and you either work out a way forward that works for both sides. Or if you don't feel you are getting the support you need please go and find another company that will appreciate what you can give them without grinding you down beyond your limits.

[tabs]

Originally Posted by Baz

I read the entire thread and I have a different take.

I think it's possible that you are just venting and the best course for you to follow would be to just "tough it out."

Of course, I am only going on what little information you provided.

I'm saying this as a person who has gone through what sounds like the same type of 'stress' you are going through.

What really bugged me the most is when I couldn't get it out of my head and when I went to bed these scenarios kept running through my head over and over to the point where it was hard to sleep.

1) Take off whatever time you can within' the normal policies set forth in your company handbook.

2) Continue to vent in ways that allow for release but not anything that involves anyone at work knowing, except maybe a trusted co-worker partner.

3) Find ways to get this off your mind, especially while away from work.

4) Take lots of deep breaths...practice deep breathing. Try to exert mind over matter. Look at the big picture....keep things in perspective. That kind of thing.

You have to realize too that what you are going through is the same thing many before you have gone through and they all survived. Many times people in your organization who are creating friction and politics move on....so there's that.

You have to go into survival mode. Do not let this crap get to you.

I hope this helps and wish you all the best, mate......stay strong!

I think your problem was your diet. Maybe if you ate better or took vitamins it would have fixed you right up.

[Jims5543]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

I find it amusing that one would think self employment would be stress free

Same here, I have never been more stressed out and long for a day when I can just do a 9-5 and walk away each evening.


I went off the deep end about 1.5 years ago. I was experiencing something I never felt before, panic attacks. Typically I thrive under extreme stress, I actually am my best when faced with impossible odds. I actually prefer it. I am hyper active (what they call today ADHD) so the more bedlam there is the calmer and more focused I tend to be.

Suddenly in March of 2017 I was having panic attacks, I had no idea what was going on at first. I would wake up after 2 hours of sleep in a panic. Then find myself pacing around alone in the dark trying to calm myself down and it now working.

After about 4 days of no sleep and the problem escalating, I was coming apart at the seams. I remembered a fellow Pelican I am friends with was going through something similar. I texted him at 6:00 one weekday night and asked him what I should do. He gave me some sound advice that helped me turn things around.

Once I was honest with myself and made some changes I found I was dealing much better with the stress.

Ask yourself a few questions, most all are lifestyle related.

1. How much alcohol are you drinking?

2. Are you exercising enough, as in getting a solid enough work out that you are pretty spent after it.

3. How is your diet? Are you eating out a lot? Are you eating crap food?

4. Are you overweight, could you stand to loose more than 20-25 lbs?

The work may seem like the problem, in my case nothing changed, I was suddenly just not dealing with my typical days well.

Back in 1999 I shared an office with a competitor. Once a week we would go out to a local bar, I would have a draft he would have a glass of white wine. He was 20 years my senior and I asked him once what advice he could give a young guy getting into this business.

He told me to make sure I take care of myself first, stay healthy exercise, eat right, do not drink too much. He should know, he was dealing with stress via a 12 pack every night he was 60 lbs over weight and depressed. At 43 he had a heart attack. In 1999 he was 53 years old, and had a pacemaker and was on all kinds of meds. In April 2000 he had an aneurysm, slipped into a coma and died at 53 years old.

I purchased his company from his widow. 18 months ago I thought I was following him, ironically I was 51 years old at time. The crazy part was, I am in decent shape BUT I was drinking a lot and could have been exercising more. I fixed that right quick.

Take care of yourself first, everything else will fall into place. You cannot get your health back and I maintain healthy body healthy mind.

While a psych may be helpful, I would make sure those other items are in order as well.

[Don Ro]

I had insomnia for 4 days straight one time...during one of my several burn outs.
I called Kaiser for an appt. "How about two weeks from now?"
I said, "Hell, I'll be dead by then!"

[1990C4S]

There could be long term consequences with respect to health insurance.

