Will you get re-married?

[RickM]

I don't care to speak of my personal situation but my general feeling is that I would not remarry...but never say never.

I heard an interesting analogy from an attractive 36yo, single, female bartender last week. While on the topic of breaking up she spoke about a guy she loved but couldn't get married to.

The boys asked why.

Her response: "It's like that beautiful pair of shoes you see on sale at Nordstroms. You try them on and while they don't quite fit they look great. You figure you'll get used to them after wearing a few times.
You bring them home and wear them once or twice and they're just too aggravating. Then they end up in the closet until you give them away or throw them out."

[Moneyguy1]

"A heart of gold"

A definition of gold: Cold, metallic and hard to find.

[RickM]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

She's nine yrs. younger than I am. And I'm pretty sure I'm set in my ways, while there's still a chance she'll change some more. But I just have not seen any of the red flags with this one in almost three yrs. of dating, that I always saw early on but ignored with all the others.

IMO, you need not see red flags to caution. She will change and that can be for better or worse.

[71T Targa]

I've been told that men get married thinking that their gals will never change, and that women get married thinking they'll be able to chance their men in to what they want them to be.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Dan, while you don't have to be married to be in love, or in a great relationship, it is the final leap so to speak. When you marry you not only enter into a legally binding contract, but if you marry in a church you also make a promise to God. Marriage is the ultimate commitment, partially because it is so hard to get out. I'm not at all saying that those who don't marry are wrong, it's your life. But when I met my wife, I wanted to make the ultimate commitment to her. I never doubted my decision, and have never regretted it.

Rick, do you doubt that you are making the right choice? "When there is doubt, there is no doubt". I think Deniro said that in Heat, but it applies here. It's normal to be anxious about it, but if you aren't certain it is right, back away.

[Rick Lee]

No, Matt. No doubts whatsoever. And I've had them about plenty of things and people in the past.

Ok, next question. Anyone here ever get a pre-nup? Why/why not?

[onewhippedpuppy]

Nope, but I didn't have much when we married. Still don't.

Seriously though, to me, a pre-nup is just preparing for divorce. I always figured that love > stuff. If my wife left me, losing half of my things would be the absolute least of my worries. It all comes back to the leap of faith thing. You are rolling the dice, and on the line is half of your stuff. If your stuff is that important to you, or if you think that a divorce is a real possibility, you shouldn't get married. Probably not a popular opinion, but that is how I approached my marriage.

[charleskieffner]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

I've been engaged and close to getting married once before and almost engaged once before that. I've had plenty of great, but very difficult, gf's. Honestly, my fiance now is the easiest-to-get-along-with person I've ever met. She has a heart of gold. She's nine yrs. younger than I am. And I'm pretty sure I'm set in my ways, while there's still a chance she'll change some more. But I just have not seen any of the red flags with this one in almost three yrs. of dating, that I always saw early on but ignored with all the others. And marriage was not at all something on my must-do list. It's just that I can't imagine even wanting anyone other than the one I have now.

EXACTLY WHERE I AM..............and loving it! not one red flag! unlike 1st marriage where i saw a couple flags and was warned by her sister about her temper!!!

pretty much sums up exactly how i feel.

i am BLESSED to have the relationship i have now.

im just trying to figure out how she will wear an 1989 speedster on her ring finger instead of buying her a diamond!


LOL! being in love is fun. not being in love is like being in war.............IT SUCKS GIANT DONKEY SCHLONGS!

[pwd72s]

Married at age 31, Cindy was 28. Maybe that has a bearing on why we've been together for more than 3 decades? We dated for a couple of years before running off to Reno for a quick civil cermony.

Would I remarry? Hell, I can't imagine life without her.

[the]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

No, Matt. No doubts whatsoever.

I give ya 4 years.

[notfarnow]

Originally Posted by the

I give ya 4 years.

classy

[nostatic]

Married to wife #1 in grad school at age 28. That one lasted 4 years.

Married to wife #2 at age 34. That one lasted 8 years.

There were plenty of red flags that I can see *in hindsight* AFTER 5 years of therapy. I think it really depends how self-aware you are. People change, but their core values really don't unless they do a tremendous amount of hard work. Most are not willing. And don't underestimate the ability of someone (including yourself) to keep up a "nice" facade during years of courtship.

But yeah, I'll likely get married again if I find the right woman. For the time being I've been enjoying some of the wrong ones.

[Zeke]

Some say that the 2nd time around is a better union, especially if the choices were better made. That would be my case having just celebrated 25 years.

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by nostatic

Married to wife #1 in grad school at age 28. That one lasted 4 years.

Married to wife #2 at age 34. That one lasted 8 years.

There were plenty of red flags that I can see *in hindsight* AFTER 5 years of therapy. I think it really depends how self-aware you are. People change, but their core values really don't unless they do a tremendous amount of hard work. Most are not willing. And don't underestimate the ability of someone (including yourself) to keep up a "nice" facade during years of courtship.

But yeah, I'll likely get married again if I find the right woman. For the time being I've been enjoying some of the wrong ones.

Core values....I think you nailed something there. That, combined with telling the truth about those values. Cindy & I shared many of the same values and opinions over a wide range of topics. We've never been shy about telling each other what we think. With us, it's "what you see is what you get"...neither of us tolerate phonies well.

[Rick Lee]

Any of you guys think your chances of success have to do with the examples around you when you were young? My folks are still madly in love like teeangers and they started dating in 1959. Both my parents' siblings and parents had bad or failed marriages. My folks seem to have learned a lot from bad examples. I've seen their great examples and the bad ones of most of my other relatives.

Why is 4 yrs. the magic number?

[frogger]

No. It has to do with really liking and respecting the other person a lot.

[nostatic]

they don't call it 7 year itch for nothing. I know a ton of people who fell apart at 7 years plus or minus a year.

Maybe 4 is the new 7 (like 40 is the new 30)

[sammyg2]

A guy comes flying down the street and locks up the brakes as he skids across the front lawn. He kicks open the door and yells to his wife, "honey. I just won the lottery, start packing."
She says, 'what should I pack, for warm or cold climate?"
he says "pack all of it b!tch, you're outa here!"

Seriously, One night I saw a girl standing across the room and told my best friend that she's the one, I'm gonna marry her.
he laughed and said i was full of it.
It took me six months to get to know her and finally get a date, we've been married for 15 years.
I was so sure of it that I knew the first time I saw her, even from a distance.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Another thing, make sure that both of you are happy as is. None of this, "I'm sure he/she will change" BS. You have to love the other person, all or nothing. Because you're already set in your ways, and the only change she's making is losing interest in sex.

I spent my childhood a Methodist, and pretty much quit going to church in high school. My wife grew up in a big Catholic family, and was a dedicated church-goer. We had the same morals, and the same beliefs, I just wasn't a Catholic (her grandma didn't like that). Before we married, I explained to her that she had to accept the fact that I probably would not become a Catholic, and that if she could not then we shouldn't be getting married. It was something she was ok with, and it never caused any trouble. It's important to walk through potential stumbling blocks BEFORE you marry. A lot of people miss that before part.

A few years after we married, I decided that I liked what I had experienced going to church with her, and became a Catholic on my own accord.

[the]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

Why is 4 yrs. the magic number?

Just playin' the odds!

I think 4 is the new 7. Part of living in the "microwave" era. Shorter attention spans and everything is sped up.