Poor parenting methods; do you say anything?

[cantdrv55]

My wife and I ran into a couple we used to socialize with quite a bit. The meeting was a little uncomfortable because we never really explained why we stopped seeing them or letting our son hang out with their son. We just don't agree with their parenting methods and since we felt it was none of our business how they choose to raise their kid, we kept quiet.

They'd give their son a $200 monthly allowance on top of buying him pretty much what he asks for. As far as we can tell, the kid doesn't do anything to deserve it. He doesn't have any chores, he is a C or D student, plus he talks back to his parents constantly, even in public. The kid also told my son that he hates his dad with a passion.

Maybe I am old fashion but I feel no 17 y/o should have a free iPod, Blackberry, digital camera and $200 walking around money plus every gaming system in his room. No wonder the kid is a lazy, good for nothing bum. I bet he'll grow up to be a drain on society.

My son is OK with not socializing with the kid. He said they have grown apart anyway since he is into sports, gets good grades and is college bound. He works for everything he has, directly or indirectly. He has earned the 15 y/o car I bought for him through chores, etc. Plus I never have to remind him to be respectful of his elders.

Would you have told the other couple how you feel?

[Rick Lee]

I'm not a parent, but it seems to me you did the right thing. Short of cutting off all contact, I'd have just made sure the other kid and his folks saw how much more responsible your son is. Sometimes that kind of thing rubs off. And being around such kids isn't always all bad. It can serve as an example to your son of how to never behave. It's always interesting to see how those unruly, spoiled brats turn out as adults. Actually, some of them do ok and really do snap out of it all by themselves. Others are dependent on their folks forever and have a hard time keeping a job.

[Seahawk]

I think you did the right thing by not telling the other couple how you feel.
My wife and I have done the same thing.

[mikester]

Sounds right to me.

[stomachmonkey]

No matter how you presented it it would have created an issue.

My sis in laws Nanny told her about their good friends Nanny whose care giving methods were questionable.

Sis in law was concerned for the kids well being and told her friend what was going on.

The friends reaction was less than pleasant.

They are no longer friends.

Sis in law did the right thing by speaking up because the childs welfare was at risk.

In your case nothing would have benefited the situation so just let it go.

[cstreit]

Unless you think they'd respond "Gosh, you're right we ARE spoiling our son, thank you so much for your valuable input"... (riiiiight), there is really no point in saying anything, it would just piss them off and ruin the relationship anyway.

Your choice was to break away, or make sure your son knew the difference. I'm guessing that your son was raised smart enough to know the difference, so there must have been other reasons for breaking away too?

[svandamme]

telling parents that their kid is out of line and poorly parented

might as well don a KKK suit and go for a walk in Compton at night

same guaranteed result : trouble!

[Nathans_Dad]

You did the right thing. You don't want your child exposed to the bad influences, yet talking to the parents about your concerns would almost certainly go badly.

[Gogar]

My on-and-off SO of three years is a single mother of two. I learned after a while that one SURE WAY to guarantee a bad night or some kind of huge blow-up fight would be to criticize her parenting.

[Moses]

Originally Posted by cantdrv55

Maybe I am old fashion but I feel no 17 y/o should have a free iPod, Blackberry, digital camera and $200 walking around money plus every gaming system in his room. No wonder the kid is a lazy, good for nothing bum. I bet he'll grow up to be a drain on society.

One of my sons best friends just turned 16. He got a 2008 BMW Z4. This kid gets straight A's. No drugs or alcohol. Great kid. Just spoiled.

A kids possessions often say more about the parents than the kid.

Again, best to say nothing.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

There are two kinds of people in this world - those that bring you up and those that bring you down. It's your choice which to associate with. As a parent, you have to instill the values that your kid(s) will use to make that choice as well.

[HardDrive]

We have a problem like this with some of our best friends. Their 5 years old boy is a nasty little terror. He absolutley will not listen, and calls adults 'stupid' to their face.

The are into this whole 'love and logic' parenting, which is a complete failure. They need to investigate the far more effective, "I'm gonna light your little ass up like Christmas with my belt, then send you to your room you little *****" parenting.

