How would react if your spouse asked you...

[island911]

Originally Posted by cashflyer

It does because Op's question was about them moving in with his family - not, "what is the proper way for lesbians to relocate".

The lifestyle of the sister will have an impact when they are all living under the same roof together.

YEP. Furthermore, The lifestyle of the sister DOES have bearing on the matter, in that it reflects very poor decision making. I mean, how smart is it to adopt/bring people into a family, when (clearly) their financial stability isn't there.

...which, btw, gets back to the OP -- can you feed and house 4 more people w/ little risk? If so, just buy them a condo and start paying child support. (we wouldn't want anyone's 'lifestyle' to be disturbed.)

[widebody911]

Originally Posted by quaz

No such thing........

Yeah; good-looking lesbians always have kids.

[vash]

jeezus!!

this situation is horrible! there will be no winners. you let them move in, because you subscribe to the idea that family is important. you become miserable, you make everyone around you miserable.

you say NO!! no you say,,"HELL NO!" and they resent you forever, and your become "that man".

i know me, i would chose option one. eff it. but i would tell them that my KING status remains in affect. no exceptions, and the invitation has a definate expiration date..insert, hard date here. march 3rd?

silver lining? your kids learn something from the modern family, and become better people from it.

lesbianism and skin color is not part of the decision.

[john70t]

Not helping your wife's sister could lead to hard feelings down the road as well.
Nothing rong with helping family in need. Hopefully it will never become a necessity for most of us.

There are a lot of variables here:
-Are they desperate or just wanting to move to the area?
-Are they looking to buy a home, or looking for a place to live?
-How close are the sisters? Your wife may end up being the one kicking them out.
-When they both get jobs, who will watch the children?

If you do it, set the ground rules(no-go places) in place beforehand and let them know of the remodeling. Your house, your schedule. Mabye one of them knows how to paint.

[Rick Lee]

Is there a way I can subscribe to every thread Fastfred starts?

This is a disaster waiting to happen. My family has twice moved in with others, but it was for very short and previously known fixed durations while our next house was being built and because we had to vacate our previous house before the next house was finished to get the sale done.

Having moved across the country not too long ago, I think I know how it's supposed to be done. I had a job already and my wife's job in DC let her work from home in AZ until she found a local one. Took her three weeks and got one close to home and for more money. Yes, we lucked out big time. But our plan was to do it no matter what and we didn't have anyone to move in with.

When I first moved to DC, I crashed on some friends' couch for about a month. But I was pounding the pavement and looking for an apt. every minute of the day, so they knew I was serious about getting out of their hair.

Fastfred is setting himself up for unending headache, family crisis and longterm misery. Ask Ian about his room monkeys and how long that went on.

[Rikao4]

are you crazy ..
doesn't matter..
it's a done deal..
your wife could have said no..
not playing fair is what she did..
cause you cannot say NO..it's her sister..
you will learn something..
like.. I want my home & sanity back..

Rika

[Laneco]

Originally Posted by Por_sha911

I've already posted the concern that once in, they will never leave and you are a bum if you ask them to. That said, privately talk to your wife. She may be apprehensive about it and is asking you because she is looking for an excuse to say no to her sis. If she is open to it. Have a heart to heart with her about your concerns and request that she stand with you on this one.
Outside family will be close or distant and fall in or out of favor over your lifetime but your wife is 24/7/365 for life (prayerfully). Deal with her first and foremost.

Well, and very wisely said.

angela

[jyl]

YEP. Furthermore, The lifestyle of the sister DOES have bearing on the matter, in that it reflects very poor decision making. I mean, how smart is it to adopt/bring people into a family, when (clearly) their financial stability isn't there.

The way I read the thread, the two are gainfully employed and own house and property, so no evident reason to say they make bad decisions, by adopting kids or otherwise.

As I read above: And they are not leaches, they both currently work ,and already own a decent home with some property . The will be able afford to buy a home, just the logistics makes buying a home a little trickier. They are both in the medical field, and should not really have too hard of a time finding employment. I believe one has part time work lined up already.

Many of us were born when our parents were young, struggling, with hardly any assets at all. I think some of us had our own kids when in a similar asset-light condition.

Indeed, if they get the OP to host them in his house, they'll have made yet another shrewd decision. Not so good for the OP, though, and that is my objection.

