Nice & sunny in Atlanta this morning after a boomer storm late last night. Watch for the troopers on 20 after B'ham - as usual. I am heading to Hartsfield in 30 minutes going home. Enjoy yourself, Jim.

I met a dealer at a $12.5M house in Buckhead yesterday. Interesting to see how the other half lives. 421 Blackland

Ian

Great way to spend a few hours, take your time and try to let it soak in.

Dueller,

Quick question, did she marry young or have the kids young? It certainly sounds like she's trying to make up for a missed youth.

Without going into the details her children did not live with her from the time they were 3-4 until she and I married and they were 14-16. A fact not lost on me.:eek:

sorry it didn't work out..
upside...

you have about 100 days to organize our next Christmas games..
as you recall..
I need detailed directions ...
no more using breadcrumbs to mark the trail for me the next...:D

Rika

Trainwreck doesn't begin to describe this trip. No amount of money in the world could get me on such a trip. Relish the schadenfreude even if you never hear the stories.

Rec'd a text: "We will need to come by Sun to pack our things"

In all honesty most of the furnishings were mine before mariage. Much of the stuff wee acquired are of little significance monetarily or emotionally.

Pondering a response....right now doing nothing.

Response: You lost the right to re-enter the house when you left. Give me an address and I will have everything boxed up and delivered to you.

Who's "our?" She and the twins and you and her? Time to stash your valuables with your closest friend, maybe sell for $1.

sadly Angela is to far..
she would assist them by tossing the stuff out the upstair window..
her reasoning I'm sure would be..
quicker,saves wear and tear on the carpet..
and when she calls for another beer..
best you run..

Rika

IMO she didn't change at all. She knew exactly what she was doing from the day she met Jim, got exactly what she wanted and is just proceeding as planned (or if not exactly as planned, very close to it).

As far as what to do with their stuff, I wouldn't make a big deal about it. I'd let them come and get it, but I'd box up their stuff in advance and put it in the garage to make the pickup as quick as possible.

If there is a dispute as to what is or isn't theirs, I'd just give it to them, it's likely just fairly worthless crap anyways. You've already been taken for a ride big time, there's no use fighting over the crumbs. That'll just cause needless aggravation. She's won, get over it and move on as quickly as possible.

Sorry to see this, Jim. I wish you all the luck a good guy like you deserves.



McL has a good point. The timing of your separation was pretty close to when the kids left for college right?

Some tidbits of good advice, McL. Particularly keeping in mind its just stuff. Taken?...mehhhhh...I had some fun along the way. I got to be a positive influence on a boy becoming a young man. Nobody can take away the feeling of sitting next to him in a tree stand when he shot his first deer. Or teaching him to ride a motorcycle. Or going with him to buy his first suit. yadadadada.

Just another chapter. She's won? Hmmmm...maybe in a way in the short run but where's she gonna be in 10 years when I'm enjoying the spoils of my life? Likely slinging liquor in a little pub at age 61...once a barmaid, always a barmaid. But in all honesty it wouldn't bother me if she was happy...infact I hope she finds what she's looking for if she ever figures it out. I gave it a shot. Her loss.

I notice that there is some truth in all of this. First of all, you are reaching out. This is a form of communication and that is the key. Love: You must both have a degree of this for the marriage to work. Firstly, if you can talk, identify any long or longer-term goals you have in common. Then ask what it is that you are afraid of sharing with one another that keeps the communication from being open and honest. If there is something that isn't said and is hidden, will this just cause another explosive argument? If this is more likely than not, counseling is in order to attempt to open up real communication. It is better than just separating. Once in a blue moon, counseling by one will lead to counseling for both, but ultimately you both have to want to increase communication and relinquish the power/control aspect. zioo

Be prepared to let her have whatever doesn't bother you - no matter who bought it.

Have someone else there when she shows up. There must be a referee.

Move any of your important small things elsewhere (for instance with me it would be my basses).

Learn from this and move on. The whole thing with the kids not living with her for 10+ years was/is a sign. My first ex-wife's mom did that with her. She was an amazing woman, but profoundly screwed up.

Sorry to hear it ended this way Jim. Good luck with moving on and "turning the page". You're a good guy...be well!

Jim, it sounds like you are approacing this with the correct attitude, which I am gald to read.

