Any reluctant fathers out there?

[Noah930]

My $0.02: Best thing in the world. Your life will be totally different and changed (some for good and some for bad), but my kids are the most fun thing in the world, IMO. But I also realize that it's not for everyone. Unfortunately there are some parents who don't realize the same thing, or realize it too late.

[Pazuzu]

We're both 36, I don't particularly want any, she's not so sure, but we've decided (at least I think we have...) that we are at the age when we will not so it. It would be 2 years of prepping and changing our lives, jobs and health before we could consider it, and neither of us will have a kid at age 38. Too risky for the kid.
Now, if my brother would just get on with having kids himself, then I'd be a fin, upstanding uncle.

[LWJ]

This is a question that only you can answer. Me? I wasn't so sure. My wife? No kids? No wife! She made it clear, that we WOULD have children. I considered the options and now we have three.

Regrets? Nope. They are fantastic. Truely the reason that I get up in the morning and go to work. Loud? Yes. Obnoxious? Yes. Do I love them with every fiber of my body? Yes. Do I yell at them? Yes.

I personally think most babies are ugly and don't care much for most other peoples kids. In fact, my wife's best friends kids particularly bug me. My kids? Fabulous.

The question that I like to ask is "what will your life look like should you live to your 80's" Will your actions have enhanced your travel or made you a bitter old person? Children or not, you need to live with your decisions. Both are fine.
Good luck.
Larry

[DonDavis]

I just LOVE it when some grumpy old ASS that openly admits disliking kids thumps their chest and says "This is how you do it. And your kids suck!" Then goes on to add the "world is screwed because of your kids".

You can't pay for that kind of insight. Gold, I tell you.

Just sayin'

[mikester]

Will, I think I was the the same way - I wouldn't call that reluctant. I was willing to do it but apprehensive since I did not know what 'it' really was.

I had my first at 31 and I too am irritated that I didn't start earlier and have more. I have 2 boys now and they are the best things that have ever happened to me next to my wife.

They are endlessly frustrating but I wouldn't change anything.

[911Freak]

Originally Posted by willtel

I'm just trying to get my head strait on this and want a little advice. I'm in my mid thirties and got married to a fantastic woman about a year ago. I knew when I popped the question that she wanted children but I have always been a little ambivalent about the thought of having children. I understand what it means to my wife so I'm willing to give it a shot but I will admit I am nervous about it. I've heard people say that they don't like any children but their own but this isn't really something you can test the waters on, it is all or nothing.

Was anyone else in a similar situation to myself that now has children? How did it work out for you?

I'm right in it with you as well.....

Just about to turn 40, already raised a child from another relationship (she is 18) and just got married last May... Like your situation, I knew my wife wanted a family and that most likely included us having a child together.... I would have been fine without another child. however, as I love my wife and in a healthy way put "us" above "me", together we are stronger then apart, and she waited a long time to get married, has a good paying professional career, her priorities are straight, is financially stable, and most importantly I know she'll be a great mother...

So, after a our wedding we started to "try". She thought being 40 it would take a while...well it didn't, my swimmers are Olympic quality
Now we are in our 4th month of pregnancy and there nerves are creeping into my head... But having been through this before I just remind myself; I knew what I was getting into, I married an amazing woman, we are blessed to be stable in this economy etc.

I basically tell myself to be strong and remember who I'm fighting for when the anxiety comes, she is counting on me.

It will all work out, keeping a positive mental attitude is paramount to keeping our family headed in the best direction for us.

It's natural to have anxiety when expecting such a big change, but with a strong and healthy marriage, together we will succeed.

I expect you will too.

Stay focused, allow yourself "moments", but don't dwell on them. Look at your beautiful wife and remember you are both in this together, she is counting on you and your strength through this life changing event it can be a blessing if you allow it to be. Remember the glue that will keep it together is the love and forgiveness you have for each other.

I also found talking openly with her on the subject helped a lot. I discovered I wasn't the only one who had reservations.

Sorry for being long winded

[Schumi]

Originally Posted by cstreit

That is one awesome photo.

I wanna have kids so I have competition to kart against.

[Noah930]

Originally Posted by LWJ

Regrets? Nope. They are fantastic. Truely the reason that I get up in the morning and go to work.

That good, huh?

[widebody911]

Whatever happened to "HebrewHomeBoy"?

[Noah930]

Too busy changing diapers to post.

[coolngroovy]

Have two.......you can race them!

[HardDrive]

Best thing that ever happened in my life. Changes you as a person, almost certainly for the better. Challenging and at times exhausting? Sure. But a tremendous source of joy, laughter and love.

[porsche4life]

Originally Posted by Schumi

That is one awesome photo.

I wanna have kids so I have competition to kart against.

Prep a pair of karts and I'll meet you halfway...



I am mixed whether or not I will have kids when I settle down. It will be a while though... I love kids always have.... Problem is I am not sure I want to bring another life into such an unstable world....

[notfarnow]

Married in '05, but we wanted to wait until we had a kid... wanted everything to be PERFECT. My wife went back to school and got a new job. We paid down debt. Did work on the house. I got a promotion and a raise. We were ready! When she was pregnant last fall, we had everything all planned out... I was even approved at work to take 4months of parental leave.

And then I got laid off in February. Took the real estate course, got licensed 2 days before my daughter was born. Working 70+ hours a week to make a "go" of it while feeding and changing diapers all through the night. I get traction and start selling houses, and start getting commissions "banked" for the winter

Then the real estate company I work for folds, I lose the commissions and have to start from scratch in August. So, I start working 80+hrs a week to make up for the losses. Meanwhile my daughter is starting on solid foods, laughs every time I come in the room, and all she knows is that she is loved and lives in a happy home.

It's been a crazy 6 months. It's been tough as hell, actually. But ask me if I'd change anything...

[The Gaijin]

There was a thread recently about high school reunions - and I said something about how many of my peers grew up to be "better people". Most of that, I think is because most of them are parents.

[Christien]

Wow, Jake, is she ever cute! I had that exact same bowl when I was his age

[berettafan]

Originally Posted by The Gaijin

There was a thread recently about high school reunions - and I said something about how many of my peers grew up to be "better people". Most of that, I think is because most of them are parents.

i think you are right.

[rnln]

Few years ago, I had similar feeling when I got married. Then similar feeling about having baby. I am not the type who want to be single all my life but always feel not ready before I hit it, but I am ok now. Actually, happy. You'll be ok. Hey, think about your boy sits on your driver's seat, holds your steering wheel, and asks you to teach him to drive when he grow up

[JeremyD]

The only thing I am reluctant about is when he waxes me on video games.

Baby making sex is the best - you have that whole new level of danger, importance, joy and fear all rolled into one.

[Christien]

Originally Posted by JeremyD

Baby making sex is the best - you have that whole new level of danger, importance, joy and fear all rolled into one.

+ a million! Too bad it doesn't last very long, and it'll be the last you'll have for months!