My buddy got caught cheating, justifiable, or is he a dirtbag??

[M.D. Holloway]

Its not the frequency its the amplitude! Actually, he just isn't into his baby momma and really how can ya blame a guy for stepp'n out if he isn't in to her any more?

There is a reason why partners stray. Typically men do it for the sex and women do it for the love...not always but thats the norm.

While it would hurt to have my lover have sex with another and it wasn't me I know the only reasons was is that I wasn't satisfying her enough either between the legs or between the ears. Its my fault she strayed not hers...

[LakeCleElum]

I was thinking this was a new thread till I saw the Post from "Danny Ocean" and looked at the date. What ever happened to Danny?

[craigster59]

Originally Posted by LakeCleElum

I was thinking this was a new thread till I saw the Post from "Danny Ocean" and looked at the date. What ever happened to Danny?

He and Sniper both got married and their Wives won't let them post anymore.

Seriously though, when these old posts get dredged up, you see some members that haven't been around and wonder how they're doing. A few "old timers" and regulars have fallen off the posting radar due to personal reasons, boredom, butthurt, etc. I miss their input, wisdom and humor. We all contribute to the uniqeness of this forum, even the nutjobs (and you know who you are).

[rattlsnak]

You guys who all called him a dirtbag have NO idea what's it's like to be in a sexless marriage. My first marriage was this way. We went through a period of about 3 years where we had sex maybe 5 times. It was brutal. Yes we talked about it. A lot. Yes I did everything she asked. Yes I did more than my half of the workload so to speak, but nothing changed. She simply told me time and time again she just was not interested in sex. Aside from that, we had a pretty good relationship, we got along good and did lots of things together, but I couldn't take it anymore and met someone else on the side. I didn't exactly feel great about it but I certainly felt justified. She eventually found out about it and we got divorced. She wanted to work things out (but still no sex), but I didn't. I had so much anger and pent up frustration towards her that I never once felt sorry for what I did. It's been 10+ years now and she has been married 3 other times and I would think that lack of sex probably had something to do with her other failed marriages but who knows. Also, many people mentioned 'man-up' and leave her first, but it simply doesn't work that way. You just keep hanging on and hanging on hoping it will get better because you do love her and everything else is good but it doesn't change, so let me go get my 'fix' and everything will be alright at home. I know it's not right, but as I said, you really can't understand unless you've really been deep into this type of situation. And yes the girl I cheated with have now been married for 10 years and doing great.

[sc_rufctr]

The guy is not a dirtbag but considering the history of the relationship it was over before he had the fling on the side.

Often people hang in there when things go sour. It's easier to do that than face the truth.

[sc_rufctr]

Originally Posted by m21sniper

Good for him IMO. If she is not giving him ass, it's her own damn fault.

Some classic "Sniper"... lol

[hightuned]

Just tell him quote Eddie Murphy(cant remeber if its from Raw or Delerious?)
-Ok baby i f****d her, we f*****d, are you happy?!!!
Buy i make love to you.

(I suspect it wont work in real life, and you might find yourself at the reciving end of a frying pan?)

[Por_sha911]

Some people's definition of love is different than mine. Love is about giving and not what's in it for me. Does a sex starved marriage suck? Sure. But most marriage vows don't say "until you stop putting out do we part". If you were injured or had a disease do you think its OK for your spouse to swing by the hospital and leave the wedding ring on the night stand with a note that says "you're no longer fun enough so bye"? Oh, I can't survive with getting it...

We applaud those who lay down their lives for family and friends but won't tolerate any disappointment for ourselves. Thank God that there were real men and women willing to put aside their personal comfort to defend our country in WWII. If everyone had the selfish attitude of "what's in it me?" we'd all have a picture of Hitler on our wall.

Disclaimer: I'm not speaking of any one person here.

My wife and I have been married 30+ years. We are more in love today than when we first met and trust me, not everything was roses. We had hard years. We appreciate the each other more now because we toughed it out through the hard years. There is a reward for faithfulness and endurance (think marathon) but sadly, too many people lose the rewards and joy of winning by quitting before the finish line.

[mreid]

Sorry guys, lack of nookie is cruel and unusual punishment. She deserved it as he was denied it.

The only unknown here is whether he tried to get it from her first and explained his needs if she declined. If so, she is the dirtbag. If not, he was driven to his deception by sperm retention dementia (SRD). Both her fault.

[imcarthur]

I stand by my original verdict: dirtbag. You are either honest with your partner & loyal to her/him . . . or you are not. You can justify it anyway you want to, but there is no middle ground. My moral compass has no deviation in this regard.

Ian

[recycled sixtie]

Eventually I believe that the woman's body when she is old enough will not accept entry for biological reasons. The poor man as he gets older loses his looks(there are exceptions such as Clint Eastwood and some other movie stars) but retains his sex drive. Hence the label for many of us can become "dirty old man".

There comes a point where are you willing to risk a divorce after you have built up a nest egg for retirement before or during retirement? Look at Larry King married something like six times and kids by each wife etc. Basically he said that nothing really changed from one marriage to the next. Think Mick Jagger's "I can't get no satisfaction".

