Probably the best advice given here...

Well, if I was on that jury I would hold anything against you. For anything you have written. But these things are decided by judges I imagine.

Sorry to hear about this turn of events. It does not sound good.

Not to be negative, but that insurance money opened up a lot of options for the three of them. Yes, take care of you. Living well is a good plan.

I've quietly read this, and all I can add is that my spidey senses have gotten increasingly nervous about it. I think, as others have said, she is being female about her handling of this and is 'leaving a door open' as a feminine method of 'letting you down easy'. Also, the recent history of suddenly improved relations can actually mean something more dark was goign on. Tread very carefully.

Man what a read. Dueller I am indeed sorry to hear of your troubles. Just from what you've posted MHO is that she is gone brother. Maybe you'll work it out this time but it'll likely happen again. Hide the car and all of your good stuff. But mostly lawyer up and get your issues in order. At the very least you'll be better equipped to handle what may be coming. If you're not growing you may be dying.

How could anything said here be used against him? For what?

You would be surprised. Even his admisssion to having anger issues could be brought up.

I expect that Jim's wife is not the type that will want anything, financially. But sometimes, like my 2nd wife, they want to make a mess of things in court, just to see how destructive they can be. Even though SHE was the one who wanted out. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, even if she was the one who did the scorning to begin with...

She gets more money from him if she can show he has anger issues?

I wouldn't be surprised.

If he is made out to look like a bad guy, by using edited excerpts from here, he could look unsympathetic to a judge. When I went to get my ex-wife's alimony shut off, she had been re-married for 5 months. I wanted her to return the money starting from after re-marriage. 5 months at $300 per month. She didn't need the money, she was re-married. Judge brushed that off. At least I was able to shut down the Alimony...

The judge brushed it off because he thought you were a "bad guy?" Your financial obligations depended on what the judge thought of you as a person?

That seems odd. Those issues don't seem to have any relationship. I can't even imagine what that law would look like or how it would be written.

Glad I've never been divorced.

This is exactly the kind of behavior you get from judges who put "empathy" above the law.

There have been dozens of cases of men ordered to pay child support for children that were proven not to be theirs because they had the means.

Heck, there was even a case a few years ago of a woman who invented a child and had her ex-husband paying child support for a kid that never existed.

There are lots of cases of judges forcing men to pay alimony more as "punishment" than because there is a need.

Good thing Jim knows where to find a good lawyer....

Don't mean to resurrect this soap opera, but before everybody starts wringing their hands over my potential financial devastation in a divorce be assured I am thoroughly safe on that front for a variety of reasons. Regardless of whether we work on a healthy relationship or parture, that side will be simple and uncontentious.

But don't let me stop you guys from sharing your horror stories.:D

Now that should be a whole 'nother thread:

How I Got F*cked in my Divorce

Ian

So, how did you talk her into that pre-nup?

No pre-nup....just judicious placement of assets by both of us with full knowledge upfront. Plus we don't live in Kaliforn-I-A;)

To get back to the topic of this thread: "When did you know it was over in a relationship?"

I think you know now for yours, unfortunately. This will be tough short term, but I truly believe you will be happier in the long run.

Best,

George

' appreciate your honesty, George. Your comments (and all the others) have been very cathartic. Understandably, we tend to try to project, speculate, etc as to another person's motives in such a situation. And it drives you nuts when you're in the middle. But at the end of the day, you just have to trudge through it and let things unfold without trying to guess what is going on behind the scenes.

That being said, I'm trying to live in the moment and take things as they come comfortable that what ever happens in the end I'll be just fine.

Bummer, but sounds like for you well being, this is going down the correct path. Time to pull the reserve and bail.

College represents a whole 'nother can o worms. From what I have read, I think those girls are going to have a rough ride.

Bll

So very, very true. My ex-wife's family and I are very good friends. The Mother in Law still asks me over for dinner when I am in town. My ex's brother is a good friend and they are in touch every month or two even though they all live in Berlin Germany.

He always asks what car or motorcycle I am driving now. Finally told him about the airplane as well. His girlfriend (of 20 years) told me last time we talked that the Brother always tells my ex- about how things are going with me.

It seems that now my ex- really does not want to hear about me anymore as she was tired of hearing how well things were going. She is still living in a rented apartment, driving a 12 year old car. Doctors in Germany are not paid that much and it seems that she still has a problem with buying shoes, handbags, sunglasses and watches and cannot afford a house or newer car. I put up with her carnivorous spending habits for 11 years...

Living well is very good revenge, and best when served cold as ice. I hope she is as happy as I am.

Joe A

Au contraire, Bill. They're eighteen, each of them has a cute boyfriend, each of whom come from wealthy parents. They have a new-found lack of money-trouble. Their mom just left "That abusive a-hole" (girl talk, Jim - I know it's not the truth.) And, they're H.O.T. It's the American dream, they could easily coast pretty much indefinitely, at least through a few generous divorce settlements.

Okay, that's mean. I'm really sorry, Jim, for all your troubles. These problems are things that are supposed to happen to idiots like me, not the smart stable guys.

I predict starter marriages for each of those daughters.

Not to go too far off topic on this one Jeremy, but I need to start a thread with pictures of me riding the Elsinore...

