How should I handle my college aged stepson in this situation? - Page 3

1fastredsc · 09-12-2007, 09:48 AM

If he doesn't have anything to worry about other than school, and is a business major, tell him to get his ass in gear and take 15 or more. Like i said before, there's an initial shock in going to college realizing that you don't spend as much time necessarily in school but quite a bit outside of school. In high school i used to fall asleep in classes, not do homework, and i graduated with a 3.2gpa. But in college that ***** doesn't fly, especially in the engineering dept here, where they are known to force the dropout of half the ME freshmen every year. I'm taking 15 right now as a mechanical engineer but i'm also in between a junior and senior level so i'm used to the abuse. However 15 ME credits at this level means that i barely get spare time to come here once in awhile, haven't touched my xbox since i started this semester, and i don't even work....... . 15 business course credits especially early in the degree is not that hard, and you should have a talk with him so that he realizes that things WILL get worse and this time he's spending with BS intro classes is meant to ease him into the craziness later on.
Also as others have recommended, and it's not for everyone, but my friend and i both took a break from education and worked for awhile. Traveled, got life experience, etc, and it was the best thing for both of us. Now i'm only 3 semesters out of a BS as an ME, he's finishing very soon in air traffic control, both of us with excellent GPA's as well.

gprsh924 · 09-12-2007, 09:54 AM

My biggest adjustment was to force myself to do all the extra reading and to start studying for tests a few days ahead of time rather than a few hours ahead of time.

The real way I realized that I had to get my act together was the threat of my parents no longer paying for school. That worked for me. Maybe that will work for your stepson too, or he might need something more sever, I'm not sure, but when he starts realizing that all that money he made last summer will be completey gone, he might turn it around.

Dueller · 09-12-2007, 09:55 AM

At MSU, entering freshman engineering majors are referred to as a "Pre-Business Majors" due to the high failure rate

1fastredsc · 09-12-2007, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dueller

At MSU, entering freshman engineering majors are referred to as a "Pre-Business Majors" due to the high failure rate

I actually didn't want to offend your step kid's choice in major, but there's a similar saying here for engineering dropouts. Matter of fact our course adviser would tell you "hey, look at the bright side, there's always the business college".

Dueller · 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1fastredsc

I actually didn't want to offend your step kid's choice in major, but there's a similar saying here for engineering dropouts. Matter of fact our course adviser would tell you "hey, look at the bright side, there's always the business college".

Oh no...absolutely no offense taken. I've been candid with him about the choice of majors. You know he's still a kid in many ways. He just has this idea that he'll come out of college with a BBA and the world will come knocking with big bucks job offers. No offense to business majors but without a graduate degree, you're looking at getting a job as an assistant manager in the food service industry.

Plus his grandmother wants him to be a CPA.

In reality he is a very talented writer and sucked at HS accounting...hated it. I've tried to encourage him to explore what interests him. To keep an open mind about every class he takes and try to learn what it is that truly motivates him. And then figure out a career path fro there.

Rick Lee · Rick Lee's Garage

Sorry. I missed the part about the credits and GPA conditions. I'd pull the plug now. My sister goofed off a lot in college, couldn't decide what she wanted to do, transferred to a much more expensive one that wouldn't take her credits AND the tuition, room and board was about twice mine. So my folks got chapped pretty fast when she came home with terrible grades, but great photos from her spring break cruise and sorority stories. For Xmas one year they gave her a check for $10k with little pieces of string taped to the check, aka strings attached. It was for one more semester's costs and she had to get a certain GPA. She didn't make it and my folks pulled the plug. To be fair to her, she got her act together after that, came back to live at home, worked in a restaurant, saved up everything, packed the car and moved to Dallas. Without a college degree or any decent work experience, she landed an excellent job in HR with a good salary, stock, etc. We were all very impressed. So college ain't for everyone and it doesn't mean he's gonna be a ditch digger if he doesn't go to school. But it's a distinct possibility.

Dueller · 09-12-2007, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

So college ain't for everyone and it doesn't mean he's gonna be a ditch digger if he doesn't go to school. But it's a distinct possibility.

Oh I agree. My wife was on her own at 17 and never went to college. But she worked her butt off and is very successful albeit she's still working her butt off.

