Relationship and Emotional Dysfunction

[scottmandue]

"Great gains require great risks"

I can't imagine shutting down all emotion and living as a zombie... what is the point of living if you are not experiencing it? Sounds like going to an amusement part and sitting on a bench watching everyone else enjoying the rides... all because you are afraid.

Sup, every person is unique... every relationship is unique... we can drive ourself crazy trying to "figure it out".

We can't change or live in the past... just be the best person we can today.

[RacerX1166]

Originally Posted by Rick V

You are under the assumption that seeing everything in black and white is a bad thing.

Only if you don't want to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder

[Superman]

Originally Posted by dtw

My crystal-ball prediction - when the right woman comes along, she will elicit that emotional response within you....

I'm reading through the posts and it's difficult to focus, to not get distracted, but have to share.........your crystal ball is correct and incorrect. When she comes along, I will know it and she will be a huge blessing. But that will not and cannot happen until I meet myself and accept myself. Forgive myself. Understand myself. That's my message to you.

[TSNAPCRACKLEPOP]

as you know, supe, we are our own worst critics. Look around for someone, or a group where you generally recieve postive strokes, and go there. you seem too down on yourself, and we out here do not see you as that at all!!

[Superman]

Originally Posted by LWJ

Supe / Dave / Others,

You need help. No joking here. You need professional help. Some kind of Head Doc or therapist. I am not up on the different varieties and there are a few.

I really mean it. A good therapist can open those doors and make the color come back to life.

Good luck all of you. You can do it.

Larry

A local Pelicanhead has offered a referral. Someone who, according to the Pelicanhead, has actual talent. According to my observation, approximately 3% of psychologists have actual talent. The rest, for someone like me, are a waste of time. I'm not joking at all. I estimate 3%.

[Superman]

Originally Posted by Tobra

In the last six months, two different people that I went to grade school and middle school with committed suicide. I am not saying that is your fate, but please take this as seriously as is warranted.

Toby

Clearly I am suffering from a raging depression, but I have never had a serious suicide thought in my life. Just so you know.......

But yeah, this is serious. Deadly serious. Suicide is not the danger, but wasting the rest of my life by remaining numb is probably even sadder, and more imminent.

[Rikao4]

your doing it again...
your convinced your going to get one the 97%..

Rika

[TSNAPCRACKLEPOP]

geez, at least 10 of those in my hs class did it. somehow, i was saved! surely i was more screwed up than they were, or at least it seemed that way back then. i figure my mission is as of now incomplete, really!

[Superman]

Originally Posted by Heel n Toe

Supe, I imagine you explained yourself as well as you could to this woman... if you opened up to her as much as you did to us, she will get past the pain of the breakup a lot sooner than if you hadn't even tried to explain.

BTDT... on both sides of the equation, and can say for sure that it does help the dumpee to know that they didn't cause the breakup..

I grok that. There has been full disclosure, and there is ongoing communication. Nobody is abandoning anyone. Whew! My relationship with her will surely change. I have no idea what it will become. But it is probably permanent. Many of my relationships are permanent, and I basically know that when they start.

[Superman]

Originally Posted by DanielDudley

Crystal ball reading.

Wow. Your crystal ball works better than you know. See below.

Originally Posted by DanielDudley

You can't commit because she is too nice, too easy. You need someone that you can make love you, so that you can prove that you are lovable. Someone in your past didn't give you what you needed.

Bingo. She's been infatuated and in love with me for three years now. I've been waiting for the dishonesty of that to subside. Because I don't believe I am a reasonable target for love. I can't accept it from someone else because I don't have it for myself. I have this weird issue about being required to "earn" love.

Originally Posted by DanielDudley

Getting help is a good thing, as it may get you onto some sort of medication, or at least in touch with your feelings.

Get in touch with my feelings, yes. Medication, no. BTDT. Don't care for the side-effects and don't care for the primary effect. Life is a roller coaster. Antidepressants try to make it into a merry-go-round. I'll take the full-flavor version, if you please.

Originally Posted by DanielDudley

Don't do it for yourself. Do it for your children. That would be a good reason, wouldn't it ?