[nostatic]

Originally Posted by jyl

The way I read the thread, the two are gainfully employed and own house and property, so no evident reason to say they make bad decisions, by adopting kids or otherwise.

feh - forget that. They're *lesbians* who dared to adopt *kids* - and *African* ones at that. Enough bad decisions there to swamp out any other factors.

My bet is that there are a lot of factors that haven't been mentioned. You've got the original post which is pretty clearly written to elicit the desired supportive response. If the core issue really is someone's spouse's family coming to live with them while they get settled in a new area, then one could leave the lesbian and African facts out, and include some of the other details (why they're moving, etc). I'm willing to bet that the range of responses would have been different.

Spin is everything, and the truth is usually somewhere in between the two stories (and in this case, we only have one).

[Shaun @ Tru6]

You should let them stay for 6 weeks with well-defined ground rules.

handle this like an adult for god's sake.

[Tobra]

They don't have jobs or any idea what they are going to do, but they know they are moving.

Why are they moving there? They dig cold weather in the winter, or maybe they did not like Texas perhaps. How will they be paying their expenses during this period of unemployment?

I would be inclined to help family out as much as possible. Need to have firm rules and expiration date for this, written down, everyone on the same page, so to speak.

A few things though.

1-Your wife already has her mind made up or you would never have heard about it. She has put you in an extremely bad position. She has asked you a question that does not have a correct answer, as delineated above.
2-Them being lesbians and having adopted kids from Africa bothers you at least a little, or you would not have mentioned it.

[red-beard]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

If her lesbian sister, and her life partner, and their two adopted african american children( 8, and 14 months old) could live with you for a while?. I am not a racist, and their life style does not really bother me, but day um. Say what hon?.
They are moving up to Pa from Texas, and have not found a house or jobs yet, and asked her if they could stay with us for a couple of months. I actually like her sister, we get along well, her life partner is ok, but she is a little opinionated and outspoken.

They are not gainfully employed. This is not a good economy to take chances.

Suggest they move to Houston...

[cashflyer]

Originally Posted by nostatic

They're *lesbians* who dared to adopt *kids* - and *African* ones at that. Enough bad decisions there to swamp out any other factors.

My bet is that there are a lot of factors that haven't been mentioned. You've got the original post which is pretty clearly written to elicit the desired supportive response. If the core issue really is someone's spouse's family coming to live with them while they get settled in a new area, then one could leave the lesbian and African facts out...

I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

[Shaun @ Tru6]

Originally Posted by nostatic

feh - forget that. They're *lesbians* who dared to adopt *kids* - and *African* ones at that. Enough bad decisions there to swamp out any other factors.

My bet is that there are a lot of factors that haven't been mentioned. You've got the original post which is pretty clearly written to elicit the desired supportive response. If the core issue really is someone's spouse's family coming to live with them while they get settled in a new area, then one could leave the lesbian and African facts out, and include some of the other details (why they're moving, etc). I'm willing to bet that the range of responses would have been different.

Spin is everything, and the truth is usually somewhere in between the two stories (and in this case, we only have one).

[Drdogface]

Originally Posted by Joe Bob

Find them a place...pay the rent...or move out. Three wimmen in one house....yer nucking futz.

Ya know, they sync once in close proximity....3 OTR at the same time? You'll be insane inside of 4 months.....

That is funny as hell .... and right on at the same time...just rent a spot for them but only pay their rent for, say, 60 days and make that known. This will save your sanity and your marriage.

[enzo1]

Originally Posted by targa911S

I'd make sure the batteries in my camcorder were charged.

Those won't be the only batteries he'll be buying

[Rikao4]

Originally Posted by BeyGon

If they do move in the first thing you should do is buy stock in Charmin, the toilet paper company.

and remember..
you go between 5 and 530 in the mornings..
for evenings there will be pick a # system in place..
and forget about sex & hot water..
like a good steak..it will be rare..
also order that Lifetime channel...

Rika

[Shaun @ Tru6]

Originally Posted by Rikao4

and forget about sex...

ultimate Catch 22

[Hugh R]

Your wife and you are YOUR family. When she married you both of your families changed. Your wife should respect your concerns and stand by YOU, not her sister's family.

[Shaun @ Tru6]

Originally Posted by Hugh R

Your wife and you are YOUR family. When she married you both of your families changed. Your wife should respect your concerns and stand by YOU, not her sister's family.

Honestly Hugh, that's a sad way to live. Different strokes.

Family is what you make of it. I have some friends who are as close as family and would do for them as I would flesh and blood. Just seems right.