[legion]

Originally Posted by HardDrive

We have a problem like this with some of our best friends. Their 5 years old boy is a nasty little terror. He absolutley will not listen, and calls adults 'stupid' to their face.

The are into this whole 'love and logic' parenting, which is a complete failure. They need to investigate the far more effective, "I'm gonna light your little ass up like Christmas with my belt, then send you to your room you little *****" parenting.

Friends of mine have two kids, 5 and 9, like that. The girl thinks it is okay to hit adults. The mother is very much into 'love and logic' parenting. The father believes in the belt. The kids respect the father, when he says stop, they stop. The mother tries to bargain (and fails). I will not go anywhere where I know the kids will be and the father won't be present.

The thing that really pisses me off is that if some coworkers and I meet the wife for lunch (and the father is not present), she will seat the kids at the other end of the table from herself, ignore the kids the whole meal, and they will be uncontrolled holy terrors. Whoever is sitting near them has to put up with them. She won't do a damn thing about the kids misbehaving, but will be quick to jump all over anyone who does.

[livi]

Parenthood is THE most difficult, comprehensive and intense project a person will take on. It is burdened with very powerful, primitive instincts and not taken lightly by anyone. Hence, lecturing a parent on their parental competence will hurt like nothing else and likely not proove successful unless the particular parents already have acknowledged a problem and actively seek help.

Even trying to mention it lightly, will often elicit a defensive reaction.

You did right in leaving it alone IMHO.

[cool_chick]

Oh hell ya you did the right thing leaving it alone. All they'll do is disregard it and resent you.



However, ever notice these people, when their kids hit the teen years, these parents whine and cry about the resultant behavior and how they "simply don't understand why they are acting this way..."....poor, poor parents...

Nuts.

[Dave L]

Growing up I was always provided what I needed when I needed it. If I needed clothes or shoes for school I got them, If I needed the car to get to a job I had it. What I didnt get was the blank check to do anything and everything I wanted. I worked my but off to buy a portable CD player ($400 at the time), I worked my but off to buy a new snowboard, I worked when I decided to wear Ralph Lauren clothes. I also invested money to save for my education. What I learned was that if I wanted something I had to work for it. I try to do the same with my kids.

You were certainly best to leave it alone, nothing good could have come from you suggesting a different way to parent.

[speeder]

You sound like an excellent parent, your kid(s) are lucky to have you.

[sammyg2]

Absolutely not for three reasons:
1) it's none of your darn business
2) They would not listen to you at all, but would react with anger. no good could come from it.
3) are you a perfect parent? If not your have no room to judge.

[911Rob]

Definately the 'right' thing........ good choice.

Now try raising teenage daughters!!!
My wife and I are experiencing tremendous success with our daughters.
Son is 23 and still no brain in his head?

We've had to 'drop' plenty of our friends because their daughters became undesirable companions for our girls. You can't instill a value system in a child of 13 - 15, it comes from years and years of efforts.

As for parenting other kids, my summer cabin is full of kids; often a dozen per day and sometimes more. I've taught my kids to be leaders amongst them and that all the stuff we have can be used as tools to witness our lives to others. Anyway, when kids come to my cabin for a day or longer they all know (including the parents) that I'm the DAD; I teach them constantly and so do my children. It gets a little taxing at times, so we had to put a limit for any visitors of max one week. We can take any situation for a week, but after that it gets too challenging, especially on my wife.

Ages of these kids is from 13 to 16. Mine are from Left are 1, 4 & 5.

Anyway, alot of my friends think I'm living a fairytale life and I'm just nieve; whatever? I know what I got and I got good kids. From your post, I'm sure you do too. Make sure you talk to your son about it...... he'll appreciate your love and care for him. How about a pic?

[Por_sha911]

To the question if you should you say something; it would be appropriate only if the other couple asked why you have distanced yourselves. Otherwise, each family has to make their own decisions as to how to raise the chilluns (and the subsequent results from their decisions).