Separation as a tool to save a marriage...your experiences?

[Danimal16]

Originally Posted by Dueller

Yah...but think how much it must suck for the gal.

Yep! Ya go me there! But now you are understanding my golden retriever rule. I get a good dog, works for me, works for the dog and works for every woman on the face of the earth!

Say, sounds like it is moving in a positive direction. Keep your eyes open and keep us posted, this place is worse than the enquirer.

[Joeaksa]

Great news! Keep us in the loop... when you come up for air that is!

[Dueller]

I don't want to sound overly optimistic, but things have gone swimmingly of late. I attribute much of our "progress" on a number of factors, not the least of which is my attitude towards the stepdtrs...in essence I have completely backed down on being involved with decisons regarding them and registering my disagreement with decisions wife makes with regard to them. In hindsight this is probably what I should have been doing all along. It would have preserved my personal sanity and likely would have not put wife in a position to feel the need to deceive me when it came to their issues/actions/behavior. My anger levels have subsided to non-existent.

Other factors include getting wife on some meds to control hormone rage, cutting back her hours at work, her adjusting and seeing positive sides to an empty nest (i.e., happy the kids are starting their own life, more time for "us" to do things we enjoy together, visits with kids, though less frequent, are more of a special event rather than day to day mundane encounters, etc.), and the fact that at the end of the day she really seems to value our relationship...something I think she realized during the separation.

As the great Zen Master wisely observed: "We shall see."

[jhynesrockmtn]

Good news and best of luck.

My fiance and I are seeing a couples therapist now working out step parenting issues before we get married. Reading your posts has heightened my interest in dealing with this now vs. later. She has been increasingly armchair quarterbacking my parenting and relationships with my teens (17 and 19) and I've had enough of it. We'll either work through it now or decide not to continue the relationship.

[Rick Lee]

I'm only two years into married life. But I'd say, if you're in counseling before you're even married, then that's a problem. You know the old saying - if it bothers you while you're dating, it will drive you insane once you're married. Very true.

[mossguy]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

I'm only two years into married life. But I'd say, if you're in counseling before you're even married, then that's a problem. You know the old saying - if it bothers you while you're dating, it will drive you insane once you're married. Very true.

...unless you take care of it first!

Best,
Tom

[ruf-porsche]

I think it's time to shut down this thread.

Good Luck Jim

[Oh Haha]

Jim,
Sorry but your wrong about what is working, my friend.

It's all the great advice and emotional support your Pelican buddies gave you through the events.

We're here for ya!!!!













obviously j/k

Good luck with everything. I wish you guys the best.

[Dueller]

Well that lasted almost a year to the day

[mossguy]

Explain, please.

Thanks,
Tom

[mossguy]

deleted

[Laneco]

Originally Posted by Dueller

Well that lasted almost a year to the day

Oh no!!! Dueller - you ok?

angela

[stomachmonkey]

Bummer.

Sorry.

[Joeaksa]

Originally Posted by Dueller

Well that lasted almost a year to the day

Let me guess... the twins are now heading off to college again and the wife erupted again?

[Rot 911]

Sorry to hear that Jim. Hope you get a handle on things.

[Dueller]

*Sigh*

First I'm OK...dreading the process, but OK.

Bottom line is wife wants to have more time to hang out with her drinking friends usually without me along rather than spend time with me alone. Girls nite out once a week has turned into inviting friends along on our date night. Kids are not really involved in this mess...were able to work thru some ground rules that were tolerable by all.

After a rolling weekend long argument that escalated despite my attempts to diffuse (and subsequently losing my temper). On wednesday morning I went to her and apologized for the argument escalating and that I valued the relationship and wanted to work thru it. She had nothing to say. When I returned home she was gone. Apparently is getting an apartment with one of her dtrs that has decided to attend local community college rather than go back to university.



On the plus side I've got some stuff to keep me busy and out of bars...lotsa parts to start slapping on old red 911.

[McLovin]

Originally Posted by McLovin

Sorry about your troubles, but it's not gonna work.

The relation either never really was (that is my strong suspicion based on your posts, for a variety of reasons) or has been so damaged that you can never go back to what once was.

"War's over, man. Wormer dropped the big one."

Sorry to bring back the post from July 2009, but . . .

Anyways, sorry to hear about it. But really, to an outsider with a perspective that you can't have (being so close), this was inevitable.

You've posted a lot about you and the situation (and about you in general). You are a good person who has been used by this woman for a long time. Truly sorry to say that, but you need to look out for yourself and move on.

[Dueller]

Originally Posted by McLovin

Sorry to bring back the post from July 2009, but . . .

Anyways, sorry to hear about it. But really, to an outsider with a perspective that you can't have (being so close), this was inevitable.

You've posted a lot about you and the situation (and about you in general). You are a good person who has been used by this woman for a long time. Truly sorry to say that, but you need to look out for yourself and move on.

Wow...gloating and support in the same post.

Thanks for your support, McLov.

[UconnTim97]

Sorry things didn't work out as you had hoped. It seems as you tried as hard as you could.

Keep busy with the 911 and hopefully things will be as easy as possible.

[Dueller]

Anybody wanna come down south for a suspension rebuild/fg body panel clinic on a DE project?