found a better shot of a 928 with those speedline replics

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a60...PICT0070-1.jpg

So good.

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Ok fellas, need to vent for two seconds and then I will shut up. Ex is driving me nuts. I have tried everything to work with him and on the most part he's been really good, especially with the boys. But I don't know. Something's going on. I think he is really getting down that he is unemployed. He got laid off the week before me but has severance pay exactly the same as his pay when he was employed until the end of March. Financially he is good until then. But like I mentioned before, if he runs out of money, I don't know what to do but let him move back in. Today he was supposed to pick up the boys. He forgot when I specifically called him yesterday night to remind him to take my son to his lesson. He texts me today at 615 pm asking me if he was supposed to pick up the boys. Now mind you, their after-school care closes at 630 pm. He forgot to take my son to his lesson as well. Seriously, WTH? I could understand if he was working. At least I could somehow see that he could forget???? But he isn't working. My fear is that he is drinking again. I picked up the boys and everything is fine with them.

I want him to move back in because I can keep my eye on him. But it's a catch 22. What if this enables him to go back to drinking and stay unemployed for even longer? When I went to Alanon meetings (AA for the family members of an alcoholic), it is usually said that we are enablers. There is always this constant stress and worry over them. I am tired. I always feel like I am taking care of him... Even when he isn't my husband anymore. I stayed on the phone with him today for half an hour, trying to give him a pep talk and he texted me tonight at midnight asking why I didn't call him again. I was busy giving the boys a bath, feeding them, doing homework. We have 50/50 right now but sometimes I wonder if it would just be easier to cut all ties. I don't want to do it... For both the boys and him but I am so tired. He always had me, but I never had him or anybody else to rely on.

Thanks for "listening". I have never wanted to take the boys away from him. He is their father. But it is exhausting for me. Sometimes he is more work and stress than my boys. :( I am just tired.

That's a tough position. Yes, you would be an enabler if you let him move back in. I do understand why you would want to let him move back in, but in the long run, it'll be very unhealthy for all of you. In the end, he is the one that needs to take control of his life. No one else can do it for him. The harsh reality, it may be better if you do "cut" all ties. If he can turn things around, you can always let him back into your kids lives.

Tough position to be in. I wish you well. :)

Thanks, Dave. It's a constant struggle for me. Personally, I am more concerned about the boys. I want to do the right thing for them. He is a grown man, he needs to take care of himself. I was so scared to get a divorce... Didn't want to mess up my kids. But finally decided it was for the best. I feel like having their father in their lives is the best. But now, don't know. It would break my boys hearts not to see him. That's their Dad. And it would break his heart too. He loves them too. But he doesn't cope with things very well. He told me tonight I was stronger than him. I told him that I wasn't. I am only strong because I HAVE to be. For our boys.

Ok. Enough of the pity party. Time to go to sleep so I can wake up and make the doughnuts....

Thanks, Dave for listening. It helped.

Your ex has not hit rock bottom yet. I hate to say it, but if your kids are with him if he has been drinking and then driving them around...

I understand your kids would be crushed if they could not see their father. It's going to be hard, but the threat of 100% custody and no visitation may be the ultimate ultimatum. If he wants to be the best dad he can, he'll think hard and really try to turn around for his kids.

Sorry to be so blunt.

Good luck, Thuy.

Dave

Nope, not blunt. Nothing that the therapist hasn't said already. :)

And by the way, I don't know for sure if he is drinking again. I ask the boys every time I pick them up and they don't see him drinking. My oldest is 7 and a half. He would tell me. The ex always did it late at night. So he could sleep it off by morning in order to get to work. Not working gives him the reason and time to drink again.

You do have a couple of spies. :)

Morning Y'all
Voice of experience here a drunk will find a way to get what he wants. The people who enable that behavior can not change that fact and the only way it will change is just like Dave said, rock bottom. Although once someone hits rock bottom, it doesn't mean they will change. They can always just lay there on their back and decide not to do anything. You really have no power in the decision for someone to stop drinking. only they can flip that switch.
If you can prove 100% he is drinking, you are going to have to close the door on him and your boys will just have to be upset for a while. I have no sympathy for someone who will not help themselves and that kind of treatment will show hos true worth.

Morning, Rick.

Howdy Dave.

Holy crap. I don't think Dave and I combined could pull that off for that long. :D

I hope not!

Time to go play in that S crap

Your existing wheels look better than the Speedlines.

Azzy, I wish I could offer you suggestions to resolve the phone bill issue, but it looks like you're already doing the right things. I do hope it turns out well for you.

Tweeze, I think Rick and Dave nailed it. My father was an alcoholic, and it eventually killed him. The whole time it was rough on the entire family.

Tweeze, my step father is an alcoholic, he ruined his first marriage, got separated from his kids after his divorce. He always got to work, he always drank only beer, from the time he got home until the time he went to bed, he would go out to the local Pub, sit at the end of the bar and just drink beer until they threw him out, and his wife came and got him. He was a depressed drunk, and it took until after his divorce and the separation from his kids, to make him realize that he had to admit he needed help.

By the time my Mum got involved with him, he had started to go to AA, he cleaned up, although he is still a compulsive drinker, it is coke and soft drink, he drinks gallons of the stuff. he is the local AA president, works all the time for the Salvation Army now that he has retired, my Mum runs the alanon meetings and is a Salvation Army Captain, with the whole tambourine etc, quite funny could never have got her into a church before, lol.

Anyway, I know exactly what you are going through, over the years he fell of the wagon a couple of times, only when under extreme stress, but AA always helped him pull through it, He has not drunk anything alcoholic now for probably 30 years, but he knows the threat is always there and he has to be strong. Maybe your husband needs to go and talk to them again, they have professionals within their organisation who can be his crutch not you.

Dont put your kids through his problems again, its tough, but a drunk Dad and his problems which are essentially magnified by his drinking, are not their problem, and are no role model for them to aspire to.

My sister was living with a drunk and drug addict for 20 something years, and her kids are a bunch of useless arseholes, the only one who is any good left home at 12 because he couldn't stand the home life and the beatings from his father. That young man has just finished University in Tassie, with a double degree in engineering and Architecture, absolutely fantastic kid. Not having his drunk father around didn't do him any harm at all. The other 4 kids, I wouldn't bother feeding. When I say other kids, they range from 22 down to 15, and none of them finished high school, the two younger ones decided at 12 they didn't want to go to school anymore, they are useless. Don't let your kids be influenced by a drunk.

My two cents worth.

And on a happy (sorry Rick) note, its snowing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I nearly had my feet come out from under me 3 times during my walk to the office. IMO, s*** sucks.

Jeeze tweeze, I'm sorry. If you were here I'd give you a big hug......in a strictly friendly sort of way.......the situation sucks, don't let him suck you back in and don't let him negatively influence your kids. Everyone will thank you for it in the future and apparently, since the world didn't explode dec 21, we're gonna be here a while