Right now, my children need me too. The stakes are high and the heat is on. Time to perform. Time for the phone booth.

[jhynesrockmtn]

A local Pelicanhead has offered a referral. Someone who, according to the Pelicanhead, has actual talent. According to my observation, approximately 3% of psychologists have actual talent. The rest, for someone like me, are a waste of time. I'm not joking at all. I estimate 3%.

For someone like you? It seems like you may be putting yourself in a category or box of people who can't benefit from therapy. Have an open mind. So you meet some stupid or crazy one's along the way. You can still get something out of it. Take what works for you from each experience and design your own self help program. Interview them before writing a check, how do they work, what would they expect from you each session...............?

Find some other things that will help. Exercise and diet can be important in battling depression. My own prescription was cycling when I went through my divorce. I pedaled my ass off day and night. Now it's yoga, takes me to a place mentally and physically that is healing. I also find track days and racing to be good therapy Best of luck.

[dtw]

Originally Posted by Superman

Because I don't believe I am a reasonable target for love. I can't accept it from someone else because I don't have it for myself.

Nailed it, Soup. Shotgun blast! That is it. Maybe when you sort through this thread a little more, shoot me a PM.

As a friendly aside, you'd have a better chance of meeting miss right, if you'd stop traipsing around in dresses.

Yes, I deflect serious issues w/humor and/or sarcasm.

[Superman]

Yoga. I've heard that's a great place to meet chicks. Kidding. Sort of.

I've gotta say......I really appreciate you guys' friendship. Very, very much. I might continue to journal some of my stuff in this thread and if somebody reads it, great. I'd be doing it for me, and if someone else benefits then.....all the better.

I've gotten some good advice and suggestions here. Exercise. I'm fairly lean and fit and healthy, but I do not exercise. Anxiety....that's my exercise. Diet. Rest/sleep. Talking, listening, expressing.

I can't follow the advice of Sniper and others of that ilk. I'm not put together that way. I love you guys, but I'm way too sensitive for your lifestyle.

I'm hard on therapists. I have a BS in Psychology, I come from an entire family of over-analyzers and I'm way too smart and way too manipulative and persuasive for most therapists. The moment I start seeing the canned crap "I hear you saying you feel frustrated........." I feel like my time is being wasted. I don't need sympathy. I need coaching, and that requires talent. I've known a lot of counselors and seen plenty professionally. Sadly, counseling is not a skill. It is a talent.

[Superman]

Originally Posted by dtw

As a friendly aside, you'd have a better chance of meeting miss right, if you'd stop traipsing around in dresses..

That's the heartiest laugh I've had in weeks, perhaps months.

[scottmandue]

Yes there are some bad therapist out there... and a lot of bad people (messed up women to get hooked up with)...

But if you hooked up with a bad dentist would you stop seeing a dentist?

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by Superman

That's the heartiest laugh I've had in weeks, perhaps months.

Dunno... you could share the wardrobe... think of the money you would save! And the extra closet space! And she could help you match your colors... you kinda suck at that (sorry... tough love)

[creaturecat]

NO childhood memories? WTF? Something happened.
Shot in the dark - apologies in advance - organized guilt-driven religion?
Wishing you the best, always remember, the "present" IS the gift.

[scottmandue]

Sup... we have times of feeling down... I find it best to go someplace quiet... meditate and reconnect with nature... and contemplate that somewhere out there... deep deep out there...

Is and asteroid hurtling at earth that will annihilate all life in a matter of seconds.

[Superman]

Originally Posted by scottmandue

Sup... we have times of feeling down... I find it best to go someplace quiet... meditate and reconnect with nature... and contemplate that somewhere out there... deep deep out there...

Is and asteroid hurtling at earth that will annihilate all life in a matter of seconds.

In a PM today, I shared with Todd that I NEED silence. Two days minimum. For this reason mostly, I backpack. Alone. I don't do it enough, but three days of silence......no talking.......place me back at my center. Seriously. After two days, I am just starting to relax. Our lives have WAY too much noise and clutter and stress.

[TSNAPCRACKLEPOP]

i would like to chime in on the "no childhood memories" that sounds like it needs investigatin. regression therapy?