How about a joke thread?

[Fast Freddy 944]

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun, Jack got down, Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.

[Bill Douglas]

A Church Minister, a Priest and a Rabbit walk into a bar.

The barman says to the rabbit "What are ya havin'?"

the rabbit says "I dunno, I'm only here because of autocorrect."

[Joe Bob]

A priest, rabbi and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender, (Yiddish accent) asks "wash is dis? The start of a joke?

[Fast Freddy 944]

A Irishman, a Scotty and a Britt walk into a bar, the Irish orders 10 beers, the Britt orders 11 beers and the Scotty had a good night...

[hughc]

The old farmer had a wife that always nagged. Nag nag nag, non stop, everyday.
One day he was out plowing his fields with his mule and his wife came to see him with his lunch, as she always did. As soon as she got there she started nagging. Nag nag nag. She was walking around and got too close to the mule and it jumped up and kicked her in the head. Killed her on the spot.

At the wake, the priest noticed the old farmer talking to a bunch of ladies and he kept shaking his head up and down, up and down, up and down. Then the farmer went over to talk to a bunch of men. there, he just kept shaking his head back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

Once most of the crowd had left the priest approached the farmer and asked him what the ladies were talking about. He said the ladies commented on how well she looked, how nice her hair was, and what a lovely dress she was wearing. The priest then asked about the men.
The farmer said the men were asking if the mule was for sale.

[Hawkeye's-911T]

Putin visits a fortune teller and asks her what will happen in the near future. She says; "I see you riding in a limousine through a large crowd, the people are happy, laughing and cheering, jumping for joy, hugging each other and all have big smiles on their faces!"

Putin asks her; "Am I waving at them?"

No she says, the coffin is closed!"

[HobieMarty]

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[Baz]

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied he did not need a whole head, but only a half head.
The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter.
The boy walked into the back room and said, "There's some ******* out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce."
As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half."
The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"
The boy replied, "Minnesota sir."
"Oh really? Why did you leave Minnesota" asked the manager.
The boy replied, "They're all just whores and hockey players up there."
Really replied the manager, "My wife is from Minnesota!!"
The boy replied, "No kidding! What team did she play for?"

[3rd_gear_Ted]

Three Bulls on the ranch watch a truck & trailer pull up and the gate opens up. The biggest bad ass Bull they ever seen comes down the ramp. First Bull says; I might have to give up some of my cows. Second Bull says the same. Third Bull is pawing away at the ground and acting crazy. The other two Bulls say; what's up with you? Third Bull says; I just want him to know I'm a Bull.

[billybek]

An old Pilot sat down in Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’
He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca’s, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot – what about you?’
She said, ‘I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.’
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’
He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian.’

[SCadaddle]

Sure 'nuff Preacher joke seen just yesterday from a video of a 90's sermon by a most respected (Baptist!) Preacher in all of Jackson Mississippi:

"The Lord came to Adam and told him "Adam, I am going to give you a partner. Someone you can trust. Someone that will be by your side always. Someone that will help you out in this life and make life easier, but it's going to cost you an arm and a leg."

Adam replies: "What can I get for a rib?" !

[GH85Carrera]

A Priest and a Rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the Priest turned to the Rabbi and asked: "Is it still a requirement of

your faith that you not eat pork?"

The Rabbi responded: "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The Priest then asked: "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the Rabbi replied: "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and ate

a ham sandwich."

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the priest: "Father, is it still a requirement

of your church that you remain celibate?"

The Priest replied: "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

The Rabbi then asked him: "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"

The Priest replied: "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."

The Rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silently thinking for about 5 minutes.

Finally, the Rabbi said: “Sure beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?”

[porsche tech]

A man was conducting an All Service member briefing one day, and he posed the question: “What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?”

A Sailor said, “I’d step on it.”

A Soldier said, “I’d hit it with my boot.”

A Marine said, “I’d catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.”

An Airman said, “I’d call room service and find out why there’s a tent in my room.”

Edit: I may have already submitted that one earlier…can’t remember and too lazy to go through and check.

[Bill Douglas]

The dog ate my Scrabble game. I've taken him to the vet but no word yet.

[stevej37]

^^^ He's not sure how to squeeze out the Q yet.
He wants the 10 pts.

[oldE]

He just wanted to catch a few "Z"s

Best
Les

[HobieMarty]

Watch out for the P.

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[masraum]

I saw a short video online the other day. It was some guy telling a joke to a couple of other people.

The Dr told me that I need to stop masturbating.
I asked him why.
He said "because I'm trying to exam you."

[Black968]

[Black968]