Will you get re-married?

[cab83_750]

Originally Posted by Dan in Pasadena

Matt,
I am as committed to my girlfriend as I ever was to my then wife. I would never cheat on her, nor treat her in any regard less than I treated my wife. .

Dan,

You should probably 'commit to your GF' very very very nicely. In your first (or few) posts, you mentioned you're in your 8-year-live-in arrangement. Do you know that in California, at this time, you two ARE NOW CONSIDERED HUSBAND-AND-WIFE???? (I.e., SHE GETS HALF WHEN SHE FILES FOR DIVORCE!!!!!!).


P.S.,

I thought the guideline is 7-years. It may have changed.

[Dan in Pasadena]

Give me more credit than that. California is NOT a community property state. Hasn't been one in a long time. And no, we are not registered domestic partners either.

[nostatic]

Originally Posted by Dan in Pasadena

Give me more credit than that. California is NOT a community property state. Hasn't been one in a long time.

umm, err...

http://www.taxes.ca.gov/newind.html

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/california/cafaq03

http://www.divorcesupport.com/divorce/California-Property-Division-Factors-440.html

[the]

In addition to being a community property state, isn't California also the state where the "palimony" thing started?

[cab83_750]

Originally Posted by Dan in Pasadena

LOTS here to repsond to but I'll try to keep it short; already written too much and its not my thread. ...............

"

Dan,

This was meant to be a 'community thread'. So please do express yourself.


Oh, my post about the 'community state' was not meant to give you less credit; it was meant as an FYI. If I did convey as giving you less credit, my apologies.

Lastly, it is my understanding that 'registering' need not occur. Her proof, or your proof, of living-in-together for X-years would suffice to prove the 'logical marriage.' I am a computer geek, and I am not a lawyer, so please do not quote me.

[MBAtarga]

I think what Dan is referring to is "common law" marriages. A Google search reveals they are not legal in CA, hence if he is not "married" there is no community property to share.

[Dan in Pasadena]

oh please, allow me to retort:

1) What is community property?
California law defines community property as any asset acquired or income earned by a married person while living with his or her spouse. Separate property is defined as anything acquired by a spouse before the marriage, or during the marriage by gift, d evise or bequest. The law requires that the community estate be divided equally if there is no written agreement to the contrary. This means that from the total fair market value of the community assets, the joint obligations of the parties are subtracted, yielding the net community estate. Unless agreed otherwise, each spouse must receive ½ of the net community estate.

We are not married. The house we DO own together was purchased with EXACTLY an even investment and ALL home improvements and maintenance is split 50-50 with no exceptions. She has no claim on my retirement.

As a matter of fact, her income has gone up wildly during the period of time we've been together. She makes more money than I do by about 30% where I made more than her by almost 50% when we met and began living together. Not only that, but she has apartments she acquired during our time together which I have helped her remodel with labor etc. I do not and would not make a claim against that property if we ever split...but I suppose if you guys are right, I could much easier than she could of me.

[Dan in Pasadena]

Originally Posted by MBAtarga

I think what Dan is referring to is "common law" marriages. A Google search reveals they are not legal in CA, hence if he is not "married" there is no community property to share.

Exactly, thanks Mark. I DID mean California is not a common law state. We jointly invested in the house as described above but there is NO comingling of monies otherwise whatsoever. We each pay a fixed amount into a joint house account which is used for nothing else. Outside of that our individual income is our individual income period. Works great, nothing to argue about. I buy as much Porsche crap as I want; she buys as many pairs of shoes as she wants!

[nostatic]

True. Common law marriage is not recognized in CA. But it most certainly is a community property state. Ask me how I know

"California does not recognize common-law marriage (and furthermore, living with someone for a certain number of years is not sufficient basis for common-law marriage) The Equality in Marriage Institute warns that cohabiting partners are basically "legal strangers" unless they create a cohabitation agreement or other legal document. In the event of breakup or death, courts will try to act fairly, but without legal status things may be difficult."

[Dan in Pasadena]

nostatic, agree. Which is hy we comingled nothing. When we met and decided to live together one of the things I most liked was that we were with each other out of no financial need. We could both make it on our own just fine. We were together only because we wanted to be and for no other reason. I still like that a lot.

[mthomas58]

Originally Posted by cab83_750

I am not sure if this was a subject before. If so, ignore this thread.

Since we seem to be all 'guys' here, I am wondering what the majority would be.

1. If you were married, how long was the marriage? years/months?
2. If you are currently divorced, will you entertain marriage again?
3. If you are planning on getting re-married, how long was your 'single/divorced' status?

Based on my conversation with a lot of married and divorced guys (at work, at parties, around the neighborhood), they WILL NOT marry again.

BTW, the single ones are the only ones entertaining marriage.

