Going to help my sis-in-law sign up with Match.com

[Joeaksa]

Surprised that no one has mentioned "www.pof.com" ... Plenty of Fish is the largest FREE dating site on the internet and a very good one.

Have met several ladies from POF and for the most part they were nice. Tell her to take a look here before spending money on a site.

Joe A

[304065]

Originally Posted by competentone

I like some of Nathanial Branden's ideas about the subject:

http://www.amazon.com/Psychology-Romantic-Love-Anti-Romantic-Age/dp/1585426253/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1258973826&sr=1-1

The first part of his book covering the "history" of romantic love is kind of dry, but the rest is pretty good.

Your sister-in-law may find some ideas in it she can relate to.

For "practical stuff" when meeting new people, I'd really recommend she read:

http://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Conversation-Lawrence-Edward-Bjornson/dp/0970971923/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1258974592&sr=1-3


Looks like I may have just done the legwork on the Christmas shopping you might need to do for your sister-in-law...

Edit: Huh? We're not allowed to post hyperlinks to Amazon.com?

The two books that won't show are: Nathaniel Branden's The Psychology of Romantic Love and Secrets of Power Conversation, by Lawrence Edward Bjornson

Are you collecting affinity points for the Objectivist book club?

And, lest you take the above as anything other than the friendly jab for which it is intended, remember that I have been inside the Powerhouse.

[RacerX1166]

Currently on (well taking a break) Match and POF.

I'd say the male stereotype doesn't hold water but I'm a guy so take that with a grain of salt.

Both sites are like bloody cafeterias in terms of tons of people to talk to/weed through. Between the two sites, I've been on 9 first dates in the last 3 months and only, this past weekend, met someone that I wanted to see again. And I have a pretty thorough 'qualification process' before I even meet a woman in person.

Match probably has a better quality of prospects, at least as a 43 year old professional. POF is free and it shows in the quality of a number of its members.

In general, the whole process can be a bit daunting. In a number of cases, there's a darned good reason why the person whose profile you're looking at is single.

The best advice I'd give your SIL is to be patient, be thorough, ask the right questions, and don't let the numerous rejections and nut-cases get her down. It's a jungle out there in the dating world!

[RacerX1166]

[QUOTE=Dueller;5026645]

On some levels I think women coming out of long term relationships continue to define themselves in some ways through their former spouses....and sometimes it is so ingrained it may be unconciuos and not necessarily healthy. QUOTE]

This reminds me of quite a few women I see on Match.com. I call them out of work trophy wives. They have little education/income on their own but specify how they enjoy going on lavish trips, and enjoy the finer things in life.

They also want an 'athletic' guy 6ft or taller with a high income. I went out with someone kind of similar to this (hot but no rich ex) and made the comment (not to her obviously) that, if I was going to have a trophy wife with not a whole lot to say, she'd be 32 and not 42!

[competentone]

Originally Posted by 304065

Are you collecting affinity points for the Objectivist book club?

And, lest you take the above as anything other than the friendly jab for which it is intended, remember that I have been inside the Powerhouse.

Branden has his roots in Objectivism, but a significant number in the objectivist crowd have significant "objections" to him (due, not to his ideas, but to the apparent affair and messy break-up he had with Ayn Rand; they sided with Rand). I've heard -- though I don't follow him closely -- Branden has some ties to some with more "mystical" ideas in psychology. I don't know about that; I just like some of what he's written. I think his Psychology of Romantic Love discusses a number of important ideas people should consider about relationships.

I'm not aware of Bjornson having any connection to Objectivism. Is there one?

[Moses]

Originally Posted by cantdrv55

Guys, if you were single and in your forties or fifties, would you only be looking for hotties in their twenties and thirties?

Absolutely.

[Looking_for_911]

Originally Posted by cantdrv55

Dude, I am not going to pimp her. If I'm going to introduce her to the fellas here, I have to be convinced they are good guys.

Having known a few guys that have done the Match.com thing I would surmise she would be safer with a Pelican than a roving internet horndog!

[Looking_for_911]

He meets most of the women he dates at....hold on now....ball room dancing classes.


A few years back I had to shoot a ball room dancing class assignment, then go back to one of their actual Saturday night dances for more photos.
I swear, if I ever find myself not dating/single again that's where I'll hang out on Saturday nights!
First, the quality of people there was excellent.
And secondly, there were tons of women in their early 50's but the best looking woman I saw was in her mid to late 50's, an instructor and competitive bicycle rider. A real beauty!
I also saw younger people there, like late 40's. It was not at all like suspected it would be.

[Gogar]

Originally Posted by Moses

Absolutely.

Says the rich doctor!

[Joeaksa]

Originally Posted by Moses

Absolutely.

Am going out with a female pilot who is 23 years younger than I am. She is the one chasing me, not my drooling over her. Not that it happens all the time, but it does happen.

Before anyone asks she is not 5 foot tall and 300 pounds. More like 5'10" and 120... and legs up to her neck. And no, am not going to post pictures!