My father in law calls all of the stuff he has "just molecules", except his spoons and pocket knives.

Bill

I agree 100%. It will not end very well for her. Ultimately, he daughters will move on and start their own families, essentially leaving her behind (that's just normal).

Your ex-wife, who from what I recall from pictures you've posted, was highly "marketable" at age 45, is going to be a lot less marketable at 55, and almost completely unmarketable at 60.

But I don't think it'll end horribly. While her past doesn't give much indication that she is a terrific decision maker, she does appear to be fairly crafty and a "survivor" type.

I was thinking about you last weekend...Jack and I went for a ride around the "Neck" on his bike and mine, the one I bought from you. The other farmers in the area don't mind us driving the crop "lines" as long as we're reasonable.

About an hour total...I want my joints back:cool:

BTW, no one took advantage of anyone. Jim just had a run in with Faulkner.

If you ever get close to DC and I hear about it...it would be best you stop by;)

Some pics: White bike on the right was Jims.

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1282937810.jpg

Gratuitous shot of Jack's Tacoma, which I bought new. He loves it.

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1282937933.jpg

Be well.

Agree with a post by red beard who said ignore texts. She wants to come by, she should have the moxie to call you and set up a time that is convenient for YOU. Not to be a dick about it, but you need some control. And totally agree with either boxing and garaging of having a 3rd party there at the time.

Or both.

Jim, if you know a Sherrif/Cop, etc, it would be a good idea to have them as the third party...

I've been thinking about this. Boxing things up might seem a little harsh. Having a cop over at the time would really be over the top, especially in uniform. I know Jim has to be professional about all of this, but I'm sure he'd like as little drama as possible. Like they say in boxing, a clean break.

In the interest of civility, I think I'd ask the ex if she'd like some things delivered as a gesture of willingness to be civil, yet as a gesture to say yeah, this stuff is going away and out of my house and out of my life.

The ex hasn't seen that formality and closure yet. The point of it will hit home on both sides come whenever this happens.

I'd say taking inventory and agreeing in advance as to what will be removed is essential. The 3rd party is not there to police anything, just to observe should things not go as planned.

Also included in the plan should be who is to show up at the appointed time. I hope the ex is not planning to have some of the regulars at her bar to come out and help. This whole event has to be as non personal as humanly possible.

Have to say I agree with Kurt about boxing the things up and sending them to her. Last thing he needs are three woman in the house going separate directions picking at everything. They lost that right when they left.

As for the LE/Sheriff, if there is anything that they insist on coming back for or over for, have LE there as a buffer. The other option is not a good one and one that Jim does not want to get into.

Sorry to hear about all this Jim.

Why don't you do as others have suggested and have certain items in storage, or loaned or sold to a good friend for their useage.

MY RESPONSE TO TEXT WAS "sURE. wHAT TIME?" A few personal items are in storage. Other than that, a buddy and I will be in the garage fitting new front bumper on my 911. No need to go thru stuff bit by bit...its just stuff.

have no clue whether she's packing everything once and for all or is just getting what basics she needs to set up her apt or what. I will not be assisting packing/loading etc. There is a method to my madness.

Jim, I don't remember if you posted anything about whether you've changed the locks, but...

1. She has posted here before, so I assume she knows how to get here and read stuff.
2. You posted that you are headed to ATL... assuming you are there now.
3. If she assumes you won't be returning until late Sat. or sometime Sun., if you haven't changed the locks, she could show up before you get back and "remove more than is reasonable."
4. From what I can remember from everything you've said about her, she's probably not the type to do that. Just sayin.' Might be good to keep in mind she could morph into someone more "unreasonable" at some point.

Sorry to hear this crap is happening to you. Be sure to let me know if you find yourself headed up our way... guest bedroom is yours if you need it.

Almost everything physical can be replaced. Not that easily sometimes, but it can be.

Get the memorabilia and extreme valuables to a safe location, then sleep easy at night. The more important thing is to make the process done with quickly, and to a new starting point...the better for both of you.

Whenever I heard $50K wedding ring, I cringe at a year or two's salary and work-effort which could disapear down the pool drain. But at the moment, nothing was ever so important.

LOL...no 50K wedding ring. Don't know where that came from.

Back from roAD trip to Atlanta and visit to Barber. Great time. Will post pics tomorrow.

