Kept my job, but far more travel, how do you handle?

[Soterik]

Well, I kept my job for another week, the layoffs got a friend of mine, and now I've inherited most of his territory, AND, they have moved the job to NY.

What this means for me is that they want me to spend at least a half of the month in NY, and I'll probably have at least one side trip beyond that.

Travel has always been a part of my job, but never to this extent.

So to those of you who have families (I have 2 boys, 10 and 14) how do you handle this?

I thought about doing every other week in NY, but have recently thought of instead doing Tues through Thurs 3 weeks of the month. That way I can catch all the weekend stuff, and Friday night football games, scouts etc.

BTW, I live in Seattle, so it's not like it's just a quick jaunt into NY.

The only good part is that a friend who has a condo that is rarely used in NY is letting me borrow it when I'm in town. So at least I don't have to do hotels.

Thanks.
Eric

[tiwebber]

Having a place to leave your work clothes is a big bonus. I ususally spend 2 weeks in a month at a client site. I always leave for home friday mid-day to get home for supper. Weekends are always at home - this has been very important for me and my family (wife and son who is 6). I leave monday morning. I make up the hours that I travel by working late a few days. This i.s not mandatory but why not.

I dont mind the schedule. It suits me just fine. My wife is not thrilled but I am home over 2/3 of the time (counted in days).

[jyl]

Ooof.

Need a regular pad in NY. Extended-stay apartment, etc. Someplace to feel at home, cook, leave your stuff, etc. Living in hotels long term sucks and hard to eat well.

Set up a videochat with the family. Important to see faces every night.

If this is permanent, think about looking for another job - timing subject to realities of economy of course.

[Laneco]

Eric,

I did the east/west coast travel thing for about two years. We have two children who were 9 and 13 when it all started. I did not have the option of leaving my stuff on the east coast because I was at a different location every week.

Pack light - carry it is the only way. Weekends are gold, don't let anyone take them away from you.

Don't plan on doing this for very long. You eventually get to the point where your spouse and kids are going nuts, coming home feels like a doing wind sprints in a land mine field, you're exhausted and burned out all of the time.... The turning point comes when an on-coming 18 wheeler drifts into your lane and you decide you aren't going to move.

Fortunately for me, he did move. I found another job and left that one. The economy is tough right now, so you have to do whatever you must to get by. But don't plan on this as a long term employment strategy.

Jobs come and go. Your family and health are not replaceable.

angela

[Soterik]

All replies from the PNW so far! Kinda interesting, thanks!

I wish I could get my own place, but the other side of this is that the NY "dwelling" and food are on MY tab....company will pay for airfare. Truly not fair, but I've got very little room to move on this. So... the friend with the condo is almost my ownly alternative. Fortunately he's going to move some stuff out to make it partly "mine", he knows my family well and understands the circumstances.

Hadn't thought of the video conferencing, I'll get that set up....great idea, I know the kids will like the novelty for a while anyway.

I appreciate those that are there or who have been. The goal is to do this for 1.5 to 2 years....then switch jobs/careers. The big downside is that my job is typically only in NY (wholesale apparel), and I know very few regional reps left in my field.
That being said, I've started the hunt and reviving contacts.

tks,
Eric

[the]

Originally Posted by Soterik

So to those of you who have families (I have 2 boys, 10 and 14) how do you handle this?

I found another opportunity. That kind of "travel" (it's really more than travel, you are practically semi-permanently living somewhere else) became unacceptable to me as soon as my first child reached 3 years old or so. (I worked horrendous hours, worked like a dog, traveled, etc. before kids).

My family is far more important to me than any job or money. I realize you have to do what you have to do, and I'm not saying I would quit immediately, but I would start looking for a new job immediately.

It's a sucky situation. Even if it is "only" 2 years, your boys are going to miss you, and IMO it will make a difference in their life and in your relationship with them.

