I just lost my Dad

[Oracle]

I'm sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family
-Gaspar

[Z-man]

My prayers go out to you and your family. Hang in there!

-Zoltan.

[crustychief]

Thank you all for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. My family is coping as best as we can.
Basically,
My dad said he was cold on Wednesday so my mom turned up the heater and got some blankets for him, on Thursday he did not get out of his bed because he said he was tired, she noticed my dad had not gone pee on Thursday, so she said he needed to go, she gave him Gatorade and water which he drank, but no pee. On Friday morning she told him to pee by noon or she was calling the paramedics ( my dad would not willingly go to the doctor) . The paramedics came at noon and brought him to the hospital where he talked to the doctor for about 5 minutes and went into respiratory failure as he was talking to the Dr. they had to give him meds so they could intubate and they drew blood and found out he was septic. They said they would do everything they could, but he probably would not go home from the hospital. at three they said he would probably not make it through the week, at five they said he would not make it through the night. at 1030 we enacted his directive to remove his breathing tube and make him comfortable. He was always stubborn even when the paramedics got there he was arguing that he was fine he walked around that morning and ate.

[pwd72s]

This siggests to me he went out as the man he was. I hope this gives the family some comfort.

[Rikao4]

sorry for your loss..
and thank you for respecting his wish..

Rika

[kach22i]

Sorry for your loss.

Sounds like he did not suffer too much and you had him in your life for 22 more years than I had my dad, little comfort now but a consideration. Be strong for your mom, life will go on, take it one day at a time.

[crustychief]

It is hard to work out the time. It seems like yesterday. Is it wrong I still think about it every day? I never got the chance to grieve.

[jorian]

My Dad passed in 08'. A day hasn't passed that he hasn't popped into my mind. Always in a happy way these days. It does get better.

[KevinTodd]

We're right there with you. It's still very fresh for me as dad passed in mid-October. Thanksgiving and Christmas seemed to be okay--but it really hit when my wife and I didn't get our typical hand-written note for our shared January birthdays....something that little seems so trivial until it is gone.

Now this week my brother and I sold his house--the one that we all grew up in and the one that he and my mother had raised all three boys--and lost one way too soon. Nothing has made it more terminal than that--but I still have the memories, and that is what you should concentrate on now.

[DanielDudley]

Originally Posted by Z-man

My prayers go out to you and your family. Hang in there!

-Zoltan.

Yes. And for what it's worth, he didn't suffer long or much. That is a small consolation, I know, but it is something. Mom's going to need you. Just be around.

[Baz]

Originally Posted by crustychief

It is hard to work out the time. It seems like yesterday. Is it wrong I still think about it every day? I never got the chance to grieve.

Lost my dad when I was 14 - went in for a brain tumor at the Portsmouth Naval Hospital and never made it through the operation.

That was 47 years ago and there have been days since that I have not thought about him - but not many.

The process will be different for everyone - but will also be the same for many of us.

You are not alone....my best to you and much respect to your father.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by crustychief

It is hard to work out the time. It seems like yesterday. Is it wrong I still think about it every day? I never got the chance to grieve.

Nothing is wrong, Sandy. You are not on a clock, not getting ready to go on cruise. Five years is a blink of time. My mother, I was much closer to her, died in 1990 and without interruption I think of her and welcome the memories.

I was lucky in the fact that I did get to prepare with my father for his end. We talked about a lot. When he died on Thanksgiving day in 2014 the passing was easy for us all.

Have those conversations in your mind with him now, work out any lingering doubts or regrets - you two obviously loved each other and from that all things are possible. Honestly, he'll let you know what was on his mind, even now, stubborn as he was..

[tevake]

^^. The last two posts are gold Crusty.
It's a process and you are working your way through it at your pace brother, as you should.

With the "so you want to live for ever ". Thread in mind. As well as my own experiences with my mom in a care home now. I appreciate the smoothness if your dads passing. As abrupt as it was, things could have gone much worse.

Be patient with yourself and focus on the positive memories.

Aloha Richard

[flatbutt]

Sorry to hear of your loss Chief. My Dad passed 12 years ago after battling cancer for 4 years. I was with him when he went into a coma and when he stopped breathing. I talk to him most nights and whenever I go out on any adventure that I hope to have him tag along on.

Letting him go out the way he wished was selfless and loving. Good on you Chief.

[Craig T]

I'm so sorry. I'm will be in the same position very soon, with my father in the last days of a long battle with squamous cell carcinoma. My condolences to you and your family.

[john70t]

Sorry for your loss crusty. Sometimes there is no time at first, but those feelings remain under the surface like an unscratched itch. Bring them out and recognize them when it is necessary. He is probably still around in another form. Spent some time in dad's nursing home and heard "pneumonia is the old person's friend" a few times. Some fight to the very end and some are waiting and ready.