Some women that I have met that are promiscuous generally cannot stay married, enjoy sex but are not probably not marriage material. I believe that the institution of marriage has been successful for hundreds of years because in the big plan of things one reason you stay married is to be a good example to your children. Only by staying married can children have a chance of being well mentally adjusted. The woman has fulfilled her role and had children. Eventually she dries up and loses interest in sex. There are exceptions though. That is my theory and I will stick by it. Remember your marriage vows. Till death do us part etc. I invite you to critique my theories. I am 67 yo...

[911SauCy]

So my wife, currently pregnant, and I discussed this thread after i had her read it.

Her parents are now divorced becasue of this exact situation.

I am in agreement with many bits and pieces of responses on here. Go for a certain amount of time without it...start talking. Talking about doesn't work/change things, try something new/different, counseling etc.

She doesn't have any desire...wtf?

Mrs Saucy's thought, she's already getting it elsewhere or has made good friends with a battery operated tool. There is "no way a woman would go that long without it...we have needs too."

My thoughts, same as hers.

Our thoughts regarding the guy getting it from another woman piece. Marriage is a socially created institution and at the end of the day we are animals, put on the planet to procreate. Men and women have an instinct to fornicate. Guys cheat on women and vice versa.

So mark a tally for us in the, if the other doesn't want to do it...go get some without the other knowing if it will ease "the urge" box

DISCLAIMER: We're 27, dorkishly in love, will be married 2 years next month, and are best friends. Im sure our thoughts feelings will change with time.

[targa911S]

Originally Posted by Gogar

So his relationship was crap, and now it's really really crap.

Amen. Jeremy and I both from being in the music biz, it presents itself to you a lot. I have been married 32 years now and have been approached a bunch of times. However, no piece of ass is worth losing the one you love. He's a douche. If it's that bad, get out. Then if you like, get more ass than a toilet seat with a clear conscience. Cheating is bad Mkay?

[targa911S]

Originally Posted by recycled sixtie

Eventually I believe that the woman's body when she is old enough will not accept entry for biological reasons. The poor man as he gets older loses his looks(there are exceptions such as Clint Eastwood and some other movie stars) but retains his sex drive. Hence the label for many of us can become "dirty old man".

There comes a point where are you willing to risk a divorce after you have built up a nest egg for retirement before or during retirement? Look at Larry King married something like six times and kids by each wife etc. Basically he said that nothing really changed from one marriage to the next. Think Mick Jagger's "I can't get no satisfaction".

Some women that I have met that are promiscuous generally cannot stay married, enjoy sex but are not probably not marriage material. I believe that the institution of marriage has been successful for hundreds of years because in the big plan of things one reason you stay married is to be a good example to your children. Only by staying married can children have a chance of being well mentally adjusted. The woman has fulfilled her role and had children. Eventually she dries up and loses interest in sex. There are exceptions though. That is my theory and I will stick by it. Remember your marriage vows. Till death do us part etc. I invite you to critique my theories. I am 67 yo...

Man is THAT the truth. Do the right thing.

[targa911S]

Originally Posted by Por_sha911

Some people's definition of love is different than mine. Love is about giving and not what's in it for me. Does a sex starved marriage suck? Sure. But most marriage vows don't say "until you stop putting out do we part". If you were injured or had a disease do you think its OK for your spouse to swing by the hospital and leave the wedding ring on the night stand with a note that says "you're no longer fun enough so bye"? Oh, I can't survive with getting it...

We applaud those who lay down their lives for family and friends but won't tolerate any disappointment for ourselves. Thank God that there were real men and women willing to put aside their personal comfort to defend our country in WWII. If everyone had the selfish attitude of "what's in it me?" we'd all have a picture of Hitler on our wall.

Disclaimer: I'm not speaking of any one person here.

My wife and I have been married 30+ years. We are more in love today than when we first met and trust me, not everything was roses. We had hard years. We appreciate the each other more now because we toughed it out through the hard years. There is a reward for faithfulness and endurance (think marathon) but sadly, too many people lose the rewards and joy of winning by quitting before the finish line.

I know this all too well. My wife has been incurably sick for 11 years. I stand by her as her rock. You don't get to re-shuffle the deck if you don't like the hand you have been dealt.

[recycled sixtie]

Originally Posted by targa911S

I know this all too well. My wife has been incurably sick for 11 years. I stand by her as her rock. You don't get to re-shuffle the deck if you don't like the hand you have been dealt.

Sorry to hear about your wife. Wise words. Truly inspirational.

[targa911S]

as were your words to me. I / We take one day at a time. It's just life. We deal with it.

[Danimal16]

Originally Posted by targa911S

as were your words to me. I / We take one day at a time. It's just life. We deal with it.

And you set the bar high for the rest of us! Wishing you and your wife the BEST!

[1990C4S]

Originally Posted by sc_rufctr

Often people hang in there when things go sour. It's easier to do that than face the truth.

Yes.

[targa911S]

Originally Posted by Danimal16

And you set the bar high for the rest of us! Wishing you and your wife the BEST!

thanks for the well wishes. I never saw myself as anyones moral compass. We all make bad choices sometimes, I have made my share. Leaving someone when they need you the most will never be one of them.