Bill

But make sure you get a young cute one.

just chiming in for a quick browse, no time to read everything posted.
Sorry to hear about your situation Due.
Sincerely hope it gets better for you.

I say; figure out what YOU want and focus on that. Can't make or change other people.
I also can't help you with the backdoor, I'm outa here excuse; I don't believe in them, period.

I think you just love those girls so much that you sincerely wish you were the dad. Ain't ever gonna happen; so you'll just have to settle for being their moms husband.

I'd still have Gus, my golden retriever if she and her boyfriend had not hid him from me and then put him down. How's that for a horror story?;)

Twice SmileWavy

and then afterward :eek:

and still slept with her again, a couple of times :rolleyes:

Consider yourself lucky to be rid of a woman that cruel...Gus laid down his life for you, for the "crimes" your ex thought you were guilty of. Damn, this goes against every rule of decency.

You should know better by now . . . ;)

Ian

I think so, but sometimes I can be stupid. :p

I have been lurking here taking in the whole story. A couple of things occur to me:
She has been away for a while and is still angry at you and she is saying she is afraid of you. To me this is a source of concern. My Soon to be ex would work hard to deliberately get me to blow my top and then say things like this. I have friends who complained about it to me. No matter what happens you will need to avoid responding to her. I am not saying its deliberate, but its an obvious source of badness.

If she is rejecting any advice you are offering about living arrangements, she is either gone or acting like she can't trust you. That is not a good sign. Regardless of how this works out you need to reestablish her level of trust (if possible). It will make it all go better.

I agree with the comments about her wanting to be the 18 year old again. She sounds a lot like she is living her life vicariously through the girls. You may have your anger issues, but she is feeling like she wants to have that adventure again. I know the feeling. I recall seeing my nephew and his friends graduating. There they are, young at their peak physically scoring all these hot girls and having a whole life ahead of them. I started to get the bug a little while I was hanging around. I wouldn't doubt she is feeling a bit of that.

You did it with class. You sent the flowers you talk to her. Work on yourself, but only for yourself. She will have to make the next move, but don't let that control your destiny. You deserve to have your own enjoyment.

Good luck. I wish you well. I can't say if you are better off without her or with. From what I can tell, you have been a class act.

He he, I know about that. ;)

That's what happens when the little brain between the legs is running the show instead of the big brain between the shoulders.

I hope everything turns out well for you Dueller. Be wary of bad counselors, my wife & I went to one. My biggest problem had to do with her gambling, he basiclly gave her a free pass. Later I found out he is seen at the casino regularly. I've had friends that were blindsided by a manhater & the sessions were heavily biased toward the wife. A bad counselor can do more harm than good.

Yeah, alcohol consumption aids this...But it was a long time a go...

Same here but add about 8 more years.
I had to skip reading the last few pages because it is dredging up too many things that I have worked too hard to squash in myself, if this is a repeat please just ignore me (like my wife does).
I stayed in an unhappy marriage because of my kids, from the standpoint of my kids, it was a good thing because they were never going to get any structure from mom.
I had just a few easy rules in the house that were never followed because mom had always been there to step in and cause friction.
No food/drinks in your rooms
no smoking in the house (my own rule that I stick to, I freeze my butt off in winter time to go outside and slowly kill myself)
anytime I would bristle up and start to lay down the law, I was met with interference from the one person in the house that was supposed to be on my side and help me teach our kids how to follow simple rules, yanno the lessons that are learned in the nest that will carry you through life.
Well my kids are all grown up, and we are left with an almost empty nest.
Here is the part that pertains to the subject at hand. Jim even after the girls are off to school, your wife will not change. The friction at home that seems to be ignited by the girls is simply the way your wife is, the girls are just the trigger for her attitude.
If you can, within yourself over look her behavior and be okay within yourself you will be okay. If not you will be like me, a bitter person.
I used to have a very bad temper, it was horrible, that has passed. I just don't care enough anymore to get riled up. That is the only thing I have gotten out of the situation that has some parallels to yours.
I wish you the best, I hope it works out for you in a way that is good for all concerned. The only person you should be asking questions to about your relationship is the fellow who you see every morning while you are shaving, since in the end that is the only person who matters.

When a woman's love for her man is gone, it will NEVER return.

Start thinking about moving on w\ your life.

Yasin

I did this until the kids were 14 and 16 although their Mom was always good from a structure and discipline perspective. I just had this stereotype in my head of a weekend dad that I never wanted to be.

You should stop doing that;)

My bad temper, unhappy self went away after we split up, after I got out of that cold and insensitive situation and finally knew the truth of our relationship. It helped to get some counseling as well. But I found this relief valve, this glass is half full outlook and things that used to rile me up roll off my back now.

It's never too late to be happy.

You too? My ex- kept coming over for 6 months after the divorce, saying the sex was too good to give up. I finally kicked her rear out and she married a good friend of mine. It was time to move on and could not do that with her around.

Dueller, been thinking about your situation and just got the revalation that you've only been married 3 yrs..
I've got to believe as stated above, she's not coming back. Things get worked out under the same roof not living apart. Especially since you are in theory in the "honeymoon stage" You probably should start preparing yourself to move on..