What do you do, when you can't get over someone?

[competentone]

Originally posted by slodave
I have also always been a bit of an introvert - always watching from the wings, never liked large crowds and I have a hard time time meeting women. Lack of a self confidence really. I used to read a lot.

No, you just haven't learned some of the technical aspects of conversation.

Read this book:

http://www.thingsyouneverknew.com/website/store/product_detail.asp?UID=2007031710484562&item%5Fno=4807&keyword=power+conversation&cat%5Fkeyword=&search%5Fpage%5Fno=1

[Nape75'911T]

I have nothing special to add except another voice of support. I separated 2 years ago....and have been in another relationship since, and it has certainly had its ups and downs.
You will meet someone natually when you're ready. What I suggest is what others have. Drag yourself out, especially when you don't want to, and go for a walk, or a drive, get out of the environment where you brood.
Look up on the net in your area for support groups, or clubs that are free....there are many car type clubs, singles groups, etc.....just stay busy.

I agree with breaking the contact, it will not do you, or the child any good long term if she is not willing.....you sound like a nice guy, so be good to yourself first, and then someone else will want to share.

Good luck.....

[azasadny]

Dave,
Move along and put your energy elsewhere. Good luck to you, you'll meet the "right" woman just when you aren't looking too hard!

[gassy]

Hang in there man--things will get better.
Christian.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

Cut the cord, be a man and move on.

[the]

1. Cut off all contact, cold turkey.

(This is an absolute must. The healing doesn't start until that happens. It just takes time. Cut it off, it's over, there's nothing you can do about that. The sooner you can put 6 months of no contact between you and her/son, the better.)

2. Do other things to keep yourself and your mind busy.

(Don't dwell on it, try to move on, find anything to keep yourself occupied. For many guys, that's "hopping back on the saddle," and IMO that's perfectly legit and healthy. But it can be work, cars, etc. Just keep busy).

You'll be all right, man. It just wasn't meant to be. But it's over, move on, time heals all wounds.

[cstreit]

I think you're playing a dangerous game having contact with her son. Primarily because you're messing with the kids feelings. He/she doesn't have the maturity to understand "its over" and you're helping drag it out. Secondly because that's a huge liability in todays world if you ask me. I suspect that most parents would have a HUGE FREAKOUT if they found out an ex-flame was testing their kid and meeting them in internet sites. (Think of how it sounds). I'm sure you mean no harm, but I doubt a judge or lawyer would see it that way... Too many sickos out there.

If she means "over" than you have to move on because no amount of contact is going to fix anything. Good luck dude.

[K. Roman]

Also, the kid isn't yours. It's hers. You need to stop using the kid as an excuse for wanting to stay with her. It's not your child so you cannot keep in contact with him...that may be looked at as strange. You are to old to be hanging with someones kid. And stop looking at your lack of money as an excuse not to do things. And shyness as an excuse not to go out. You really need to listen to other people right now, get out and do things. Ride a bike, go to your local coffee house, read books there.

Go to local bar, have a drink with a guy friend. You say you don't like that but if you have a buddy, what's not to like about sharing a beer with your friend at a bar?

Stop making excuses, stop feeling sorry for yourself and go out and start living!!!

[slodave]

I do appreciate the advice and thoughts. I am off to my R/C hobby. I have been out of that for 6+ months now. Not religious. It's funny though, Churches seem to have ski groups (and other activities), but Synagogues do not really have ski clubs. Don't know why that is.

Dave

[nostatic]

Good advice a friend of mine gave me when I was going through one of my breakups: go out and do something for someone else (ie, volunteer).

Today there was a Heal the Bay beach cleanup at Venice (over at noon though). Next weekend there is a cleanup at Malibu creek. Doesn't cost you anything other than the gas (use the p-car to get there) and a few hours. Good for the soul...and there may be chicks

http://www.healthebay.org

http://www.healthebay.org/calendar/months/2007_03.asp

[cool_chick]

Originally posted by nostatic
Good for the soul...and there may be chicks

Cooking classes and book clubs....chicks......

[nostatic]

dance classes...tango, ballroom, etc. Chicks for DAYS.

[scottmandue]

A big yes to what everyone else is saying.

Cut all ties... walk... no, run away... far far away! No more texting BS! Stay away from the kid for the above reasons, I know it sounds mean and it's not the kids fault but it could get you in a mess of trouble and you will never get over her as long as you hanging with him.

Move you body, walk, run, bike... DO SOMETHING... I won't get into all the medical jargon but exercise does all kinds of good things for depression (chemically).

I'm very much like you, introverted and self critical... you CAN change those attitudes but it takes time and effort.

The R/C hobby sounds cool and if it helps go for it.

Hang in there and best of luck!

[scottmandue]

Originally posted by cool_chick
Cooking classes and book clubs....chicks......

Originally posted by nostatic
dance classes...tango, ballroom, etc. Chicks for DAYS.

Good stuff (I'm taking notes!)

Great advice on volunteering too... once when I was really depressed I went down to the homeless shelter and handed out food. Not only does it give you warm fuzzies but after seeing how those people live you walk away thinking WTF am I bummed about?

[Shaun @ Tru6]

hospital volunteer. nurses are beat down by doctors day and night. show them some real respect and affection...

stress real BTW.

as a group, they're also the most "adventuresome" women you'll find.

[holtjv]

Are you athletic at all? I have a friend, actually former business partner, who is severely ADHD--has not medicated because he has no idea he is so awesomely ADD--extremely forgetful, seems self-centered, can't keep focused on any one thing, etc.

He started cycling like a maniac; i guess it's the natural release of endorphins and/or dopamine, but he's a different person--much easier to live with.

Try running or cycling, which will also get you into groups of people who can be, by nature, loners--especially runners. It also allows you to accomplish something every day and feel better about yourself, getting out of the wallowing self-pity which probably depresses you more.

J

[livi]

Originally posted by Shaun 84 Targa
hospital volunteer. nurses are beat down by doctors day and night. show them some real respect and affection...

stress real BTW.

as a group, they're also the most "adventuresome" women you'll find.

The American species perhaps..

[nostatic]

actually I've know some school teachers who were...umm...fun.

[Shaun @ Tru6]

Originally posted by livi
The American species perhaps..

no offense intended Markus, but since we have a completely different (and f'ed up) healthcare infrastructure here in the States, I'm not surprised there's a different dynamic elsewhere in the world.

[livi]

But seriously, I think you are generally correct. Not least in larger facilities, like University hospitals. The shear amount of young eager female staff is overwhelming. Being a consultant specialist in that setting is a preeeeety groooovy position..