[rattlsnak]

I travel alot also. Im 7 on and 7 off. I go in on a Thursday and come home the following Wednesday. That way, I have at least 2 weekends a month at home. The difference with me, is when Im home, I'm OFF for 7 days. But everything that will happen, will happen when you're gone. (kids getting sick, broken arms, water main breaks, etc) So be prepared for that!

And are you saying, the company isnt paying for your hotels while in NY?

[Rick Lee]

I was planning on finding a second or part-time job this month until I found out I'll be taking a plane trip at least once a month now for my main job. Now I can't even get a second job, which I wanted just to have something in case the bottom falls out of this one. I don't even have kids and can't stand to be away from my wife for more than a day or two. On my deathbed I'm quite sure I'll not say I wish I had spent more time working and I hope I can say I spent every possible minute I could with my wife.

[the]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

On my deathbed I'm quite sure I'll not say I wish I had spent more time working and I hope I can say I spent every possible minute I could with my wife.

LOL, newlywed.

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by the

LOL, newlywed.

Ok, well the first part definitely stands.

[Jeff Higgins]

Darn Eric, that really stinks. My two boy are now 21 and 18, and I'm back to travelling a lot for work. Since they are older, it isn't that big of a deal for us, but yours are right there where father/son time is so important. About all I can say is to maximize your time with them when you can. These next few years go really, really fast.

Is there any way they can come along, like over spring break or summer vacation? That might be something they could get pretty excited about. That would be haigh adventure for a 14 and 10 year old, and may make it a bit easier for them. I dunno... just thinking out loud.

[pwd72s]

Eric, you're a talented and bright guy. Perhaps there is a need for your talent elsewhere? Reading Angela's post, I find nothing but good advice there. Good luck to you.

Angela? I'm glad that semi moved...

[imcarthur]

Good advice above. I have been traveling for business for decades & it is not an easy life. The hardest part to learn is that you have to listen. When you get home, wasted from typical travel abuse, you walk into a home where they have been cooped up. They will want to talk. They will want to tell you about their week, their successes, the weather, the dog puke they cleaned off the carpet etc etc etc. It is your job to listen - with particular attention to your spouse.

Now this might sound easy but it's not. They don't want to hear anything about your week. You have been the one 'out having fun'.

So my advice: shut up & listen.

Ian

[Soterik]

Originally Posted by rattlsnak

I travel alot also. Im 7 on and 7 off. I go in on a Thursday and come home the following Wednesday. That way, I have at least 2 weekends a month at home. The difference with me, is when Im home, I'm OFF for 7 days. But everything that will happen, will happen when you're gone. (kids getting sick, broken arms, water main breaks, etc) So be prepared for that!

And are you saying, the company isnt paying for your hotels while in NY?

I've been traveling enough in my career thus far that I know everything happens when I'm gone...

And correct, the are NOT paying hotels or food while in NY.

The option they gave me was take this "deal", or they would give me a severance package. So the loss of some income to hotels (rent $$ to my friend) at this point was better than complete loss of income.

Lot's of good advice.... and I know I'm going to be burning the candle at both ends to even remotely make this work.

On top of all of this my dad is 85, but thankfully in perfect health. We lost mom last April, and we're just starting to be able to get back to an even keel. I see dad virtually every dad as he owns the small business building that I have my office in.

At this point, I have no way out of trying to make this work for at least the short term. My wife's income fell to zero as she's a commercial mortgage broker, and hasn't been able to make a deal fly in 8 months...but she's encouraged by some recent deals she's been working on.

I've started immedietly to look at other opportunities in different kinds of sales, and have contacts in a lot of different industries.

Thanks for all the ideas and comments....helps solidify what I think I already know!

Oh, and Yes, I think we could work out the NY trip now and then, particularly in summer, as I do have mileage, and will be accumulating more!

Eric

[Seahawk]

Eric,

I had a long Navy career with two children. I also did what we in the Navy call, "geobach" (which means being a geographic bachelor) for 4 years. My kids are 14 and 16. You can do the math.

