Random euphamism/analogy thread
 

Read here today:

pulls like a coked out mule

This car handles like a crack whore on ice skates.

angela

My ex-wife used to like to say:

Pretty nice mixed set of idioms there...

Off faster than a French whores knickers.

Took off like a drunk through a Georgia briar patch.

off quiker than a prom dress

You can make a euphemism for "penis" by simply combining [type of meat] + [weapon].

"Look at 'em! All spread out like a $5 hooker on Friday night." -Pool player after a smash-em break.

You smell like a whore's handbag.

runs like a scalded dog

slicker than an eel in a barrel of snot


Sharp as a bowling ball

They snatched defeat from the jaws of victory (Giants baseball, ITS TORTURE!!)

She/he has got a room temprature I.Q.
There's a face made for radio

Off like a turd of hurtles.

Ian

Well I've used:

- Uglier than a mud fence
- Hornier than a two pecker'd billy goat

:eek:"runs like a raped ape"

My ex-wife always liked: "She spreads like Peanut butter..."

Hotter than a swap meet VCR.

As queer as a three dollar bill.

I'm smellin' what yer steppin' in. (I understand.)

This dog'll hunt. (I have every expectation that this will work.)

He's so tight he'd skin a flea for its hide and tallow.

I had a whole bunch of Southern expressions I wrote down over the years. I haven't seen the list for about 10 years, but it's here somewhere in a box. I might think of some of them as I go.

She's got hips like a government mule.

He's slower than smoke off a meadow muffin. (I cleaned that one up a bit ;))

"Dumb as a sack of hammers" (one of my faves that I use regularly)
"Smoother than sliding your c*ck into oiled virgin teen p*ssy" (a former co-worker's line - very crass but made me laugh)
"Like trying to herd cats" (another one I use somewhat regularly, usually in reference to my staff)
"As reliable as a 74 Buick"
"Handles like a greased pig on a linoleum floor" (in reference to just about any American muscle car)

"Tighter than a gnat's ass stretched around a 55 gallon drum."

"On you like white on rice on a paper plate in a snow storm."

"So fat that when she walks it looks like two volkswagens drag racing."

Randy

You can't polish a turd

That dog won't hunt