His dad flunked out of about 6 or 7 schools...I don't think he ever actually finished a single college course. But he's doing just fine right now, retired and living in a multi-million dollar home in Ventura Beach. With his new wife. Who he met in his 4th or 5th stint in rehab. In her defense it was only her 3rd stint. Of course it helps she's a country music heiress.

So this is why the kid comes to me for advice about college...and then doesn't listen.

Rick Lee · Rick Lee's Garage

Hey, don't forget - Dick Cheney was kicked out of Yale, not once, but twice. He made out alright.

Dueller · 09-12-2007, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

Hey, don't forget - Dick Cheney was kicked out of Yale, not once, but twice. He made out alright.

Well...my stepson does love quail hunting.

cmccuist · 09-12-2007, 10:45 AM

Sounds like he had the same reaction as 99% of all other freshmen that experience those conditions - i.e. the taste of freedom, access to funds, a car, and no one bird-dogging him.

My daughter's GPA her first semester at A & M was a very solid 1.0 - straight D's!!

I told her she was locked into a bachleors degree and no more. I told her that one semester killed any chances of an advanced degree. Now she's in law school. Shows how much i know.

When we saw that report card, we dropped the hammer hard. We took her cell phone, her car and cut her allowance to "call me if you need money - and the answer's NO!!"

That worked well as she got serious the next day.

Dueller · 10:58 AM

OK...I decided to fuch with him a little bit. Keep in mind he doesn't know I know he dropped back to 12 hours. I sent the following email:

Just sitting around researching some law for a speech I have to give Thursday...

Your mom said you may be coming home this weekend...GREAT. Mom has to work Fri
and Sat night...but if you do get into town call me and we'll burn a few thick
steaks. Planning on any dove shoots this weekend?

How's school going? Caught up in History yet? Hang in there...you can do it...I
have complete confidence it'll work out fine. Besides, at 12 hours a semester
it'll take you 5+ yeats to graduate.

On a more somber note, I spoke with the court clerk on the two speeding tickets. If convicted it looks like fines totalling $432 and possible loss of license. Plus your insurance will go up at least $1200/year when they hit. The two Highway patrolmen know about the other's ticket and they're pissed. Let me know what you want to do.

Later.

jim

Rick Lee · Rick Lee's Garage

Does he think you're not gonna find out about the reduced course load? Don't you see the bills? Don't you see the report cards? How does he think he's hiding the 12 hrs. thing?

Porsche_monkey · 09-12-2007, 11:07 AM

On a more somber note, I spoke with the court clerk on the two speeding tickets. If convicted it looks like fines totalling $432 and possible loss of license. Plus your insurance will go up at least $1200/year when they hit. The two Highway patrolmen know about the other's ticket and they're pissed. Let me know what you want to do.

I would have finished this sentance off with "Let me know what how you are going to handle this".

gprsh924 · 09-12-2007, 11:10 AM

Hopefully he can get lucky with the speeding tickets (as I did on the one I have received) and it won't hit the insurance.

I am also a business major, but last year wasn't exactly a cakewalk. My intro classes in calculus, biology, american studies, international studies, and so on were all fairly challenging. Especially because of my lack of interest in them. This year I am starting on business stats, accounting, economics, and some other intro business courses. My school is a top 15 B-school and I fully expect to have to get my MBA at some point, just like both my parents. If I use them as a model, I feel like I can be fairly successful.

Dueller · 09-12-2007, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

Does he think you're not gonna find out about the reduced course load? Don't you see the bills? Don't you see the report cards? How does he think he's hiding the 12 hrs. thing?

Oh young innocent Rick. You aren't aware of the federal law. Students have a righ to privacy and only they can authorize access to schoolrecords of any type regardless of who is paying the bills.

That being said the little schit accidentally left his password on his desk so unbeknownst to him I have total access.

Dueller · 09-12-2007, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gprsh924

Hopefully he can get lucky with the speeding tickets (as I did on the one I have received) and it won't hit the insurance.

I am also a business major, but last year wasn't exactly a cakewalk. My intro classes in calculus, biology, american studies, international studies, and so on were all fairly challenging. Especially because of my lack of interest in them. This year I am starting on business stats, accounting, economics, and some other intro business courses. My school is a top 15 B-school and I fully expect to have to get my MBA at some point, just like both my parents. If I use them as a model, I feel like I can be fairly successful.