Proceed with caution. A couple of weeks of holiday may put things into perspective with virtually zero risk.

[tabs]

Originally Posted by fintstone

Sounds to me like much of the advice here will end your career (as you know it). If you are ok with that...then go for it. IMHO, you are better to find another job/career before...on your own terms.

Maybe that was true in the 1950's when there were some real men around? But today with this crowd of liberal girly men, shyte man he is likely to get promoted to President.

[tabs]

Originally Posted by Captain Ahab Jr

No job is worth your life, I made that mistake last summer while working for myself.

Was working too hard for a client trying to make up for their lack of planning/management/experience/resource etc. Got myself quite stressed in the process, thought I could tough it out as I've done countless times before.

Wouldn't go as far as to say it was the cause of me falling over dead but I'm certain the pressure I put myself under to deliver certainly helped trigger my death.

Even though I wasn't an employee the company and certain managers were very sympathetic to my situation and concerned for my welfare so I went back to work for them after a few weeks recovery (I don't do sick at home very well). After a few months it was obvious despite what happened to me the program manager hadn't changed his approach to managing resources/timescales for the project so I gave plenty of notice I was not interested in extending my contact when it finished and stopped working for the company.

I delivered on the project I was working on when I died and then again on a 2nd just as large/technically challenging project.

I'm a sucker for taking on the difficult/technically challenging projects, it's what get me up in the morning but I've made the promise to myself I'm there to help my clients not to make up for their lack of planning or resource.

My suggestion would not to get signed off as this fixes nothing and you are running away from your problem. Better approach is to make it clear to your company they have pushed you too hard and you either work out a way forward that works for both sides. Or if you don't feel you are getting the support you need please go and find another company that will appreciate what you can give them without grinding you down beyond your limits.

He mentioned office politics. What do you suppose that means?

[fintstone]

i guess one should ask which is more stressful, work or unemployment? It probably depends on the difference in income and what changes it makes to your lifestyle. Don't make you life more stressful than it is now.

It is pretty hard to expect an employer to pay you to take time off. If you have a stressful job, you are probably compensated for it being stressful. If your job is not inherently stressful but you feel this way, it seems a mental health issue. If it is inherently stressful and you are not paid for that aspect, find other work. If it is inherently stressful and you receive extra compensation because of that, perhaps a less stressful, lower paying job is the solution.

Yes, it is pretty likely that future employers will find out if you find a way to take paid time off for stress or any mental health condition. On the other hand, you mentioned that it is killing you. If that is accurate, get help, change jobs, whatever it takes.

[sammyg2]

Remember that commercial where R. Lee Ermey was working as a therapist?
That one really cracked me up.

[sc_rufctr]

Imagine having enough money to just walk away! I guess that's why the lotteries do so well.

I see lots of old people lined up to buy their tickets every week at our local Mall. There's a lesson there if you look.

The people I do envy are the ones that seem to exist on fresh air and luck. No job, just lots of free time and enough money to get by. I often wonder how they do it.

[fast_e_man]

A couple of thoughts, directed at managing your stress.

Not sure if you have a commitment to physical fitness. I work out most every morning and it really helps burn off tension and stress, and clears your head. Also, getting the endorphin buzz makes you feel good for a few hours & helps with being productive early in the day. Taking time for fitness is really paying yourself first. So, the work out thing is really a tool to help manage stress + it makes you feel better.

Do you feel like you have a career or a job? If you have a career, then the day-to-day suckiness is easier to handle, because you're focused on the bigger picture. If you feel it's just a job, then maybe you'd want to make a change to evolve towards a career you'd relish.

If your boss is a butthead, perhaps your current reporting relationship will be short lived? If it's the company culture, then maybe best to find a culture more suited to your style. I almost resigned once because the guy I worked for was an awful leader, and a dick. I asked for a new assignment, based on personal growth, not because he was a dick. So, I got out from under the stress. Glad I stayed with the company.

