When did you know it was over in a relationship?

[Gogar]

Originally Posted by BSiple

College represents a whole 'nother can o worms. From what I have read, I think those girls are going to have a rough ride.

Bll

Au contraire, Bill. They're eighteen, each of them has a cute boyfriend, each of whom come from wealthy parents. They have a new-found lack of money-trouble. Their mom just left "That abusive a-hole" (girl talk, Jim - I know it's not the truth.) And, they're H.O.T. It's the American dream, they could easily coast pretty much indefinitely, at least through a few generous divorce settlements.

Okay, that's mean. I'm really sorry, Jim, for all your troubles. These problems are things that are supposed to happen to idiots like me, not the smart stable guys.

[Rick Lee]

I predict starter marriages for each of those daughters.

[911boost]

Not to go too far off topic on this one Jeremy, but I need to start a thread with pictures of me riding the Elsinore...

Bill

[ruf-porsche]

Originally Posted by cgarr

Maintaining a large home day to day and all the chores can be handled by an outside service, that's what I keep telling my wife, if your tired of all that stuff hire someone to come in and do it.

But make sure you get a young cute one.

[911Rob]

just chiming in for a quick browse, no time to read everything posted.
Sorry to hear about your situation Due.
Sincerely hope it gets better for you.

I say; figure out what YOU want and focus on that. Can't make or change other people.
I also can't help you with the backdoor, I'm outa here excuse; I don't believe in them, period.

I think you just love those girls so much that you sincerely wish you were the dad. Ain't ever gonna happen; so you'll just have to settle for being their moms husband.

[Danimal16]

Originally Posted by Dueller

Don't mean to resurrect this soap opera, but before everybody starts wringing their hands over my potential financial devastation in a divorce be assured I am thoroughly safe on that front for a variety of reasons. Regardless of whether we work on a healthy relationship or parture, that side will be simple and uncontentious.

But don't let me stop you guys from sharing your horror stories.

I'd still have Gus, my golden retriever if she and her boyfriend had not hid him from me and then put him down. How's that for a horror story?

[red-beard]

Originally Posted by imcarthur

Now that should be a whole 'nother thread:

How I Got F*cked in my Divorce

Ian

Twice

and then afterward

and still slept with her again, a couple of times

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by Danimal16

I'd still have Gus, my golden retriever if she and her boyfriend had not hid him from me and then put him down. How's that for a horror story?

Consider yourself lucky to be rid of a woman that cruel...Gus laid down his life for you, for the "crimes" your ex thought you were guilty of. Damn, this goes against every rule of decency.

[imcarthur]

Originally Posted by red-beard

and still slept with her again, a couple of times

You should know better by now . . .

Ian

[red-beard]

Originally Posted by imcarthur

You should know better by now . . .

Ian

I think so, but sometimes I can be stupid.

[island_dude]

I have been lurking here taking in the whole story. A couple of things occur to me:
She has been away for a while and is still angry at you and she is saying she is afraid of you. To me this is a source of concern. My Soon to be ex would work hard to deliberately get me to blow my top and then say things like this. I have friends who complained about it to me. No matter what happens you will need to avoid responding to her. I am not saying its deliberate, but its an obvious source of badness.

If she is rejecting any advice you are offering about living arrangements, she is either gone or acting like she can't trust you. That is not a good sign. Regardless of how this works out you need to reestablish her level of trust (if possible). It will make it all go better.

I agree with the comments about her wanting to be the 18 year old again. She sounds a lot like she is living her life vicariously through the girls. You may have your anger issues, but she is feeling like she wants to have that adventure again. I know the feeling. I recall seeing my nephew and his friends graduating. There they are, young at their peak physically scoring all these hot girls and having a whole life ahead of them. I started to get the bug a little while I was hanging around. I wouldn't doubt she is feeling a bit of that.

You did it with class. You sent the flowers you talk to her. Work on yourself, but only for yourself. She will have to make the next move, but don't let that control your destiny. You deserve to have your own enjoyment.

Good luck. I wish you well. I can't say if you are better off without her or with. From what I can tell, you have been a class act.

