My mom just died yesterday - Page 5

KarlCarrera · 02-27-2009, 06:10 PM

So very sorry for your loss. Prayers to you and family. What to say..

Karl

Wickd89 · 02-27-2009, 07:38 PM

Armon.
God bless you and your family.
It was her time to go, and she left a loving family.

Prayers to you..

Hebrewhomeboy · 02-27-2009, 07:56 PM

Thanks again for all the kind words guys. Today was a pretty good day, we stayed nice and busy, which helps a TON. We went to the funeral home and planned the viewing (even got a casket with a pink lining, since that was her favorite color) and chilled on my brother's front porch with friends. We're at the point now where we realize that she's gone, we all miss her terribly and can't believe she's gone, but she is gone. We're remembering all the good things, joking about all her funny quirky moments, and trying to be happy. We all know she wouldn't want us to mourn too much, she would want us to be happy, so we're trying our best. Every day gets easier.

I'm building a myspace page in memory of her. It's not much, but it's something to do, and it's helping me get through this, seeing all these great pictures of mom.

Thanks again guys. Love you all.

KFC911 · 02-27-2009, 08:02 PM

Armon, we are all pulling for you through this ordeal...be well and take care!!!

9dreizig · 02-27-2009, 08:11 PM

Armon,
My condolenses,,
Having had two suicides in my family in three days this last fall I know a bit about what you are going through..
A couple of words of advice,,
YES get some councelling ,, also I highly recommend joining a suicide survivors support group ( there are many), they have tremendously helped my brother as well as my ex wife.
Also there's a suicide survivors group on Facebook..
My thoughts are with you buddy... PM me anytime

Jim Bremner · 02-27-2009, 10:14 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I could help you, Jim

speeder · speeder's Garage

I haven't been online much the last couple days and just saw this now, what a terrible tragedy. You are such a good young man, it comes shining through in your writing here and your generous service to our country. I don't know why bad things sometimes happen to good people like your family, it's just one of the unsolvable mysteries of life.

She must have been in some kind of unimaginable pain to give up the life she had, I've gone through the suicide of a very loved friend at a young age and the emotions are strong and conflicting. I will never stop questioning whether there was anything I could have done to prevent it but the experts tell me that is a normal thought and it's not true. (That I have/had the power to change fate). Of course I'm mad at him for leaving, loved that kid so much. He was my best friend's little brother, 19 y.o. at the time. It's been 26 years and it still hurts to think about but life has gone on.

Please make us your extended family, there are a lot of good people here that care about you and feel that we know you simply from your writing. We will support you and never let you down if you let us, I promise you. Stay strong and lean on us, plus talk to someone in person like a trusted CO or chaplain/Rabbi. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

pwd72s · 02-27-2009, 10:38 PM

Armon, I'm saddened for you and your family. All I can offer is that his hurts. Given time, it will still hurt, but less. Other posters said it well, the Pelican "family" supports you.

rudderboost · 02-27-2009, 11:46 PM

Praying for you guys.

aap1966 · aap1966's Garage

I'm sorry mate.

Oh Haha · 02-28-2009, 06:16 AM

You know guys, the joke out there is that porsche owners are self-centered pricks.

This outpouring of support for Armon's family is just a small dose of what a great community we have here at Pelican. I am proud to be a Porsche owner and a Pelican.

Again, hang in there Armon and take the time you have been given by Uncle Sam to support your brother and Dad BUT be sure to stay in touch with them after you go back to service.

What I found was that after the turmoil of the whole event itself wore away was when things got tough for me.

if there is anything we could do to help you keep communication open I'm certain we can get it done.

Hebrewhomeboy · 02-28-2009, 06:20 AM

Can't really talk to a rabbi. Cremation is very against typical jewish beliefs, and when we told my mom's old rabbi that she wanted to be cremated, he started giving us the 9th degree about how cremation is like throwing the soul in the trash, at which point my brother damn near strangled him. He said since she doesn't get a traditional jewish funeral, he can't be involved in it, so we basically washed our hands of him. I respect that he practices what he preaches and is standing his ground, because he wants what he believes is right for my mom, but mom's last wish is what she'll get, no matter what, and he basically wants us to ignore mom's last wish. We aren't down with that. My chaplain from my unit has called me and I chatted with him, but what's helping most is that I've been with my older brother and dad 24/7 since the incident happened. We've had friends around us the entire time also. Staying busy is helping time go by quicker, which is helping us get through the grieving process.

All's going as well as can be, I guess. We're staying positive and surrounding ourselves with family and friends. The viewing service is on Monday, which will be rough, but it will be good to see mom at peace and say some nice things about her.

Hebrewhomeboy · 02-28-2009, 06:25 AM

And I guess one of the positive aspects of this is that I'm closer than ever to my brother and dad. We've always been a tight-knit family, now we are even more. And no worries about the sleeping pills, I'm just taking one a night to make sure I sleep. I hate getting that "sleeping pill hangover" feeling in the morning though. When I get back to Hawaii I'm going to try some form of grief counselling, although I'm not really expecting the Army counseller to be that great (I'm not a big fan of Army medical services). But I think what's working best for me is being here with my family.

Also, we've kinda decided to close my mom's bedroom door and lock it, and in a few years when the three of us are all here again, we'll open it back up and start sorting out and donating her clothes and shoes and purses. Man, that woman had enough clothes to fully outfit a dozen women!