Personal time. Hobbies & recreation you dig allows the work week to be view more as a means to the life style you want to lead. Work to live, rather than live to work.

So, maybe just taking some time off (vacation?), allowing a chance to think might inform a set of options worth trying.

Last item -- DO NOT talk to HR about being stressed out, they are on the payroll to protect your employer from legal liability. HR is not your friend and they are not paid to help employees, in spite of what some may say. I've had some very good friends who working in HR, and I might go chat about some things, but I'd still choose my words carefully regarding workplace issues.

[pavulon]

Originally Posted by ted

HR is not your friend.

worth repeating

[Baz]

Originally Posted by pavulon

worth repeating

HR is not your friend....

[Baz]

Originally Posted by tabs

Maybe that was true in the 1950's when there were some real men around? But today with this crowd of liberal girly men, shyte man he is likely to get promoted to President.

Ran into a good buddy of mine who teaches surfing to young children as part of our city recreational program.

He and I learned to surf together more or less when we were younger.

He commented to me (paraphrasing) "Kids these days are not as tough as we were. They can only handle so much adversity and then they need to be coddled."

Thought that was interesting.

Interesting thread, and a lot of good advice (and some not so good). I certainly sympathize with you, OP, and assume you genuinely want to relieve the stress in your life, not simply wangle a nice windfall/payday of some sort. Happy to help with the former, not at all with the latter.

I would recommend seeing a doctor, but for heaven's sakes, don't try to overstate your case or fake symptoms--most docs wouldn't go along with that anyway. Stress is a clinical diagnosis based upon consideration of objective symptoms (elevated BP, skin disorders, sleep problems) and subjective symptoms (your reports about how you feel and your mood). There is no single "test" for stress, like there is for, say, Hep C. It's a judgment.

As others have said, I would not try to blame the company. You are, I assume, an at-will employee, and you chose to stay there. I'm not being harsh here, just telling you what my idea of the best approach is. If you tell the company "too much," it may lead to a paper trail that hurts your future prospects, but I doubt it. Companies are absolutely paranoid about employee privacy these days--most will only verify dates of employment. And sensitive medical issues are typically locked behind an extra layer of security. All that said, you probably don't have to tell them anything other than your doc recommends that you not work for some period of time, and let them draw their own conclusions (they'll figure it out, but you won't have verified it). If that's the time you want or need to regain sanity, take it. My experience is that successful people find that sitting home grows old really quickly and want to do something, and companies recognize that too, especially if you have been a solid performer. They won't accuse you of malingering, and, even if that's what they think, **** 'em. Agree that you should be wary of HR. They're people who were too dumb to get into law school, which makes them dumb indeed.

But it sounds to me like you need to exit the current environment permanently, or it will just happen over again. Where you can dial back the stress-o-meter but still have rewarding work. Those jobs are out there, if you're wiling to look.

Best of luck.

[RKDinOKC]

Friend worked for Apple. After 8 years employees were given a sabbatical, 5 weeks of continuous paid time off. Accrued vacation could be cashed out and used. It was to keep workers from getting burn out.

[rcooled]

Originally Posted by fast_e_man

DO NOT talk to HR about being stressed out, they are on the payroll to protect your employer from legal liability. HR is not your friend and they are not paid to help employees...

↑ This is VERY important and worth repeating one more time.

I don't have anything to add to the advice that's already been offered here, other than to say that I hope you're able to resolve these issues soon and get your life back in balance real soon.

[Seahawk]

What do you do for a living? Are politics and stress systemic to your line of work?

If not, and there are other opportunities, explore those.

After retiring from the Navy, I had a very difficult experience with a company I was part owner of. One of the other owners, there were four, was also a former Naval Officer but wholly unsuited for the private sector.

I vowed, after extricating myself from that mess, to never work in a toxic environment again, regardless of the compensation: I have, so far, been able to make it work.

As a business owner, stress is a fact of life; an unnecessarily unpleasant, toxic work environment is not.

Roadtrip!