ive been in the exact same spot. your deduction is correct. you could always offer to sleep on the couch and see how she responds but i think its a safe assumption she expects you to be in the bed with her. she wants to come there, and you allowed her to come there, and there is 1 bed...this could only mean 1 thing. unless she just wants to be your girl buddy who sleeps in your bed with you

having a tv with dvd player in the bedroom helps make the transition from being in the kitchen to being in the bed, a little smoother. get some movies.

No one else serious in her life right now...


There is one other guy who I think is my parallel. She has known him her entire life and I don't know their history but I know they are really good friends. They are not romantically involved and from what I can tell never have been. Sounds just like my position but worse. The difference is that guy is dating other women. I'm not right now.

She has stated in the past that she's never been into relationships. I know a few guys this chick has slept with, so she's definitely DTF... but not into 'relationships'. Yet we aren't boinking. So either she finds me unattractive, which is highly unlikely (I'm not bragging here, but I get hit on regularly at bars and have no problem getting attractive women..) or she's been waiting this out like I have..


I'm playing this to win it.

Schumi, your relationship with this woman sounds just like the one I had with my wife. We both worked at the Attorney General's Office. Played sports together, hung out, she didn't drink so she was always the designated driver when we went to parties. Hell I dated half the women in the office at the time we were friends. Then one day the attraction just seemed to get stronger, like in your case. Then five years after we met, what started out as getting together to go somewhere turned into a date. Two years later we got married. We have now been married 12 years and I think being best friends before getting married has really helped.

Wow Kurt... that's us. She rarely drinks (I drink heavily) when we are together at parties and is always the DD. She thinks it's more fun like that. I've dated a few of her friends. None of those ended too badly.


So lest we not lose sight of my original post and purpose here:

I really do think that this girl has all the attributes of being my wife. Seriously. I've mentioned "my first wife" before, that was a different woman, that didn't end well after several years and that's why I refer to her as "the first wife" - we were never married however, although it seemed like it.

I've been with a lot of women before but none of them stood out like this one as far as her character and the 'what's on the inside that matters' attractiveness to me.

That's the stakes here. If this was just another girl I wanted to do the business to, I'd be all over it by now I think.

Schumi at the end of that first date I kissed her as she was dropping me off (she drove). I didn't hear from her for two days after that and I feared I had misinterpreted things and stepped over the line. Then she invites me over to watch a movie. I went over there and she gives me a big kiss. I asked what happened over the last two days. She just told me she wanted to give it a lot of thought and was worried about ruining our friendship. Decided this was a good move and jumped in with both feet!

Man I just had a thought:



This has turned into a 'Sniper' thread. All we need are some bad pictures of myself and lesbians.

And I just performed my famous Diet Coke out the nose trick!

Sniper......does she have lots of sparkly tats?:p

Just be honest with the girl and yourself. You'll never be happy with her as just a friend, so the entire "ruining a friendship" is irrelevant. If you really think she is the one, then it's more than worth the risk. I've spent seven years with my best friend, I can't imagine life without her.

As a side-note, my sister-in-law was best friends with her current boyfriend. He eventually confessed to her that he wanted more, or they wouldn't be able to spend time together. After over a month of not speaking, she finally realized how much she missed him in her life. They've been seriously dating for several years now, and I'll be shocked if they don't end up married. Sometimes the risk pays off.

I thought within 3 dates I'd marry my wife; I wasn't sure but I had a gut feeling. There was a month between the 1st and 2nd date. The second date was when she took me to the Supercross! Then, before things got serious, we decided to just be friends and share her house with another friend of mine. Then things got serious, my friend moved out, and the rest is history.

We've been together for 16 years and I hadn't dated any girl for more than a couple months before meeting my wife. And yes, she can drink as much as me and she drives a standard :D

What is wrong with young people today?

Get her out of the "friend zone" and into the "lover zone" already!

I sometimes think Seinfeld fecked up an entire generation.

Second page and no photos yet?

sounds like you just need to make the first move. Good luck to you. She sounds great!

So where's the pics?

I think she sounds great and things sound like they are ready for you to give a push in the right direction.

Personally, I would not post pics. Its one thing for sniper to post pics of the latest skanky porno lesbian he wants to boast about. But if this girl is potentially "the one", I wouldn't make her a public spectacle.

Sounds like a solid start to me... good luck!

I spent almost ten years of my life persuing one woman. I dated other women during this time, but we were close friends and the friendship seemed to get quasi-romantic when one or both of us were single. (Going to movies and dinner, cuddling while watching movies, back rubs.) I was in the same spot you were many times with this girl.

Ultimately, we never really "broke" the friend barrier (though there were some skirmishes across the border). We drifted apart as my relationship with my now-wife got more serious. The last time I saw her, she expressed regret about never going for a real relationship with me. (Which is when I realized I needed to drift away from her if my at-the-time future marriage was going to work.)

I don't regret it. It was always pretty much bad timing, and I had a fear of rejection. (She had turned me down twice early on.) Oh, and her family was/is bat$h!t crazy and I wouldn't have been able to deal with them.

I guess my point is not to wait too long, or you will find that it is too late.

Might be a good idea to tell her that she is someone of 'interest' to you and that you have developed some great feelings for her. You respect her very much as well as being attracted to her in the bibical sense. Ask her if she is comfortable in taking the relationship to the next level which includes intamacy and possable future long term plans than you will carve out a place for her stuff in the bathroom and opt for a few draws in your bedroom. If that is not the direction she is interested in then her friendship is still cherished.

You really gotta post some pics of the two of you!

I think you need to just tell her that.

She'll either respond by tear your clothes off, or not.

But you'll know.

Yeah, I agree.

Next time you find yourself in that situation (mesmerized), tell her.

You're worrying too much.

She obviously likes you too, so you gotta go for it.

Otherwise you're going to waste a lot of time thinking about it,

and she's going to move on when you don't do anything.



If you go for it and it doesn't work out, it's better to know now than later anyway.

There's no such thing as the one.