Tim Hancock · 02-28-2009, 06:30 AM

So sorry to hear this..... Stay strong.

Doug E · 02-28-2009, 07:06 AM

Sorry for your loss ... way to go on staying strong and positive.

azasadny · azasadny's Garage

I'm so sorry, you and your family are in my prayers...

Hebrewhomeboy · 02-28-2009, 10:48 PM

Well, it's been about four days now. We were literally surrounded by good friends all day today, which made time fly by and kept us up. I've noticed my dad kinda going quiet every once in a while, and I know his mind is wandering back to mom, so when I see that I always try to start up a conversation about cars or something, so he doesn't break down or get too sad. Today has definitely been the best day for us all. My older brother is doing great and has come to peace with everything... But I have the feeling when his bedroom door is closed and he's alone, he breaks down also. The other day we had to go into mom's room to pick out an outfit for her to wear at the viewing, and some jewelry... Within about 4 seconds of walking in I had to turn around and rush out, and starting crying like a baby. It was just too much, being in there. I went back in a few minutes later with my dad and brother and was much better, but man it's still hard. I'm almost dreading the viewing and funeral service thing on monday morning... I know I need to see her laying there peacefully and beautiful so I can have that image replace the one that's still haunting me, the one of her dead with dried blood running from her nose, and I know that will help... I'm coming to terms with the fact that my mom was in a lot of pain, more than we knew, and she made the decision to end her life. That's what she wanted, and I'm okay with that now. But man, I don't know if I can take seeing her in a casket, at peace or not. I just feel... Dead.

I also feel angry. Like raw, black, deep rooted anger. I've never been a violent person in my life, but man I am on edge. Thankfully everyone has said nothing but very positive things about her, that she's a wonderful woman etc etc. Honestly I think if someone were to disrespect my mom or her memory in any way within earshot of my dad, brother and I, the three of us would literally kill that person with our bare hands. I know it will fade with time, but I'm young and have young friends, and I know young people tend to talk, even when you tell them to shut their mouths and not spread rumors. The first person that I find out is blabbing to his/her friends "oh did you hear, Armon's mom shot herself"... I don't know what I'll do or how far I'll go. I don't know if I'll be able to control myself. Just the very thought of anyone even remotely putting a smudge on my mom's memory fills me with murderous black hatred and anger. I know mom wouldn't want me to do anything, but then again she was a stubborn woman that would to the death defend the things she loved the most. Basically, her family, the military, Judaism, and animals. And yet I feel almost guilty, because I know mom would NEVER want us to be angry like this, especially me as the "calm" one of the family, and I know she would feel horrible if she could know that her passing put her youngest on edge this much. Ugh, I need therapy.

VroomGrrl · 02-28-2009, 10:54 PM

Dear Armon, I've been thinking about you and hoping all is well. I just lost my father this past May and hardly a day goes by that I don't feel like I've been socked in the gut, it still really hurts a lot. It's good that you recognize the angry feelings brewing near the surface. Maybe you can take yourself for a good run, or just throw yourself into whatever kind of physical activity is your go-to thing. Got a heavy bag? Go at it! Big feelings work havoc on your body chemistry, so clearing some of that out with good sweat will do wonders for your body and spirit. The next few days will be tough, but with the love and support of those around you, you will get through it. Take care of yourself! Kathy

KFC911 · 02-28-2009, 11:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hebrewhomeboy

.... But man, I don't know if I can take seeing her in a casket, at peace or not. I just feel... Dead.

I also feel angry. Like raw, black, deep rooted anger. I've never been a violent person in my life, but man I am on edge.

....Ugh, I need therapy.

Sounds to me as if you are perfectly normal, and sorting through raw emotions like most well grounded people would Armon. You know, I don't like viewings either, and sometimes will only take a quick glance. My grandmother passed a few months ago, and I was kneeling next to her hospital bed as she fought for her last breaths near the end. My dad suggested that I take one last glance before her funeral so "that" wouldn't be my last memory of her, so I did. Still, I don't linger on those last two times...I remember when she was vibrant and had the "look of love" radiating from her eyes, and you can do the same with your mom I'm sure. Do find someone to talk to in order to sort through these emotions after your family goes seperate ways. It's a healthy thing to do imo considering your circumstances...be well!!!

speeder · speeder's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hebrewhomeboy

I also feel angry. Like raw, black, deep rooted anger. I've never been a violent person in my life, but man I am on edge. Thankfully everyone has said nothing but very positive things about her, that she's a wonderful woman etc etc. Honestly I think if someone were to disrespect my mom or her memory in any way within earshot of my dad, brother and I, the three of us would literally kill that person with our bare hands. I know it will fade with time, but I'm young and have young friends, and I know young people tend to talk, even when you tell them to shut their mouths and not spread rumors. The first person that I find out is blabbing to his/her friends "oh did you hear, Armon's mom shot herself"... I don't know what I'll do or how far I'll go. I don't know if I'll be able to control myself. Just the very thought of anyone even remotely putting a smudge on my mom's memory fills me with murderous black hatred and anger.

I would try not to think about what random people not close to you say to each other. For better or worse it is human nature to talk about and try to make sense of tragic events. You are understandably very upset and traumatized right now and the last thing you need is to think about things that will upset you more. You need the opposite, you need peace right now and it's a fleeting thing. Plus, I doubt that anyone would disrespect your Mom or family at a time like this, I'd try not to even think about that. Just concerned for you, strangers and random people don't matter.