[nostatic]

Trivial fact - I know the guy who wrote the eHarmony algorithm.

I tried a number of different sites. I think match is the biggest and hence has the best selection. But that cuts both ways. You need to learn how to read a profile. You can't take anything at face value, and need to read between the lines. But once you get the hang of it, and if you're willing to do some work, you can have fun and success. I met a number of great women on match, some of whom were one date, others were multiple dates, some I still am friends with, and the last one I've been with for 2+ years.

I have a set of hard and fast rules that I learned the hard way. A few important ones:

DO NOT enter into an email relationship. They are fake. Do not enter into a phone relationship. They are fake also. You have to meet in person and meet fairly soon in the process. If you fail to follow the above, don't say I didn't warn you.

I had a process that I followed. I searched on certain parameters that were important to me. I then wrote a short email to ones that I liked. No winks, no spam everyone, and no novels. But also not just, "hey I like you write me back." Usually it was one or two paragraphs, and I always commented on something specific that they put in their profile. They need to know that you actually read it.

If they wrote back, then I would exchange one or *maybe* two emails to get a feel for what they liked, how they thought, etc. If it felt OK I'd suggest we meet for coffee. Don't plan a meal. Don't commit to a long date. You have NO idea who this other person is, and pictures/profile do not tell the whole (or even part of the story). Sometimes people would prefer to talk on the phone first which is fine - BUT, only one or two calls.

The reason I stress this is that the profile sets up false expectations. You begin to get interested in the picture and the text and not the person. You have to very soon meet in person so you can connect the dots. If you don't you will set yourself up for disappointment. Yes, there might be exceptions, but I've seen this time and again, both with myself and with others who are still doing online dating.

After you meet, you're on your own. But match and other sites are great for an initial introduction to people you would otherwise never have a chance to meet.

[nostatic]

btw, I was 45-46 when I was on match and never searched below age 35...and in fact towards the end limited it to over 40. But I wasn't interested in just a bangin' partner, and I found that despite the fact that I'm relatively hip, I didn't share many interests with a woman 15+ years younger than me but everyone's different. And in fact I met some women in their late 40's who were together and quite fun.

[cantdrv55]

Thanks for sharing your insight, Nostatic. Let me ask you a question; how would you feel if you go on a coffee date, your first meet with the woman, and she brings her sister along as a chaperone. SIL is not at all computer savvy, has been out of the dating scene for so long and is quite a bit nervous about meeting someone from the interweb. My wife, the chaperone, would not be anywhere near earshot. What would you think of that date?

[vash]

no way....!!!

part of what makes a chick hot, is self confidence....and really great T&A. j/k...self confidence is key.

[vash]

Originally Posted by vash

no way....!!!

part of what makes a chick hot, is self confidence....and really great T&A. j/k...self confidence is key.

allow me to add...."in that age bracket!"

young chicks are hot, if they are ..well, they are hot.

[red-beard]

A few pointers

I agree with all of those who say meet sooner rather than later. It is easy to project yourself onto the person who you are talking with via e-mail. You'll know if there is a spark.

For a woman, a chaperon isn't a bad idea. Park them in some back area, away from where you are (don't be obvious), for safety only.

Have an exit plan. Have "something" planned for afterwards. Meet for lunch, on a weekday, so you both have to go back to work.

Don't pick an expensive place. But coffee can also be kind of cheesy.

I had a lot of fun on Match. I went on a lot of first dates that didn't work out. I went on a few first dates that became one nighters or couple of nighters. I met 2 really really good women, but timing was wrong (Met them as I was about to move to San Diego). One of them we picked up again after I moved, but ultimately she didn't want to move.

The funiest? I met the CRAZY ex-GF on match, after we broke up!

[Gogar]

Originally Posted by cantdrv55

how would you feel if you go on a coffee date, your first meet with the woman, and she brings her sister along as a chaperone.

+1 Absolutely not.

[Racerbvd]

He meets most of the women he dates at....hold on now....ball room dancing classes.

A friend told me once the AA is a great place to meet women, he says they need to replace drinking with something He swears that it works.... Maybe I'll check it out....

[NineOhOne]

Originally Posted by Racerbvd

A friend told me once the AA is a great place to meet women, he says they need to replace drinking with something He swears that it works.... Maybe I'll check it out....

Why not cut out the middle-man and go straight to the "Nymphomaniacs Anonymous" meeting?

[fintstone]

Originally Posted by cantdrv55

...SIL is not at all computer savvy, has been out of the dating scene for so long and is quite a bit nervous about meeting someone from the interweb. My wife, the chaperone, would not be anywhere near earshot. What would you think of that date?

If she tells prosepective suitor that she has a "chaperone"...no. But, meeting two women for coffee might be a plus. Takes some of the pressure off the conversation. Women that age usually had a wingman when they were younger and dating...and it makes them more comfortable. It won't work if wife is much, much hotter though.