It's all about meeting the Right person. My first marriage was a train wreck....almost 9 years...fortunately no children. Was convinced that I would never marry again. Five years later........met wife #2 in KC on a business trip (we both live in ATL) and have not been apart for more than 4 days since our first date 2 weeks later. Our 4th anniversiary was in July. No kids first time around......two grandkids second time around at age 45 (now 5 1/2 and 3 1/2.....OK, and 49!). Couldn't be happier and I lucked out - no diaper changes!!!!!!

Considered numerous 911 vanity plate combos.....everything seem pretty inconsequential compared to what we finally decided on!

Thanks for asking.

"PAPAMARK", out!

[bigchillcar]

waited until 40 to marry for the first time back last august 15th..separated november 1st..filed for divorce december 28th..divorce was final this past february. remarried ex-wife this past july 23rd..separated tuesday morning. think i'm a 'happy camper' right about now...? one of you guys here, good with a handgun...put me out of my ****ing misery...

[onewhippedpuppy]

Ryan, sounds like you guys need to call it quits. Relationships that are prone to the break-up/make-up cycle don't seem to ever last.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Dan, something I was mulling over after reading your posts. In retrospect, years ago when you married, do you think there were any warning signs you didn't see at the time? To go a bit further, were there things you saw in her that at the time did not concern you, but that later turned into problems? Were there things that you neglected to discuss before marriage that should have been discussed?

[JeremyD]

Ryan just slap her in the cratch - it's all good.

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by bigchillcar

waited until 40 to marry for the first time back last august 15th..separated november 1st..filed for divorce december 28th..divorce was final this past february. remarried ex-wife this past july 23rd..separated tuesday morning. think i'm a 'happy camper' right about now...? one of you guys here, good with a handgun...put me out of my ****ing misery...

What happened? Is she not a Van Halen fan? That was one my tests with every GF. I get a pass for anything VH or Rush related.

[motion]

Originally Posted by bigchillcar

waited until 40 to marry for the first time back last august 15th..separated november 1st..filed for divorce december 28th..divorce was final this past february. remarried ex-wife this past july 23rd..separated tuesday morning. think i'm a 'happy camper' right about now...? one of you guys here, good with a handgun...put me out of my ****ing misery...

Ryan,

Are you serious? Damn, you're going through the wash cycle right now. I hope things get smoother for you.

[Dan in Pasadena]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

Dan, something I was mulling over after reading your posts. In retrospect, years ago when you married, do you think there were any warning signs you didn't see at the time? To go a bit further, were there things you saw in her that at the time did not concern you, but that later turned into problems? Were there things that you neglected to discuss before marriage that should have been discussed?

Matt, truth is as a 52 year old man I can see things now I NEVER saw as a 23 year old man.
For one thing, getting married to the first girl you make love to is........while sweet, and idealistic, etc - c'mon, we're all (well mostly) grown men here. That is a recipe for disaster. It was a long time coming disaster, but one nevertheless.

The truism about looking at the mother to see what you'll be married to later? Of course it isn't ALWAYS true, but there is probably (in my experience, not everyones) more truth to it than not...that's why its called a truism! Her mother had been physically beautiful as a young woman. My ex was stunning to me as a young man. Blonde, huge hazel eyes and long eyelashes, trim - she has stayed that way to this day. So partly, I couldn't see beyond that.

Last, (actually third out of 100,000) it is crystal clear in hindsight that the way we had been brought up couldn't have been more different if we'd been on different planets. "Opposites attract", etc - we thought that at the time. But in truth a common perspective on seeing the world didn't exist between us. I was/am a reader, a thinker. As we grew older I quickly came to realize if she read a full article in People magazine that was as much reading as she'd ever do. Not that she's dumb, quite the contrary. In response to her brilliant but spopiled, weird and unattentive mother she had rebelled by never reading anything, never having much opinion or engaging on anything that required thought and defending how you feel about something. She thinks I am this great intellect or something. I'm not. I simply watch the news daily, try to keep somewhat informed and try THINKING rather than repeating something I heard on talk radio (yuk!) We were just too different and though we wanted many of the same things, adored our kids, loved each other emotionally and satisfied each other physically, there was a wide gap and it only kept getting wider.

[w21055]

Originally Posted by bigchillcar

waited until 40 to marry for the first time back last august 15th..separated november 1st..filed for divorce december 28th..divorce was final this past february. remarried ex-wife this past july 23rd..separated tuesday morning. think i'm a 'happy camper' right about now...? one of you guys here, good with a handgun...put me out of my ****ing misery...

I am 33 and never been married and reading that makes me even more leary and my current GF is probably the one.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Interesting Dan, thanks. So in many ways you were aware of the issues, but unable to know that they would later become issues? That's a real mouthful, isn't it?