Dealing with Folks who are Habitually Late...

[A930Rocket]

I was always late for this one class at University, but it was in downtown Atlanta and I had to drive 20 miles from suburbia to there. Then find a nonexistent parking spot.

I am always on time and more likely several minutes early to any function and especially work.

If the rules are you leave on time, maybe wait x minutes, but after that, it’s hit the road Jack.

[70SATMan]

Whew! Ok, I’m here.

What did I miss?

[herr_oberst]

I deal with it until I don't.
I'm habitually early.
Makes me feel like a sucker, sometimes, but I know I'm not special and people won't wait for me.

[jcommin]

I'm a 100% 2nd gen Greek and growing up I experienced Greek Standard Time. No disrespect here but, this is a group that doesn't know the meaning of on time.

Me- if I'm expected to be somewhere at a specific time - I show up on time. Especially when it affects kids. One thing I learned - you don't disappoint young kids taking or picking them up for anything.

[Paul T]

Originally Posted by asphaltgambler

On time = early, period. We're all, (most of us) are grown men and women and can tell time, anticipating ETA's.

100% agree. Being late for anything is a serious pet peeve of mine. I skew hard in the other direction, to a fault. I usually plan to be at least 30 mins early for anything, and if I have a long drive I’ll add in much more buffer for traffic, etc. I hate being late.

[Norm K]

If my kids heard it once they heard it a thousand times:

If you're early, you're on time.

If you're on time, you're late.

If you're late, you're really late.


Funny thing, they're all extremely punctual adults and are imparting this old-school courtesy onto their own kids.

_

[mjohnson]

Originally Posted by Norm K

If my kids heard it once they heard it a thousand times:

If you're early, you're on time.

If you're on time, you're late.

If you're late, you're really late._

I thought this was just "lore" from the military until we were at Malmstrom AFB briefing their officers - just as we were to start (7:58am) three more early career missileers stroll in and the side-eye was furious from their colleagues that were there 10 mins early.

Me? Running late makes me physically anxious. I'd rather put a hammer into my thumb than be late. Maybe even barefooting on our child's lego bricks would be less painful than being late...

[GH85Carrera]

Originally Posted by Icemaster

Leave.

They'll continue to do it as long as you let them. It's like any other behavior, don't cater to it.

This.

If you cater to the perpetually late, they "get the power" to delay everyone else and make themselves important, more important than the entire group.

In the notice, sate clearly the departure time. Stick to it. Your timetable is just not important enough to the people that are always late. Let them miss a few events, and maybe they will be on time next time.

At our monthly autocross we have a cut off, 8:45. At 8:46 you don't get to run. If your watch is off, that is your problem. We want to be done with registration on time and be on track by 9:00 AM. Late arrivals are just spectators. Some have been so mad they don't come back for months. After a few months of people missing the event, everyone shows up on time or early.

[rfuerst911sc]

If a group is signed up to leave at 9:00 as an example you leave at 9:00 . That what everyone agreed to . Make no exceptions . Period . It is not fair to those that showed up early or on time .

[E38Driver]

I hosted a family dinner at my house and I told everyone that dinner was at 5PM. AT 501 I told everybody to grab a plate and load up. MIL complained that the BIL was not there yet and that we needed to wait for him. I loudly told everybody that my BIL can kiss my a$$. HE knew what time dinner was and I was not going to eat cold food.

Just as everybody was finishing eating guess who pops in the door? He looked around and I told him that he can heat his food in the microwave. Every time after that when I had a dinner at my house he made sure to show up at least 30 minutes early.

Another short one:
Had a group of folks that rode Harleys and we would plan a ride on Saturday or Sunday with me leading the group. First couple of times had the same two or three people show up late. I announced a new rule. If we are scheduled to leave at 9AM at 901 it was kickstands up and off we go. One time was all it took and everybody showed up early after that.

Dave

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by E38Driver

I hosted a family dinner at my house and I told everyone that dinner was at 5PM. AT 501 I told everybody to grab a plate and load up. MIL complained that the BIL was not there yet and that we needed to wait for him. I loudly told everybody that my BIL can kiss my a$$. HE knew what time dinner was and I was not going to eat cold food.

I have exactly the opposite problem: Getting the MIL, Aunts, etc. to leave after dinner.

I generally start the good-bye muster 1/2 hour before...it takes that long for them to gossip their way out the door.