No question Garrett. But you recognize to be competitive in the work force, especially landing entry level jobs, it will depend a lot on your grades, coursework and grad degrees.

If you were coming out of a small college with a mediocre GPA youi know your options would be limited.

Sounds like you are really serious and on the right track. Would you have honestly tried to pull this stunt on your parents? And if so, how would they react?

legion · 09-12-2007, 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1fastredsc

I actually didn't want to offend your step kid's choice in major, but there's a similar saying here for engineering dropouts. Matter of fact our course adviser would tell you "hey, look at the bright side, there's always the business college".

I was a business major. There were a lot of goof-offs--a lot of kids who were happy to get their "C" as long class time didn't cut into drinking time. I found that the more serious students were typically finance, accounting, or BIS (computer programming) majors. The less serious were typically business administration, international business, and marketing majors.

gprsh924 · 09-12-2007, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dueller

No question Garrett. But you recognize to be competitive in the work force, especially landing entry level jobs, it will depend a lot on your grades, coursework and grad degrees.

If you were coming out of a small college with a mediocre GPA youi know your options would be limited.

Sounds like you are really serious and on the right track. Would you have honestly tried to pull this stunt on your parents? And if so, how would they react?

That is true, and that is why I chose to go to a bigger, better school rather than playing soccer at a DIII school. EDIT: Legion, I am still undecided at this point, but I know I will be either a finance or accounting major.

I probably wouldn't have gone this far in terms of trying to pull something over on my parents because I know that they would eventually find out, because they always do. If they gave me a specific instruction, ultimatum, whatever, and then I disobeyed it, I would fully expect that there would be hell to pay. I'm not sure if thinks you won't find out about dropping the class, but there is almost no way you won't at some point.

I would say that there is a decent chance that he made the decision to drop the class without fully thinking through the repercussions it would have with you and no that he is sitting back he's kind of going "oh *****" what am I going to do now". I would say give him a chance this semester with the 12 hours, but he damn well better have a 3.0, if not a 3.2. Then next semester he has to take 17 or 18 hours to get back to a solid average. Lay it all on the line for him and be explicit, if he doesn't meet expectations, you are not paying (or whatever you decide is appropriate).

Also, there is likely a way that he can authorize you and your wife to have access to all of his financial and academic records through the university. My parents had me set up them with an account last year so that they can see everything anytime they want if the so choose. However, I am pretty sure that they have both forgotten the username/password, so I just give them the info they ask for. At some point, he will realize its not worth lying to you, because the disappointment you will have for him will be much greater than if had simply told you in the first place that he f*cked up. I know I have come to that point.

Seahawk · 09-12-2007, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gprsh924

If they gave me a specific instruction, ultimatum, whatever, and then I disobeyed it, I would fully expect that there would be hell to pay. I

Which is the best thing your parents could have hoped for, and the lesson I have tried (so far successfully) with my kids.

I bet your parents are very cool, no kidding...teaching responsibility takes diligence and confidence.

Dueller, take heed...the kid speaks volumes.

Dueller · 12:07 PM

You're probably right, Garrett. I can see him sitting there rtrying to figure out how to respond to my email without outright lying. I will give him credit that he is about as honest an 18 y.o. I've seen.

I guess the thing that really chaps my azz is that we discussed this and I specifically told him not to drop. To catch up and move forward. That if he was still behind after trying to catch up then we would revisit it in October before drop was closed. It wasn't the answer he wanted from me but he said he would try. And then 3 or 4 days later he unilaterally decides to drop without talking to his mom or dad. Much less me.

I guess he now figures its better to ask forgiveness than permission.

On another note...how strong are greek organizations at Miami? Is it that important there? What are your thoughts on joining a fraternity?

We are not the type to reneg on an agreement or promise with the kids. If we say we're gonna do something they can take it to the bank. We said we'd give him 2 semesters with the GPA/courseload proviso to prove he was serious. Since he has decided to unilaterally change the deal we can too. Its done but I think we need to up the ante on the GPA. Fair is fair. And life ain't.