The most important thing to surviving the next one to two years is to make sure your children understand exactly why you have to be away. They are old enough to be told that dad has responsibilities that mean you will be separate from them for more time than you would like.

Tell them that you love them and let them know how much you'll regret missing some very important milestones in their lives.

Be upfront and honest and let them know that they are part of helping make this very important time in all your lives work. Engage them in the success of your family enterprise. Focus on success.

Once the job begins use the tools at your disposal to keep the communications strong:

- Take pictures (everybody) and send at least one email a week with said pics.
- Call twice a week minimum for a few minutes.
- Try and not crumble on the weekends...you'll be tired but you've got to rally.

Hope I didn't come across as preachy, but I've lived the dream and made some mistakes you shouldn't.

All the best.

[crustychief]

Originally Posted by Seahawk

Eric,

I had a long Navy career with two children. I also did what we in the Navy call, "geobach" (which means being a geographic bachelor) for 4 years. My kids are 14 and 16. You can do the math.

The most important thing to surviving the next one to two years is to make sure your children understand exactly why you have to be away. They are old enough to be told that dad has responsibilities that mean you will be separate from them for more time than you would like.

Tell them that you love them and let them know how much you'll regret missing some very important milestones in their lives.

Be upfront and honest and let them know that they are part of helping make this very important time in all your lives work. Engage them in the success of your family enterprise. Focus on success.


Once the job begins use the tools at your disposal to keep the communications strong:

- Take pictures (everybody) and send at least one email a week with said pics.
- Call twice a week minimum for a few minutes.
- Try and not crumble on the weekends...you'll be tired but you've got to rally.

Hope I didn't come across as preachy, but I've lived the dream and made some mistakes you shouldn't.

All the best.

+ eleventy billion. Even the Navy gives awards and praises the family members for their sacrifices in this respect.

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by Soterik

Well, I kept my job for another week, the layoffs got a friend of mine, and now I've inherited most of his territory, AND, they have moved the job to NY.....
Thanks.
Eric

Not Noah U's territory/spot? I hope.

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by Soterik

!

Oh, and Yes, I think we could work out the NY trip now and then, particularly in summer, as I do have mileage, and will be accumulating more!

Eric

Set a travel schedule so you can back end. Will save you a lot of cash.

[campbellcj]

I am living the insane ~75% road-warrior life right now. I've traveled a fair amount in the last 20 years but the last couple have gotten more extreme. The above advice is all good stuff. I always come home for the weekend, even if it's only for 18 hours. I call home every night, esp. now that my 7 year old son is willing and able to talk on the phone more than before. (He even texts me sometimes on Mom's iPhone.)

In addition to maintaining strong family ties and quality-time when at home, I find it is crucial to pay attention to your own sanity. It's way too easy to just work continuously when you're on the road. I try to check out the local sights, or at least go out and see a movie or something once in a while. (I just went to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway museum earlier today.) Also it is critical to eat and sleep well, and watch the booze, or else burnout and health issues become an even bigger risk.

My role pertains to a small family business so I really have no option other than to build the business and train a team to the point where they can replace me in most of the traveling roles. I have made headway on "replacing" myself lately, but it is challenging due to the high learning-curve and long-term customer relationships we deal with. I'm very well compensated and the travel is either reimbursed thru the business or by customers, so thankfully I don't have to worry about the finance angle too much.

Sounds like your only options are to either deal with the crappy situation, or move on, both of which are tough choices -- good luck!

[flatbutt]

I used to do NJ to London twice a month when my kids were small. Away from home is not easy and no solution save to suck it up. Having a crash pad is awesome, as it gives you a "personal" space rather than a hotel. And that enables you to travel with only carry on luggage. That in itself will make a huge difference. Keep those weekends to yourself. Maybe get the company to bring the family out to NY once every two months.