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by red-beard

Twice

and then afterward

and still slept with her again, a couple of times

He he, I know about that.

[ruf-porsche]

Originally Posted by imcarthur

You should know better by now . . .

Ian

Originally Posted by red-beard

I think so, but sometimes I can be stupid.

That's what happens when the little brain between the legs is running the show instead of the big brain between the shoulders.

[Schrup]

I hope everything turns out well for you Dueller. Be wary of bad counselors, my wife & I went to one. My biggest problem had to do with her gambling, he basiclly gave her a free pass. Later I found out he is seen at the casino regularly. I've had friends that were blindsided by a manhater & the sessions were heavily biased toward the wife. A bad counselor can do more harm than good.

[red-beard]

Originally Posted by ruf-porsche

That's what happens when the little brain between the legs is running the show instead of the big brain between the shoulders.

Yeah, alcohol consumption aids this...But it was a long time a go...

[Rick V]

Originally Posted by the

For some reason I thought you were married for much longer than 3 years. 3 years . . . you should still be well in the "honeymoon phase," the fact that you have spent the last 4 months "improving" a 3 year marriage is a little troubling, because I will assume you had at least a few bad months prior to that which needed improvement. So, at least to this 20 year veteran, your marriage has basically been rocky from the start.

Same here but add about 8 more years.
I had to skip reading the last few pages because it is dredging up too many things that I have worked too hard to squash in myself, if this is a repeat please just ignore me (like my wife does).
I stayed in an unhappy marriage because of my kids, from the standpoint of my kids, it was a good thing because they were never going to get any structure from mom.
I had just a few easy rules in the house that were never followed because mom had always been there to step in and cause friction.
No food/drinks in your rooms
no smoking in the house (my own rule that I stick to, I freeze my butt off in winter time to go outside and slowly kill myself)
anytime I would bristle up and start to lay down the law, I was met with interference from the one person in the house that was supposed to be on my side and help me teach our kids how to follow simple rules, yanno the lessons that are learned in the nest that will carry you through life.
Well my kids are all grown up, and we are left with an almost empty nest.
Here is the part that pertains to the subject at hand. Jim even after the girls are off to school, your wife will not change. The friction at home that seems to be ignited by the girls is simply the way your wife is, the girls are just the trigger for her attitude.
If you can, within yourself over look her behavior and be okay within yourself you will be okay. If not you will be like me, a bitter person.
I used to have a very bad temper, it was horrible, that has passed. I just don't care enough anymore to get riled up. That is the only thing I have gotten out of the situation that has some parallels to yours.
I wish you the best, I hope it works out for you in a way that is good for all concerned. The only person you should be asking questions to about your relationship is the fellow who you see every morning while you are shaving, since in the end that is the only person who matters.

[slow&rusty]

When a woman's love for her man is gone, it will NEVER return.

Start thinking about moving on w\ your life.

Yasin

[jhynesrockmtn]

I stayed in an unhappy marriage because of my kids, from the standpoint of my kids, it was a good thing because they were never going to get any structure from mom.

I did this until the kids were 14 and 16 although their Mom was always good from a structure and discipline perspective. I just had this stereotype in my head of a weekend dad that I never wanted to be.

I freeze my butt off in winter time to go outside and slowly kill myself)

You should stop doing that

I used to have a very bad temper, it was horrible, that has passed.

My bad temper, unhappy self went away after we split up, after I got out of that cold and insensitive situation and finally knew the truth of our relationship. It helped to get some counseling as well. But I found this relief valve, this glass is half full outlook and things that used to rile me up roll off my back now.

It's never too late to be happy.

[Joeaksa]

Originally Posted by red-beard

Twice

and then afterward

and still slept with her again, a couple of times

You too? My ex- kept coming over for 6 months after the divorce, saying the sex was too good to give up. I finally kicked her rear out and she married a good friend of mine. It was time to move on and could not do that with her around.

[9dreizig]

Dueller, been thinking about your situation and just got the revalation that you've only been married 3 yrs..
I've got to believe as stated above, she's not coming back. Things get worked out under the same roof not living apart. Especially since you are in theory in the "honeymoon stage" You probably should start preparing yourself to move on..