I've got a stalker what do I do ?

[flatbutt]

I know this may be easier said than done but IMHO you must tell your wife. The two of you are a team that faces life together. This woman is a threat to that life and your partner must be made aware so that 1) she can help you 2) there is no question about you hiding anything from her, not even in an effort to protect her AMHIK.

If the husband is your bro you need to tell him too, but the wifey first.

[Craig T]

I'm with others...TELL YOUR WIFE! If she finds out from another source, she may assume you were in the game with the stalker.

This girl is obviously having some mental issues, or at the very least in a serious mid-life crisis. It's possible she could go to your wife and lie about your relationship in order to get the wife out of the way. If your wife already knows, she'll know the girl has problems.

I had this happen to me ten years ago (at 48) with a girlfriend I had in the USAF in 1983 for about two months. She kept calling me at work, saying "what a powerful relationship we had" and how "love like this only happens once in a lifetime". Crap like that. I immediately told my wife.

I started out polite, telling her I was happily married and wished her the best. It escalated over four weeks into LEAVE ME ALONE AND GET HELP! Sure enough...My wife got a letter. It was hand written and three pages long. I finally told her we were getting a restraining order and that I had called the police. She disappeared after that, but I did get a call a couple months later where you could hear a whimpering female in the background. We assume it was her.

Again...Tell your wife.

[legion]

Explain to your wife that this has a high likelihood of becoming a criminal matter and it is very important that she not take the other woman's bait and get mixed up in it.

[fastfredracing]

Originally Posted by flipper35

When I read the title my first thought was this is another vash thread.

There was nothing in my title about cooking Knives, Hunting gear, or public speaking
Vash, does always have the best posts !

[RANDY P]

tell the wife, suggest threesome?

[wayner]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

There was nothing in my title about cooking Knives, Hunting gear, or public speaking
Vash, does always have the best posts !

Jesus, if your stalker brings those topics into the texting discussions you may have to move!
I'd pack a bug out bag just in case...

[flipper35]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

There was nothing in my title about cooking Knives, Hunting gear, or public speaking
Vash, does always have the best posts !

Oh come on, you have to admit it does have a vash vibe.

[DonDavis]

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

"Your texts are making me uncomfortable. I am 100% devoted to my wife and marriage. I will defend them in any way I have to. I am afraid your attention is a threat to my marriage and to the life I have worked so hard to create for us. Please stop."

^^^Absolutely send this text to her.

Originally Posted by legion

-Tell your wife exactly what is going on.
-Reply in her texts in Spanish you are a small dry-cleaning service and you have no idea what she is saying.
-Consider getting a new cell phone.
-Keep all texts. Print them out. Keep a log of when you see her and what she does (like driving by the shop at night). You will need this later. There's a good chance someone this crazy will accuse you of rape or something else when she realizes she isn't going to get what she wants.
-Set a deadline for the behavior to end (like two weeks). If it does not, call the police. Show them the texts and your log. Get a restraining order.

Originally Posted by legion

Explain to your wife that this has a high likelihood of becoming a criminal matter and it is very important that she not take the other woman's bait and get mixed up in it.

All excellent advice. Likelihood of this escalating is very high. You and your wife need to locks arms and face this united and strong.

"Keep the wolves at bay.."

We joke around a lot on the BBS, this ain't one of those times. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

[Zeke]

Wait a minute. This place is falling apart. What's missing is.......

...is she hot??

[fintstone]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

Man, I am dreading telling my wife. She is cool, but you know how women get . There will be a ****storm of woman craziness in my life. She will go def con 5, not at me, but I am sure can you get the picture.
I am afraid , that you guys are correct though.

Scary stuff in my humble opinion. Hopefully just a midlife crisis from watching too many Hallmark Moves and reading too many Harlequin romance novels.

This sounds like what I would expect. Wife storms down and confronts woman...hair pulling, biting etc. Then, for the next ten years, blames you for leading the poor woman on. Her husband also blames you and punches you in the nose or shoots you (maybe kills his wife). I have known some reasonably normal-seeming guys who shot their wives for similar.

I might just be tempted to send the "not, no...but hell no; we are both happily married" text and save a copy of it and all previous ones in case her husband or your wife find out. Hope she gets over it/you as quick as she started seeing you as a potential conquest. Gives you some plausible deniability.

[fintstone]

Originally Posted by Zeke

Wait a minute. This place is falling apart. What's missing is.......

...is she hot??

You know she is not....or else, he wouldn't be asking for advice.


...other than where to get a discount on little blue pills

[Zeke]

Trade your stalker for a day with a Ferrari.

(you'd have to been here for many years to get that reference)

[Gogar]

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

"Your texts are making me uncomfortable. I am 100% devoted to my wife and marriage. I will defend them in any way I have to. I am afraid your attention is a threat to my marriage and to the life I have worked so hard to create for us. Please stop."

Sorry, wrong IMO. Fred already tried the nicey-nice. She's antagonizing him precisely because he's being nice.

"Get the FFFFFFFFFFFFCKKKK away from me" is where Fred needs to take it.

[Sooner or later]

How long has this been goimg on?

[jhynesrockmtn]

I've got a stalker what do I do ?

First thing would be to share a picture with this group.

Second, tell your wife now and let her know you are handling it.

Third, respond harshly "my wife knows and next time I hear from you or see you around my house or shop so will your husband"

[1975porsche]

Tell your wife! Years ago had a good friend (female) who was having problems in her marriage. She talked to me about it. My wife was in full knowledge about it. Eventually the husband phoned my house telling my wife I was having an affair with his wife. Total bs. But because I was open to my wife the whole time she called him out on it. Your wife needs to know, she is your partner.

[Evans, Marv]

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

"Your texts are making me uncomfortable. I am 100% devoted to my wife and marriage. I will defend them in any way I have to. I am afraid your attention is a threat to my marriage and to the life I have worked so hard to create for us. Please stop."

If/when you tell your wife, you might consider texting this while you are sitting together after your talk.

[wayner]

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

"Your texts are making me uncomfortable. I am 100% devoted to my wife and marriage. I will defend them in any way I have to. I am afraid your attention is a threat to my marriage and to the life I have worked so hard to create for us. Please stop."

I agree with Gogar on this.

DO NOT respond this way.

In addition to what Gogar said, this response attempts to appeal to a person's sense of good...their empathetic side.

In my work and in personal life i have come across too many people who I now recognize as on some DSM scale for psychopathy or some such behavior

Most people are probably not, but I won't give the benefit of the doubt in a situation like this.

1) she may not care about your feelings
2) She may see it as a challenge
3) She may have enjoyed pulling wings off of flies as a kid.. Can you imagine how much fun this could be?

She probably isn't a bunnies in pots type person but I wouldn't risk this particular type of response if she hasn't taken the hint by now..

[Baz]

Do NOT tell your wife!

My advice, Fred, is to totally ignore her.

Do not return texts, calls, or converse with her on any level.

Eventually she will get the picture and things will get back to normal.

I can't believe everyone advising you to tell your wife. If you do that - you will NEVER hear the end of it.....

[1990C4S]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

She starts texting me again this morning.. Saying I looked nice, I am taller than she remembers .

Well, now we know for sure she's BS crazy.