Someone recently called me a Dry Drunk

[herr_oberst]

I was talking to someone who was going thru rehab, and they called me a dry drunk. (I'd never really heard that term) I asked this person to explain, and was told that basically, since I haven't gone through AA, I'm still a drunk because I haven't gone through any emotional changes, and my behavior is still the behavior of an alcoholic, only without the boozing.

WTF????

(My last drink was on 11/20/2008)

Anyone have any thoughts on this? I know I do.

[mossguy]

There are many ways to become an ex-drinker or former drinker. AA is one of them, but not the only way. I believe that some AA members get over-invested in their organization and method and don't appreciate other successes.

Best,
Tom

[LWJ]

I call BS. If you drink, you are a drinker. There are other behaviors that often fill that need for folks. Only you know if you are healthy.

Congrats on kicking a habit. Not an easy thing to do.
Larry

[porsche4life]

Did you punch him in the face? I would have....

[nostatic]

I don't know you, but you might want to consider what they are saying. I know a fair number of "dry drunks." Often alcohol is just the presenting symptom that is driven by psychological issues. Willpower can stop the drinking (which will alleviate some of the problems that it caused), but if you don't address the underlying issues that led to the drinking, then you'll only get so far. And as Tom said, you don't necessarily need AA to do that.

[Geronimo '74]

Originally Posted by LWJ

I call BS. If you drink, you are a drinker. There are other behaviors that often fill that need for folks. Only you know if you are healthy.

Congrats on kicking a habit. Not an easy thing to do.
Larry

+1

Congrats on staying sober!

[Tobra]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

Did you punch him in the face? I would have....

Either that or kick 'em in the nuts.

More than one way to skin a cat, but if whatever issues that drove you to the bottle are still present, I would think relapse or transfer to something else would be a great risk. Next time you see the guy, tell him he just traded the drinking for going to meetings, drinking bad coffee and hanging out with people who smoke too many cigarettes.

Congrats on the strength of will, booze is freakin' poison, bad as cigarettes almost.

[Racerbvd]

I haven't had a drink in about a year either (doctors suggestion) but not a problem, and my job requires me to be in bars & clubs. Don't know what that guy was thinking, I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. Funny thing is most people can't tell the difference..

[campbellcj]

Apparently AA works for some people (perhaps very few, depending whose data you believe), but there seems to be a heavy 'brainwashing' element to it IMO. The whole thing is based upon the "incurable disease" model and I just do not buy that. You either drink or you don't, and however you get the outcome you desire works for you and that is all that matters, end of story.

[sc_rufctr]

A Dry Drunk is someone who has a drinking problem but has for whatever reason has manged to stop.
The key here is "drinking problem"... These people are pretty extraordinary because they have managed to stop without support.

I drink occasionally with friends. So I consider myself a social drinker.

My ex wife is an alcoholic because she drinks to excess every evening... Her behavior always changes for the worse after she's had a few.
I have confronted her about this and she yelled back at me stating there was nothing wrong with drinking and it's just who she is... Whatever

Some people can drink regularly and it's never a problem. It never affects their work or family life. They don't become aggressive or brazen.
My uncle was like this. He loved his scotch and cigarettes and drank everyday. He was very successful in all aspects of his life.
When he was sick with the flue he would simply stop smoking and drinking until he was better. I remember on one occasion he was sick for nearly 2 weeks.
He stopped smoking and drinking for the entire time without any ill side effects or cravings.
As soon as he was fit again he lite up a smoke and had a drink of scotch just like he always did. He passed away a few years ago aged 78.

What it really comes down to is how do you feel about drinking?
Is it a problem for you? Does it affect your family life or work?

And don't let anybody hang labels on you...

[mossguy]

Originally Posted by sc_rufctr

And don't let anybody hang labels on you...

This is excellent advice!

Best,
Tom

[nostatic]

Actually I suppose it might be semantics, but I've never considered a "dry drunk" to simply be someone that has a drinking problem but has managed to quit. Rather, it is as indicated by the OP's friend - someone who has a personality defect that led them to abuse alcohol, and has managed to quit drinking, but hasn't done the personal work to get at the root causes for the drinking. Dry drunks often just substitute some other destructive behavior in place of drinking.

I'm not saying that the OP is in fact a "dry drunk," but I also don't think that it is advisable to completely disregard the comment from a friend. Yes, there are AA people who have issues (duh), and AA can lead to cultish behavior. So one needs to take most everything with a grain of salt. But in my experience, if someone is drinking or taking drugs to a point where it negatively impacts their life, odds are there is some underlying set of psychological issues that are driving the behavior. And while willpower can stop a behavior, it can't really cure a personality. Similarly, prescription pharmaceuticals can treat a number of problems, but a "cure" requires a deeper and more difficult dive.

While everyone is different and ymmv, the patterns of addiction are pretty predictable.

[sc_rufctr]

nostatic

I understand what you're saying but most of the human beings on planet earth have defects with their personalities.
Some people deal with it some don't... Most aren't even aware that there is anything "wrong" with them.
There are many ways people choose to deal with their issues. Ranging from doing nothing or self medicating to becoming depressed at their inability to take control of their lives.

Even the most accomplished and successful people have issues that could be treated or improved.

