Going to help my sis-in-law sign up with Match.com - Page 2

NineOhOne · 11-22-2009, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 9dreizig

901 dude you lose I'm pretty sure she's a boxer girl

This is the other pic I use in my profile:

9dreizig · 11-22-2009, 07:10 PM

One of my favorite captions on Match.com was "you had me at restraining order" .. LOL
901 where are you ? I can usually use a wingman when I'm in the bay area..

NineOhOne · 11-22-2009, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 9dreizig

901 where are you ? I can usually use a wingman when I'm in the bay area..

I'm in the OC. But I'll be busy with Cantdrv55's sis-in-law...can't make it.

Dueller · 11-22-2009, 07:25 PM

OK..I'll fess up. Back in 2001, BEFORE I met my wife

, when I was in my early-mid 40's I tried Match.com for a few months. Not very expensive (I think $20-30 IIRC). Met a few interesting women...and a few psychos. Most were interested in casual/physical relationships...which wasn't a bad thing at that point in my life. I'll admit I wasn't interested in dating women my own age...but I also wasn't trying to hit on 20-somethings either. I lost interest fairly quickly and left to my own devices/social circles I had an active dating life.

As far as her age thing...yup she's sure to run into guys close to her age who are chasing younger women. And geezers who want to date her because to them she is a younger woman. But, there's some hope. Two of my closest friends don't follow the younger woman cliche. One is 55, never married (but a couple of long term relationships of 6-10 years), PhD in Mech Engineering, races cars, built his own airplane (VeryEZ), flies gliders, won national radio control helicopter championship, active in aviation, runs 5 miles a day, good looking, has all his hair (LOL). Takes women he dates with him to places like Oshkosh fly-in, Reno air races,etc. He dates women very close to his age...although theere are a women who are in their early 30's-40's after him all the time, he finds that that age iare still into child rearing phases and PO'd at their ex's. He meets most of the women he dates at....hold on now....ball room dancing classes. He goes out with some very attractive women that are in their 60's even.

Another friend is a private educational consultant...makes beaucoup bucks in contracting to train public school administrators/educators. Married once (15 years), no kids, fit, 6'1", looks a but like a younger Robert Redford without the facial moles. He's just turned 50 and refuses to go out with women younger than 45 becasue of the younger children issues. He's used Match.com but he only met fuch-buddies and women who he banished to the friend zone immediately. Meets most of his dating pool in work setting or thru mutual friends...I actually hooked him up with one of my clients who I was representing in a divorce. They dated for 6-8 months but broke it off (due to her over involvement with her childrnes lives) yet still remain friends.

I gues what I'm saying is not every guy wants to be a middle-aged stereotype of going after women much younger than they are. After a 10 year run of dating women 10-24 years younger than me, I fell in liove and married a woman only 4 years younger than me.

One thing piqued my interest...you say SIL hasn't had luck with the men she's dated recently. How so? At the risk of making an unfounded generality, I think people who complain of this have issues of their pown they are not being honest about...no disrespect or judgment re: SIL.

TechnoViking · TechnoViking's Garage

I think the best dating site depends on where you live. In my area, I think Match is the best. The pay sites are better, IMO, as you weed out the complete losers that can't scrape $30 together, and of course, many of the the scammers that gravitate to the free sites.

There are several statistics floating around out there about the popularity of on line dating. Something like 30% of the US adult population and/or 60% of single people have either tired it or are currently on line. So it's pretty mainstream these days, and the various stigmas about dating on line seem to be fading. I have a coworker in Chicago that me her fiance on line.

Yes, I do see the same faces on there after trying it and coming back months later. But there are new faces, too. I think it's a revolving door. Maybe timing is everything

cantdrv55 · 11-22-2009, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NineOhOne

I'm in the OC. But I'll be busy with Cantdrv55's sis-in-law...can't make it.

You guys are killing me.

cantdrv55 · 11-22-2009, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dueller

One thing piqued my interest...you say SIL hasn't had luck with the men she's dated recently. How so? At the risk of making an unfounded generality, I think people who complain of this have issues of their pown they are not being honest about...no disrespect or judgment re: SIL.

She says she doesn't know how to go about attracting guys and dating anymore. She was married for a looong time.

Bob Goding · 11-22-2009, 07:47 PM

Dueller · 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cantdrv55

She says she doesn't know how to go about attracting guys and dating anymore. She was married for a looong time.

OK...that's certainly understandable. I've seen that dilemma with some of the women my buddies go out with. There are some that are not so much bitter about failed marriages, but rather are still caught up into their former life. Or continue to define themselves as to who they became in the marriage. The really cool 40 and 50 something women they go out with were probably in the same boat. I think they have made an effort not so much to reinvent themselves or develop a contrived personna, but rather to move on past who they were in their prior relationship and become individuals they want to be. I know I'm not making much sense, but in my wife's case I didn't feel like I was involved with someone's ex-wife. Rather she was her own person and didn't have a lot of baggage/personality traits/preconceptions/etc arising out of that prior relationship....something you often see in women who are back on the dating scene after long term marriages.

Perhaps she needs to look at her outlook/expectations in relationships and define by what she wants and who she is without thinking of herself as someone who has forgotten how to attract men because she hasn't had to until the marriage ended. I mean she once was capable of that...she got a guy to marry her, didn't she? Like riding a bicycle for women, if ya know what I mean. Does that make sense?

cantdrv55 · 11-22-2009, 08:01 PM

Yup, that makes sense. Thanks Jim.

crustychief · crustychief's Garage

I used match and met the woman of my dreams. Honesty, integrity and being able to "travel" without "baggage" is the key. YMMV

vash · vash's Garage

i have met this one.....she is having troubles meeting a decent guy??

there should be a feeding frenzy....nice woman. very attractive. tell her good luck, the hunt is the best part anyways.

