As screwed up as a soup sandwich.

Doesn't know crap from apple butter.

Hard as a wedding ****.

Looks like she was rode hard and put a way wet.

The smell would knock a buzzard off a gut-wagon.

Slier than a schitt-house rat.

Doesn't know if his a-hole is punched or bored.

Fooked up as a football bat.

Slicker than snot on a glass doorknob.

So horny even the crack of dawn looks good.

Slicker than 2 eels screwing in a bucket of snot.

Tighter than dick's hat band.

Luckier than a 2 d***ed dog.

Up s*** creek in a screen bottom canoe.

"deader than a door nail"

- that one never made sense to me

- I'll see if I can reach back to my youth for some other old Louisiana sayin's but these come to mind immediately:

as nervous as a Yankee in a pirogue

comme ci, comme ca (so so)

jus' a lil' ol' john boat (thank you for complementing my fine watercraft; I demur from boasting)

makin' groceries (shopping for groceries)

where y'at (how are you?)

dress it up; dress it up all de way (I would like all the additions on my po-boy please)

neutra' groun' - neutral ground (the grassy median in a blvd. - comes from that being the neutral area between the French and the hated newcomer yankees in the 1800's)

yankee - a white person who is neither Creole nor Cajun; most live north of Opelousas but have been infiltrating for centuries now; I once introduced myslef at a seminar at "Cajun U." by saying "I'm just a yankee from Baton Rouge"

she's having a hissy fit

and, the more extreme form - a screamin' hissy fit

pick up your room (clean up your room, put things away)

Three possibilities:

The classic “Door nail” was a large headed nail placed directly under a door’s knocker. The doornail is the thing you strike when you hammer up and down on a door’s knocker.

Possibility One:
The doornail is “dead” because it’s had its head hammered on so many times. Mildly amusing today – but meaningful in medieval times – we know that the pope and various royalty were actually hammered on their heads with silver hammers upon their death to make sure they were actually dead, not just unconscious.

Possibility Two:
The Doornail (getting so much abuse) often worked its way loose. To prevent this, the pointy end, on the other side of the door, was hammered down flat (called clinching – i.e. you have heard of “clinching a deal”, etc). This nail couldn’t be removed or re-used; it was therefore “dead”.

Possibility Three:
The last physical doorway you go through is your coffin. Your coffin “Door” (lid) is hammered tight with nails. [Note that coffins lids are usually hinged on one side, just like doors!] So these coffin nails could also be called “door nails” and anybody on the other side of them was very dead indeed.

thx - all 3 make sense!

I was in college (Up nawth) before I figured out what the following really were:

brim (bream, a member of the sunfish family)

sac o' lay (lait) - lit. bag of milk; most likely a gravid female fish

mel-e- ton = mirliton, actually called chayote by the rest of the world (who also do not realize you are supposed to pack them full of shrimp & crab)

mud dauba' (dauber) - a type of wasp

Nuttier'n squirrel turds.

One of the two (corrupt as hell and dumb as rocks) candidates for gov. here in GA tried to bring in the blue collar vote by having a few men dressed as farmers eating a down-home breakfast around a table. One of them said, "Like two rabbits pissing on a bale of cotton" and I still have yet to figure out its meaning.

"If my grandmother had wheels, she would be a bicycle"...

Beaten like a rented mule.

Regarding a bad salesman: Can't close a door.

chicken. so many uses.

Dumber than dirt.
Smoother than a gravy sandwich.
Busier than a one-armed paper hanger.
Busier than a one-legged man at a snake stomping contest. (a fellow in TX gave me this one. I don't know what a snake stomping contest and I don't want to find out).
Hotter than a two dollar pistol.

When we moved to the south I was told that you don't "have" a hissy fit, you pitch a hissy fit.

as useless as a screen door on a submarine.

Busier than a one-legged man at an ass kicking contest.

"It's like a sore dick, can't beat it"

"Busier than a whore on dollar day"

As loyal as "Sniper"! :rolleyes:

(Ha ha Bill)