The fact that the OP has manged to stop drinking without support is to be commended.
Yes... He may not be perfect but he has been able to make a positive change in his life.

Keep moving forward I say. Do the things that make you feel happy and don't live your life dependent on others for emotional support.

[kach22i]

It means you are Presidential.


Katherine van Wormer: Bush and Dry Drunk Syndrome

What is the dry drunk syndrome? "Dry drunk" traits consist of:

* Exaggerated self-importance and pomposity
* Grandiose behavior
* A rigid, judgmental outlook
* Impatience
* Childish behavior
* Irresponsible behavior
* Irrational rationalization
* Projection
* Overreaction

[Heel n Toe]

Kratch, you are very bitter, blind, and hyperpartisan. Time to get help.

[DanielDudley]

Originally Posted by kach22i

It means you are Presidential.


Katherine van Wormer: Bush and Dry Drunk Syndrome

Oh, oh, I'm screwed.

I have no idea if you are a dry drunk or not, but many Alcoholics can take 10 or 20 years to find happiness after quitting. For many, it can take up to a year for their brain to get adjusted to working without alcohol. Some people still have a craving for alcohol many years after quitting. The actual physical addiction is over in less than two weeks. Presumably the craving should subside after the brain adjusts to sobriety.

Your friend is analyzing you. Another way of putting this is that he is bashing you with the technology. IMO, if he thinks you could benefit from the program, he should simply invite you to a meeting. Of course for an invitation to be sincere, you really should have the freedom to say no.

Are you generally happy ? Are you experiencing a loss of freedom, power or performance in your life ? Are there areas of your life that are just not working no matter how you try ?

[cbush]

What is the dry drunk syndrome? "Dry drunk" traits consist of:

* Exaggerated self-importance and pomposity
* Grandiose behavior
* A rigid, judgmental outlook
* Impatience
* Childish behavior
* Irresponsible behavior
* Irrational rationalization
* Projection
* Overreaction
-----------------------------

I guess I am a dry drunk with a Porsche problem. These traits describe a lot of porsche owners I know.

1. Yes we drive the best car on the road.
2. I suppose driving it is an example of grandiose behavior
3. Most other cars suck in comparison, which is a rigid and judgmental outlook
4. I am extremely impatient when stuck behind slow cars--particularly in the left lane which causes occasional--
5. Irresponsible behavior--nuff said
6. Irrational rationalization- "sure, $15K is normal for an engine rebuild--it will increase the value of the car"
7. ??? but I am sure I have it
8. Overreaction. You want to see over reaction? Hang around with me when someone puts a ding in my door!!!!

My name is Chuck and I am a Porsche addict. (with no real intention of getting better)

[sc_rufctr]

Originally Posted by cbush

What is the dry drunk syndrome? "Dry drunk" traits consist of:

* Exaggerated self-importance and pomposity
* Grandiose behavior
* A rigid, judgmental outlook
* Impatience
* Childish behavior
* Irresponsible behavior
* Irrational rationalization
* Projection
* Overreaction
-----------------------------

I guess I am a dry drunk with a Porsche problem. These traits describe a lot of porsche owners I know.

1. Yes we drive the best car on the road.
2. I suppose driving it is an example of grandiose behavior
3. Most other cars suck in comparison, which is a rigid and judgmental outlook
4. I am extremely impatient when stuck behind slow cars--particularly in the left lane which causes occasional--
5. Irresponsible behavior--nuff said
6. Irrational rationalization- "sure, $15K is normal for an engine rebuild--it will increase the value of the car"
7. ??? but I am sure I have it
8. Overreaction. You want to see over reaction? Hang around with me when someone puts a ding in my door!!!!

My name is Chuck and I am a Porsche addict. (with no real intention of getting better)

Excellent Chuck. I have the same syndrome.

[herr_oberst]

Thanks to all who posted, took the time to address this. Especially thanks to those who offered support.

First off, I have no intention of any retaliation to my friend. This person was in rehab when they used this term, I was supporting them by showing up during visitation days, spending the afternoon, and I know it wasn't used in an inflammatory way.

The thing is, I was introduced to someone else in the program as a dry drunk. I have no problem with my past, don't try to hide who I was, but I was taken aback by the term and the subsequent description when I asked what was meant.

When I got home, I looked up the term on the internet, did a lot of reading. It seems like the concept of the dry drunk was invented by AA, which is stunning to me, it is basically AA saying that if I don't drink their brand of kool-aid, I will never be free from the demons that caused me to abuse alcohol.

Well, that's not how I feel.

I feel like for the last 12 years I have shown up sober. I don't endanger anyone on the road, don't embarrass my friends or family. Have more money, have my wits about me, don't smell like a brewery all the time. The list goes on and on.

It's true that I am not happy all the time but who is? I'm happy a lot. I live a pretty good life, bills get paid, I have nice friends, I'm generally mellow about stuff, but as I always have, I can wear my emotions on my sleeve. I'm getting by and then some, and I don't really need AA to say that they have a better way. It's too bad that in rehabs that use AA as the cornerstone of a life of sobriety, they teach that there is only one real way to that sobriety. . . (and my friend is in rehab for the second time. I'm not judging, just saying)

[targa911S]

it boils down to if you are an a-hole when you drink, AND an a-hole when you don't you need to address yer a-holiness.