Dueller · 11-22-2009, 08:20 PM

You know, this made me think about 2 women one of the guys went out with. Both were vibrant, attractive women that on the surface seemed to have it all together. Both really enjoyed their time with my buddy and he with them. Ultimately neither relationship panned out. Why? In both case the women were previously married to doctors: One a cardiologist, the other a orthodontist. Although my buddy makes a 6 figure income, the money didn't matter. They were DOCTOR'S WIVES...and neither could abandon seeking out that aspect of their prior relationships so they had a very narrow parameter of what was acceptable in a relationship.

On some levels I think women coming out of long term relationships continue to define themselves in some ways through their former spouses....and sometimes it is so ingrained it may be unconciuos and not necessarily healthy. I know of one client who continues to get involved with men who are the carbon copy of her ex-husband...a womanizing alchoholic. Yet she whines their are no good men to date and she continues to get shat upon.

I am not saying this about SIL, but she might consider why she is having such poor luck with men. Is it possible she's looking for a replacement relationship on some level that mirrors her prior one? For example, has she ever said of a failed relationship, he's just like my ex?

Dueller · 11-22-2009, 08:23 PM

Nice, Crusty....very nice. But I bet she don't put up with any shiat from you. And you like that

crustychief · crustychief's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dueller

Nice, Crusty....very nice. But I bet she don't put up with any shiat from you. And you like that

Partially correct! She did fly out to VA from San Diego to tour the east coast with me! We just had an awesome baby girl, Grace. Jordie does put up with some of my Man Shiat though.

Take a look at some of the settings of the pictures on Match, you can ferret out the liars quickly then get down to business, the ones with laundry baskets in the backgrounds or a pile of ciggy butts in the non smokers profile.

Schumi · 11-22-2009, 09:55 PM

crusty... I'm glad you met the one for you and all, but I feel obligated to point out that she has some sort of defect in the form of what appears to be a large black tumor on her head... fyi...

Heel n Toe · 10:26 PM

cantdrv55, I eventually tried a few of those sites after my first wife died, but found match.com and a couple of others to be sort of the bottom of the barrel. Seems like there was another one with "match" in its name. Went on a couple of dates with one woman... liked her well enough, but it just didn't work for me.

I know several success stories that came out of eHarmony.com ...and based on what I saw on their site back when I was considering trying it... the survey they get you to fill out... I would say it's probably the one that lays the best, most intelligent groundwork and ends up producing the best "matches" on several levels.

But based on what you've said about her confidence level, I'd recommend she try one that I tried first... just as a warm up... with eventually going to eHarmony in mind. I would consider it "eHarmony Lite."

It's datingfaces.com and it has a relatively brief, basic set of questions/categories to fill out as you register, but they are very "telling" when you read a person's profile if they have filled them out with any degree of thought. And when browsing profiles, when a person puts very little thought into their profile, that tells you a lot about that person in itself. Unless it has changed, it starts out free with a limited set of functions you can access, then they charge a very reasonable fee after that... and expand the functions (re: communication, etc.) at that time.

I think it would help her explore who she is and what kind of guy she is looking for before she goes the eHarmony route.

I had several great dates with a superb woman I found at datingfaces.com, but things ended up not working out... and I eventually found my amazing sweetheart in real life.

Also, a word of advice... as far as I know, most sites let you set a distance factor in your searches. It's just common sense, IMO to set that at a distance one would be willing to travel at least every other weekend if you really click with a person and you want/need to spend time getting to really know them. It's just insanity to try to build a relationship when you can't look the person in the eye at least every coupla weeks.

People have made successful relationships progress to marriage while dealing with more distance and less frequent face time, but it's relatively rare from what I've heard.

Another bit of advice... once two people really connect online and on the phone, don't hesitate to meet... there's no sense "building a relationship" for several months, only to meet and find that you don't click well in person. And if the other person is making a lot of excuses and postponing plans to meet, that's an indicator something is wrong, and they need to be dropped.

cantdrv55 · 11-22-2009, 10:40 PM

Good advice, John. Thanks.

competentone · 05:10 AM

I like some of Nathanial Branden's ideas about the subject:

http://www.amazon.com/Psychology-Romantic-Love-Anti-Romantic-Age/dp/1585426253/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1258973826&sr=1-1

The first part of his book covering the "history" of romantic love is kind of dry, but the rest is pretty good.

Your sister-in-law may find some ideas in it she can relate to.

For "practical stuff" when meeting new people, I'd really recommend she read:

http://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Conversation-Lawrence-Edward-Bjornson/dp/0970971923/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1258974592&sr=1-3

Looks like I may have just done the legwork on the Christmas shopping you might need to do for your sister-in-law...

Edit: Huh? We're not allowed to post hyperlinks to Amazon.com?

The two books that won't show are: Nathaniel Branden's The Psychology of Romantic Love and Secrets of Power Conversation, by Lawrence Edward Bjornson

billybek · billybek's Garage

I met my wife via "The Date".
I wasn't meeting anyone, let alone someone I wanted to spend time with. It seemed like a site where the people were a bit more serious about finding a relationship, not just hooking up.
There are a lot of weirdos out there, but you know pretty much right off the bat weather it will be something that is viable.
We now have a 21 month old boy and a relationship that works well.
YMMV....
Best of luck to your sister in law.