How would react if your spouse asked you... - Page 4

enzo1 · 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by milt

Dangerous living if you think you can extort your wife.

extort:
to wrest or wring (money, information, etc.) from a person by violence, intimidation, or abuse of authority; obtain by force, torture, threat, or the like. No milt, just a little "renegotiating" of the rules, when he gets claustrophobia.... maybe something he's always wanted to do but didn't cause of obligations. Since he'll have political capital or undying love and affection... if he does this right

.... another ? why are they moving from Tx to Pa

Crowbob · 11-28-2010, 01:04 PM

Invite them over to talk over the situation. An hour or so before they arrive, eat a couple bean burritos. When they do arrive, answer the door nekkid as a jay bird except for black socks. Do not inform the wife, of course.

IOW, the request was way out of line from a normal wife.

Por_sha911 · Por_sha911's Garage

I've already posted the concern that once in, they will never leave and you are a bum if you ask them to. That said, privately talk to your wife. She may be apprehensive about it and is asking you because she is looking for an excuse to say no to her sis. If she is open to it. Have a heart to heart with her about your concerns and request that she stand with you on this one.
Outside family will be close or distant and fall in or out of favor over your lifetime but your wife is 24/7/365 for life (prayerfully). Deal with her first and foremost.

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

I asked my g/f about this. Her comment was that it depends on the family dynamic, but it seems like if the sister and her family are in "good standing" (ie responsible, had jobs, looking to relocate, etc) it isn't that unreasonable. Often it is easier to get situated in a new area and find jobs, etc when you are there rather than from 1K miles away. You didn't mention why they wanted to relocate - is that a factor?

As for some of the other comments - it is no wonder why lesbians can be defensive.

Her other comment regarding family and "personal space" was that 7 people in a 4 br house would be considered not even vaguely crowded in most parts of the world.

Zeke · 11-28-2010, 03:26 PM

Well yeah, 'static,' but this ain't most parts of the world and it's in the country. I'm with you that the sexual orientation of the "parents" is not a big deal. In fact, it might help Fred's kids see the world more as it is. But, to throw all these people together suddenly doesn't seem like a very good idea.

On a number of levels.

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

I understand that this isn't the rest of the world. But a little perspective can be a good thing. What is at least a little disturbing (to both her and myself) is the willingness of people to throw the family under the bus without knowing them, believing they are out to take advantage of the OP and that they are evil for even considering the idea. Having boundaries on personal space and family is one thing. Assuming insidious motives a priori and tossing snide comments is something else.

johnnywishbone · johnnywishbone's Garage

been there, doing that. it's not easy. plus, i buy them cars. when the cars, break, i fix them. i pay $2000.00 per month for food. i handle unexpected financial problems. i think it's the right thing to do. having said that, i just posted on this forum a request for advice. "hawaii, the big island" where is the best place to live? i don't want to spend the remaining years of my life as a human atm machine. i need to get away. from a distance, i would make the house payment, plus $2000.00 per month. jp

gprsh924 · 11-28-2010, 03:58 PM

Does it seem like a bad idea to anyone else for these parents to pick up and leave with their family before they have secured employment or housing?

Hugh R · 11-28-2010, 04:01 PM

So they want to save to buy a house? Translation, they want to live off of you in order to save. Say a $200K house that means how many months of saving on jobs that THEY HOPE THEY GET. Moving from Texas (hiring) to PA (high unemployment). What exactly is the upside for you and your wife? None that I can see.

onewhippedpuppy · 11-28-2010, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nostatic

I asked my g/f about this. Her comment was that it depends on the family dynamic, but it seems like if the sister and her family are in "good standing" (ie responsible, had jobs, looking to relocate, etc) it isn't that unreasonable. Often it is easier to get situated in a new area and find jobs, etc when you are there rather than from 1K miles away. You didn't mention why they wanted to relocate - is that a factor?

As for some of the other comments - it is no wonder why lesbians can be defensive.

Her other comment regarding family and "personal space" was that 7 people in a 4 br house would be considered not even vaguely crowded in most parts of the world.

If you can't afford a rental property or extended stay motel, you can't afford to relocated across the country. Our poster shouldn't be the crutch for their bad decision making.

targa911S · 11-28-2010, 04:22 PM

I'd make sure the batteries in my camcorder were charged.

bell · bell's Garage

the proper way to relocate.......
1......take a "vacation" to the area you want to move to......
2......find a flipping job.....
3......secure housing......
4......make the final decision to go for it.....
5......drive home and pack your ****.....
6......tie up loose ends and move....

when my wife and i relocated MORE than a 1000 miles we followed this simple plan......and in the time frame of 3 week from when we arrived in florida to when i pulled into the driveway of the new townhouse......
it's not really a difficult thing to do, just need to put forth the effort, sure money was tight, but we managed and everything fell into place......
again.....it's the effort part i'm not seeing (from reading in this thread) that is not happening from the couples side of it.......plain and simple.....who in their right mind would want to impose that much by moving their entire family into someone elses home just so they could seemingly relocate the lazy and irresponsible way?

imo i would say under the circumstances hell no, hidden motives or not........there is a proper way to do this.
if the situation was different (like they lost their house, or a tragic event) then my opinion may change.....but from what i'm reading i'll repeat myself.....hell no.....they need to be responsible and not take the easy way through it (i.e. mooching off family)

campbellcj · 11-28-2010, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurel

If they were two good looking lesbians with no kids, it would be an entirely different story.

LOL, for a second I was inclined to agree with you. Then I had a flashback of Basic Instinct.

quaz · quaz's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurel

If they were two good looking lesbians with no kids, it would be an entirely different story.

No such thing........

red-beard · red-beard's Garage

Let me get this straight. You have in-laws, that have decided to move. They can't find a house and HAVEN'T found jobs, yet are still moving to a new area?

There is more to this whole thing than we (and you) are being told.

If they had JOBS and they couldn't find housing and the jobs were starting, I'd consider it. They are UNEMPLOYED. This does not look like it will end well.

Rot 911 · 11-29-2010, 05:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bell

the proper way to relocate.......
1......take a "vacation" to the area you want to move to......
2......find a flipping job.....
3......secure housing......
4......make the final decision to go for it.....
5......drive home and pack your ****.....
6......tie up loose ends and move....

This. The lifestyle of the sister has no bearing on the matter. Sounds more to me like they need help in learning how to move across country. Why don't they just come up for a week and look around for a house or apt. to rent? Then once they have lived there for some time and learn about the different neighborhoods, then think about buying a house.

DavidB911 · 11-29-2010, 06:11 AM

The worst thing you could do is not say anything. Marriage is supposed to be about honesty. Ask her what she would say if some of us wanted to come move in with you guys for some time without work. I doubt she will have to give it a second thought.

cashflyer · 11-29-2010, 06:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rot 911

This. The lifestyle of the sister has no bearing on the matter.

It does because Op's question was about them moving in with his family - not, "what is the proper way for lesbians to relocate".

The lifestyle of the sister will have an impact when they are all living under the same roof together.

red-beard · red-beard's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikester

It would depend for me. I allowed my sister to live with us for a while with an agreed upon rent while she was working on her Master's degree. She was a total flake and would simply avoid us when the rent was due. I hated it. I would never extend myself for her like that again. She is a known whack job.

Is she still a really good looking whack job?

This post is useless with pictures!

red-beard · red-beard's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurel

Looks to me like they want to live free of charge for a while to save for a down payment on a new house. Otherwise, why would they not rent form the start? You said they had a house in PA. Are they selling it? Either way, my answer would be Hell NO!.

How will they do that when they do not have jobs?