When I ws in the Navy, especially for senior ranking military and civilians I didn't really know well, 15 minutes early was just what I did. With some folks, it can get petty quickly.

I worked for two Admirals when I was the Chief of Staff for a PEO at NAVAIR. One loved to have folks show up early and cool their jets in the waiting room, generally for at least five minutes past show time.

It was a thing with him I thought was absurd.

The second guys was "bring'em in if I'm not busy."

Great Boss.

[Jeff Higgins]

Originally Posted by Seahawk

I have exactly the opposite problem: Getting the MIL, Aunts, etc. to leave after dinner.

I generally start the good-bye muster 1/2 hour before...it takes that long for them to gossip their way out the door.

I stumbled upon a great solution to this many years ago...

When I was first getting started doing track days with my 911, I, for whatever reason, felt compelled to video record all of my track driving with my in-car camera.

When folks started to linger too long after dinner, I would simply say something like "hey, anyone wanna watch one of my track videos" as I turned on the TV.

Worked every time...

[bmcuscgr94]

I'm pretty much early to everything. I start to get nervous if I think we're not going to be 15 minutes early to something. Drives my wife nuts.

"Early is on time" is what a former captain of the USS Abraham Lincoln once told me.

[stevej37]

^^^ Same here...there is stress trying to time it exactly.
Easier to just get there early.

[MMARSH]

We say sidestands up at a specific time, when that time comes, we leave. With or without you....either your on time the next time or your riding by yourself again.

[stevej37]

AIS...from ELR

[john70t]

Originally Posted by GH85Carrera

If you cater to the perpetually late, they "get the power" to delay everyone else and make themselves important, more important than the entire group.

That would be passive-aggressive autistic myself. Last minute charlie. The thrill of accomplishing something small.
(However with the right groups I am still trainable with the hammer.)

But then I was raised to abandon all plans made at a moment's notice. Even when those plans were significant and life changing and years were spent building them, I had to cancel everything stop and drive across town to pass the salt across the table and measure the grass height. This Charlie Brown lays here looking at the football again and again. There is no plan, no schedule, only chaos in this world. Do something and it will be taken away or destroyed on purpose. Or so I thought.

[matthewb0051]

My wife's younger brother, the baby of the family even though in early 50's, has always been late amongst other issues. He used to get a pass from the MIL b/c he is in a wheel chair due to auto accident in 1991. Now the MIL has passed so we are much less accommodating.

He is now married and she is equally absent the respect of others and being present on time for whatever.

We do a combo of the following:

- plan a start time that we all know is BS but do it so that if they show up they will nearly be on time
- don't really anticipate them showing so when we are about 15 to 30 minutes past start time we just say F it and start w/o them.

Last Thanksgiving, they were to bring an appetizer. By the time they arrived we were ready to serve dinner so their app went untouched. When we were cleaning up his wife complained that no one had touched the app she brought. Well, no ****e, if you get here after people stop eating the apps yours isn't going to get eaten.

Easter brunch last month: after all the prep was done and we were about 15 minutes past start time, we get notice that they weren't coming. Life is tough when you don't work.

So no, taking a stand against these types isn't a problem. I say let them show up or not, but we are going on time and if you miss it, too F'ing bad.

[Norm K]

Originally Posted by matthewb0051

We do a combo of the following:

- plan a start time that we all know is BS but do it so that if they show up they will nearly be on time
- don't really anticipate them showing so when we are about 15 to 30 minutes past start time we just say F it and start w/o them.

So what you're saying is that it wasn't really the start time after all.

If you enable, they'll have no incentive to change.

_

[matthewb0051]

Originally Posted by Norm K

So what you're saying is that it wasn't really the start time after all.

If you enable, they'll have no incentive to change.

_

Brother, if it were up to me I would start at the appointed time regardless of where these 2 geniuses were. Honestly, it is more shocking when they actually get there on time. You almost start second guessing whether we were late ourselves.

I can remember this being an issue with him since I met the family in 1987. I recall in 1988 I was back visiting them in the US from Europe. We were going to Christmas Eve Mass. Literally sitting in the car waiting on him to come out. I checked my watch and it was already the start time for Mass and we hadn't left the driveway. I just got out of the car, knowing how packed it usually is for Christmas and how we had a drive plus parking plus walking in the the church. But no consequence for him, hence how he still continues on to this day.