I've got a stalker what do I do ?

[Danimal16]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

Man, I am dreading telling my wife. She is cool, but you know how women get . There will be a ****storm of woman craziness in my life. She will go def con 5, not at me, but I am sure can you get the picture.
I am afraid , that you guys are correct though.

Your wife will help you.

[Sooner or later]

Originally Posted by legion

Internet is misbehaving today. I'd hit the button to post and it would look like I hadn't posted.

I thought you were just reinforcing your excellent advice.

[Danimal16]

Fred, this stalker has put you and your wife in a difficult situation. The two of you have a better chance of solving this than either of you alone. As others have said, there is no better ally than your best special friend!

I wish you two the best.

[fastfredracing]

fk. you guys are scaring me.

[Sooner or later]

Fred, her advances haven't stopped. Protect yourself

Tell the wife
No further correspondence of any kind.
Talk to cops or attorney

[chrisf]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

fk. you guys are scaring me.

It will not go away. doing nothing about it will make it second worse, only to taking this women up on her proposal.

I could almost guarantee that:

1. this woman will not stop
2. your wife will find out
3. your buddy will find out

This all, regardless if you do nothing.

Tell your wife asap. like now. explain to her as you have to us. Then you need to tell your buddy. I know if it were my wife, I would want to know.

[Sooner or later]

Originally Posted by Sooner or later

Fred, her advances haven't stopped. Protect yourself

Tell the wife
No further correspondence of any kind.
Talk to cops or attorney

Forgot about the hubby

Tell the wife
No further correspondence of any kind.
Tell husband
Then, no results, talk to cops or attorney.

[Eric at Pelican Parts]

Yikes!!! I'd definitely call the police and file a report before s**t hits the fan..... and I'd also tell my wife.

Hoping for the best outcome... stay vigilant.

[stomachmonkey]

Well, maybe the way to tell the wife is by enlisting her help.

Don't make it about yourself or the stalking, take the focus off that, treat it as a by product of what the issue really is.

The friends marriage.

"Hey hon, got a problem and need your advice.

My buddy Dave, I think he's having marital issues and I don't know whether to broach the subject with him or let it play out on its own.

Here's what's going on...."

[stomachmonkey]

And FWIW, don't discount the possibility that your buddy cheated on her, she found out and is looking for a way to get back at him.

That's your answer if your wife asks, which would be a natural question, "well why you?"

[ckelly78z]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

Well, maybe the way to tell the wife is by enlisting her help.

Don't make it about yourself or the stalking, take the focus off that, treat it as a by product of what the issue really is.

The friends marriage.

"Hey hon, got a problem and need your advice.

My buddy Dave, I think he's having marital issues and I don't know whether to broach the subject with him or let it play out on its own.

Here's what's going on...."

I like this approach, it allows her to help without throwing blame.

[KNS]

I agree with most everyone here - tell your wife now, nothing good will come from putting this off. File a police report, you’re just stating the facts but you’re also covering your ass.

Strongly consider telling the other husband. I found out my (now ex) wife was having an affair, I wish I’d known about it long before.

[Tobra]

Is your wife likely to pop a cap in her? If yes, do not tell her.

respond to texts in no uncertain terms to knock it off, block her number

[Jims5543]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

Well, maybe the way to tell the wife is by enlisting her help.

Don't make it about yourself or the stalking, take the focus off that, treat it as a by product of what the issue really is.

The friends marriage.

"Hey hon, got a problem and need your advice.

My buddy Dave, I think he's having marital issues and I don't know whether to broach the subject with him or let it play out on its own.

Here's what's going on...."

So much this.

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

And FWIW, don't discount the possibility that your buddy cheated on her, she found out and is looking for a way to get back at him.

That's your answer if your wife asks, which would be a natural question, "well why you?"

And this!!


You should have told her right off the bat, if she asks why this has been going on for so long, be honest, you did not want her to get upset.

I had an EX come after me on FB 10 years ago right after she got divorced, the moment the message arrived that she wanted to re-connect, I told my wife to come over and read this.