Nothing gone.

Maybe someone was confusing you with motion? Was there a flower shop involved?

Well, T minus 3 hours. Will be interesting to see what's going down.

Please, please, please! Do not be the only one at the house when they come.

If you are going to disregard our advise to not even let them in the house, if you are alone there you are just asking for problems. Find one, two or more friends to be there and stay with them at all times, do not ever be alone with any one of the girls at anytime.

Sound advice Joe. Is it really that bad Jim?? :(

You know I really don't know what's in her head. But I'm OK with that. To the extent I am a control freak (all lawyers are;)), I have finally given up on trying to get the positive outcomes I desire by my influence on others. And letting go is a big part of what I need to work on in my intimate relationships to find my own balance. Know what? That is a heavy burden lifted from my shoulders. Its become apparent to me as big as my heart is I keep setting myself up for disappointment when people don't live up to my expectations/needs rather than just accepting them for who they are and having the courage to decide that somethings aren't just worth the effort.

A friend will likely be here when they arrive. I plan on no interaction other than a civil greeting. I will probably leave once they start packing. I'm comfortable with this game plan and have consulted close friends who know us both as well as two independent attorneys. All agree on my plans.

You'll do the right thing Jim and are a better man because of it. Being positive, this is also a learning experience and you are working on a 'fault' of yours. You're making the best out of a very difficult experience. My divorce was horrible and it went as smooth as possible.
We are all here for you.

+1. Good luck Jim. Take the high road, know you "did good by them (both the "ex" and the step-children"), hold your head high and move on. Love sometimes hurts like hell, but that's life. It's just "stuff" she's coming to retrieve...life's to short to sweat it imo. Based upon your posts over the years, I perceive your "ex" (and ALL of her family, her mother & kids) to be of "sound character" despite the minor stuff (lies) and don't think you have anything to worry about today. Be well...

Jim, you appear to be one of the better guys here on this board. I'm sure you have seen some of the worst outcomes in a situation such as this through your work. please hide anything you value that is solely yours, if there is to be any direct contact please have a witness, keep the contact to a minimum and no drinking. I know you know all of this but a refresher never hurt.
Best of luck (we know you don't need it)

Well, that went better than anyone could have expected.

I was in shower...she knocked on door. Stuck my head out and said "Hey. I'll be out of your way in a sec" All she wants to get is some clothes, toiletries, and bed for dtr. Talked briefly and amicably about some bills that are coming due middle of next month. Ended with a mutual hug. Meh...we shall see.

when you said "shower" for some reason Psycho came to mind :p

Be prepared for a roller-coaster. Try to disengage from the emotional part of it if you can. I suspect that this could be a boomerang thing...

If you had a client in this situation - what would you instruct them to do at this point?

Probably as I am doing now. Nothing. Civil. Take care of yourself. But no contact unless absolutely necessary. And by necessary I mean somebody's head is on fire. Or the dog died. And then as little as possible.

I'm not trying to be manipulative here, but I can assure you my spouse (and her support group) have no clue what's going on as my past behavior has been to try to jump in and address issues, solve our problems, talk it out, etc.

Let me put away my macho mask and tell you what I do know:
a. I love my wife with all her flaws and she loves me despite mine
b. Neither of us know whether too much damage has been done to salvage it
c. Neither of us know whether its even worth salvaging
d. My wife doesn't really know what she wants
e. My wife is more affected by menopause than she will admit
f. I need this time to find the part of me that was lost along the way steppin' and fetchin' and putting everybody else's happiness above mine
g. One of my biggest problems I have to work on is to stop setting myself up for disappointment
h. A man needs a woman like a fish needs a bicycle
i. I have a wonderfully diverse support group of friends here in pelican and in my real world
j. My wife's support group consists of 3 female co-worker drinking buddies with bizarrely screwed up marriages and twin 19 y.o. dtrs
k. I have no clue what the future holds but I will figure out what to do about this and will be fine
l. My wife has never addressed deep seated guilt issues re: not having her children with her til we married; she resents the fact I was largely the catalyst for them coming to live with us after our marriage. Now that they are "grown" she may think I'm disposable
m. My stepson and I continue to have a good relationship but I may be biased because he thinks his mother and sisters are idiots in the way they treated me
n. I am faced with insurmountable opportunities