She read it, said that girl was pathetic and then I told her thanks but no thanks throwing in a line about how disrespectful this was to my wife for good measure.

Then she decided to create drama, blocked her and deleted FB, best move of my life.

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

Well, maybe the way to tell the wife is by enlisting her help.

Don't make it about yourself or the stalking, take the focus off that, treat it as a by product of what the issue really is.

The friends marriage.

"Hey hon, got a problem and need your advice.

My buddy Dave, I think he's having marital issues and I don't know whether to broach the subject with him or let it play out on its own.

Here's what's going on...."

Brilliant!

[MRM]

Originally Posted by Sooner or later

The First Steps in Dealing with Your Stalker


Never react to or communicate with the stalker. However, ignoring the harassment will not necessarily cause the stalker to stop. The sooner action is taken, be it police caution or warning, solicitor's letter or arrest, the more chance it has of stopping it. Research has shown that those stalkers who are allowed to carry on are less likely to stop easily.

Do not respond. Never agree to meet with your stalker or communicate with them in any way! It could put you in danger and may weaken any prosecution case against your stalker simply because you have co-operated with them.

Contact the local police. Do this quickly and ask for the name of the officer in charge of the case and record the crime reference number.

Inform. Ensure family, friends, neighbours and colleagues are aware of what is happening. They can also keep a record of sightings and suspicious incidents for you, as well as supporting and protecting you.

Improve personal safety. Carry a mobile phone with you as well as a personal attack alarm - it will help you feel more comfortable when you go out. Rely on your instinct. If you ever feel in imminent danger, do not hesitate to call 999. Consider improvements to your home security.

When I was a prosecutor I had a number of stalking cases. Once I took a class on what drives stalkers and how to respond. The advice above is pretty much spot on.

The first thing to understand is to never allow yourself to be compromised by your stalker. That means immediately telling your wife. If you share a secret with your stalker you are making the stalking possible and giving her power over you.

Second, understand that stalkers respond to the emotion of ANY reaction to them. There is a famous example from John Hinkley's stalking of Jodie Foster. He actually recorded his calls to her. One time he tracked her down to her dorm at Yale, back in the days where there was one phone on each floor and someone had to go get her from her dorm room to talk on the phone. When she found out who it was she went ballistic and called him every name in the book, that he was a nut job and that she would never have anything to do with him and never to contact her again. After she slammed down the phone he spoke into his tape recorder "I think that went very well". It didn't matter to him what she said, he was responding only to the arousal of the response itself. The lecturer advised that she would have been better off hanging up the phone the second she heard his voice.

This is not a time to be passive aggressive or wishy washy or nice or polite in any way. Any of that will encourage the behavior. If you are serious about stopping it you will immediately inform your wife, you will make a police report, you will tell her one single time that you reported her to the police. And from then on you will block her number and never respond to her in any way. If she continues to stalk you, you will need to go to the police and ask them to help you get a restraining order. I can walk you through the process too, if you want.

If you are serious about ending the stalking you will follow the plan outlined above. If you don't follow those steps, you are not serious about ending the attention. Be serious about ending the attention.

^^^
This.
As you can all imagine, this happens to me all the time.

[fintstone]

For those that suggest calling the police because a woman friend seems interested in sleeping with you...and not only texted you...but drove past where you worked...I suspect that is a bit much and the police will laugh at you.

Change your phone number and you name and move away in the middle of the night. Live under an assumed name in another state and wear a disguise until she gets over you.

[legion]

Originally Posted by fintstone

For those that suggest calling the police because a woman friend seems interested in sleeping with you...and not only texted you...but drove past where you worked...I suspect that is a bit much and the police will laugh at you.

That's fine. Calling the police has nothing to do with expecting them to protect him. It gets the documentation started in his favor. Maybe it scares her away. But most of all, it protects him if she escalates.

[Jims5543]

Originally Posted by madcorgi

^^^
This.
As you can all imagine, this happens to me all the time.

This dude has a legit problem and you come all up in here with jokes.